SIL has covid and wants us to come for xmas

[Friendsoftheearth]

SIL, BIL and all three dc are just recovering from covid, they will be allowed out again in a few days - despite some of them being relatively high risk they were all ill but fine, so very relieved and happy about that.

However this evening SIL has invited us to her house for christmas - in laws have already passed away - and we are the only family she has. The can't come to us as one of their dc will need to work, and will be joining us later.

SIL said it is great news as she now can't catch covid, so we can relax. DH does not see it that way, and does not want to go, he is worried her house will be covered in covid, and sees the grown up dc as still a risk as no doubt they will go out and party for England. They are late teens and do love to party, which is why they were probably ill in the first place.

Is it is true we are now relatively 'safe' as it will be a month by the time we get to christmas? Are they are a fairly safe bet, or are they still a risk? I know you can get covid twice, but the antibodies are likely to last longer than a month surely? Dh is digging up info that confirms covid stays on surfaces for up to 76 days, and we are putting ourselves and children at risk by even considering seeing them.

I am close to SIL and would like to see them, but not if we are all going to be ill afterwards. DD asthmatic, but otherwise 49-55 age bracket with teen dc. Thank you!

"Doesn’t mean because they have antibodies that they cannot pick it up and bring it home, it just means their body will recognise it and fight it before making them ill."

Do you have a link or an explanation for that? Wouldn't it be the same for vaccinated people then if you believe people with antibodies would be 'carriers' and pass it on to others without testing positive themselves?

@Lucyk1

Antibodies last 6 months...no, it doesn't remain on surface for 76 days (husband is a scientist) But to be honest, if I were you, I'd definitely say no thankyou,not this year

Even if it did last 76 days - how many of those days is it transferable for? And how long is it transferable with a high enough viral load to actually give someone covid?

"The vaccine isn't far away & then spring/summer I can see those I love... I don't understand people who can't see how much of a risk they're taking. Madness to me."

Nice for you. I only have holidays at Christmas time.

Your DH is talking absolute tosh.

Providing they have fully recovered and have no symptoms and have cleaned the house well there is ZERO reason for you to not attend, he's massively overreacting.

I work on a hospital covid team and whilst I may not be an "expert" I can tell you we have staff back at work 7 days after their symptoms have cleared so there is no reason to pitch a paddy and not go.

I suspect he just doesn't want to go and is using this as an excuse so you may need to tackle him on that and make it clear that if the invitation is to be refused he will be the one to explain the reasons why and if he refuses just ring her up in front of him and say: DH says we can't come because he's scared he will catch Covid from your house, I've tried to reason with him but he's being a twat waffle so I will let you deal with him and then hand him the phone.

We all need to be careful but his type of overreactionary hysteria is not helpful and will make your SIL feel like utter garbage. Nip it in the bud if you can.

They've just answered this on a Q&A thing now. You'll be perfectly safe.

Also re: vaccine currently it's only deemed 90% effective for over 65's so I wouldn't get too excited just yet.

Isn’t long Covid the after effects of Covid not that you do still have Covid.

Yes.

I'm 7 weeks in from Covid. I still have after effects. Some of them I may have for life such as the blood pressure issues. That doesn't mean I will have Covid in my system for life, let alone enough of it to pass on.

Just like when I had pneumonia it was almost a year before I felt 100% again. It didn't mean I still had pneumonia - I didn't, my lungs were clear. It was just my body working to heal after the illness had passed.

This mentality is a massive problem.

It is not normal to feel this level of fear and anxiety over something that is perfectly safe.

Going to the supermarket, or having groceries delivered will be more risky than your SILs.

@Racoonworld

You’ll be save from their current covid infection by then but if their teens are pit partying before Christmas I wouldn’t go as they could catch it again.

This👆 They can still catch it from partying and spread it.

Of course they can catch it/a different strain again. And it’s not just the catching it, they can still transmit it. Say the teens kiss their friends, they come home and kiss you good night. They transfer covid to you and you get it even if the teen is immune.

Those reasons sound ridiculous does he get his facts from Facebook?

Doesn’t mean because they have antibodies that they cannot pick it up and bring it home, it just means their body will recognise it and fight it before making them ill

Interested to know how they can be carriers if they have antibodies

If someone has antibodies against a disease they can’t pick it up in the first place let alone carry it and infect people with it
Also anitibodies last approximately 3 months it is T.cell immunity that lasts for at least 6 months. Atm it could last much longer we don’t know there hasn’t been a test

"Of course they can catch it/a different strain again. "

it's rare, look at what the scientists say

"they come home and kiss you good night"

but surely OP isn't going around kissing everyone at the moment anyway

My stupid mate didn’t want to come near me as I had seen my mates who had Covid confirmed 6 weeks earlier and where even isolating in a completely different house to the one I visited them in I told him where to go and you should tell your husband the same hth

Of course they can catch it/a different strain again.

Actual data would indicate that the risk of this is absolutely minuscule.

Is DH worried about being struck by lightening? It’s probably more likely.

I currently work with a colleague who has this week tested positive for covid despite having already had it at the beginning of September
They have been told that they could continue to test positive for another month at least but since they returned to work 3 more people within our (very) small 10 person team have come down with it (separately and all with 2 week isolation period between)
Colleague sought advice from covid clinic staff who are now saying they are the likely outbreak source of all 4 cases and may have been (and still be) contagious throughout the last 10 weeks but as there was no negative test needed after their initial positive result nobody can tell for sure

All through the pandemic, people have been bleating on about their MH, and yet when someone actually has anxiety, he is mocked and his concerns are minimised. Because Xmas.

Telling someone they have more chance of being struck by lightning or run over by a car does not remove someone's fear of flying, for example, and shows zero understanding of anxiety.

His anxiety about catching Covid in these particular circumstances may not be strictly rational - that is the nature of the beast - but his fear is real, the feeling of fear is real. And the virus is real, and the negative repercussions for many are also very real.

And as his sister and her family are, as stated, not taking such strict precautions as he is, I think his fears are quite valid. How unpleasant to be effectively forced to give in and go, and then spend the next fortnight as well as the happy day itself, with lingering feelings of health anxiety.

There is no way I would be going. Sorry.
I wouldn't even entertain the idea

@whattodo2019

There is no way I would be going. Sorry. I wouldn't even entertain the idea

But why?

Because you wouldn't be going anywhere?

Or because you believe you could catch COVID from the house a month or so after somebody has tested positive?

It's the latter I am struggling to understand with people as it goes against most of the more recent findings regarding COVID and surfaces.

And the award for the most ridiculous thing I've seen on the internet this year goes to...

OP!

@Oliversmumsarmy My DH has recently had covid and we were told by test and trace that follow up testing is not required as covid can still be found in a patient for up to 90 days, though they are not contagious.

That sounds mad! Of course they won't be infectious in a month's time. Is your husband planning to lick the crevices in their toilet bowl or something?
Seriously, there are two possibilities that strike me. One is that your DH has an anxiety/mental health problem. Do you think that might be true? The other is that he just doesn't want to go, because he'd rather be at home with just you, which of course is fair enough, but in that case it would be far easier if he just told you this.
(Boris Johnson is in isolation to make a point about compliance, and possibly to get away from Carrie, the baby, and the dog.)

I think your DH may need some support with his anxiety around Covid-19 and how it is contracted because their house is safer to be in than the supermarket if they’ve already had it. That’s irrespective of if you decide to go or not. As long as you try and distance and wash hands etc there’s surely no increased risk than sitting in your own lounge?

"Telling someone they have more chance of being struck by lightning or run over by a car does not remove someone's fear of flying, for example, and shows zero understanding of anxiety."

We don't know if he's mentally ill. He may just not be capable of evaluating risk, just like quite a few people on this thread.

"The three times must be pretty unique!"

Yes, why isn't this case in the news?