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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trying not to cry

198 replies

upsetinlockdwn · 24/11/2020 10:47

NC as don't want this linked to my other posts. This may be long.

I'm stuck in lockdown with my 'D'M and it's becoming unbearable. We both live alone so we decided I stay for a few days because I was struggling with not going out or seeing anyone for months, I assume she was too, although she goes out to work so has more social contact than me. It was supposed to be a few days, then she decided to go on a last minute holiday (I know Hmm ) so I looked after her cats for two weeks, and sorted shit out (food deliveries etc) while she was in quarantine afterwards, and then within a few days we'd gone into Lockdown 2.0.

She's bossy and controlling, but generally I can 'manage' her for an easy life. Mostly this means waiting on her hand and foot which is a double edged sword. If I don't, she huffs and strops about doing anything and calls me lazy and causes a row, and if I do, I make a rod for my own back and she expects it. She sits in her room all day like a queen, all meals cooked, drinks made, I've even ordered and paid for all the food and she's just told me what she wanted.

Anyway I work long hours from home, and have a tight deadline to meet tomorrow. She's gone out to work and said can you do 'x y and z' today, which are not small jobs - think hoovering and dusting the whole house rather than washing up iyswim (she's having a bit of work/DIY done so there's a lot of mess/dust/displaced clutter that needs sorting). I said I'd see what I could get to, but reminded her of my deadline which had to be priority. She started to lose her temper, shout over me, belittle me and call me names. I'm so used to this I clam up and now when I recall the exchange, I've blocked out a lot of details Sad but she wanted me to spend most of the day doing what she wanted rather than working. I reminded her that if I had to go out to work then it would just have to wait (it's already waited weeks and weeks, what is one more day!), and she has this habit of just shouting over me with insults or even just 'lalala' when I reply with anything other than 'yes' to her demands Sad

I have my own place, but she lives rural and I don't drive. I don't even know if buses are running (they're sporadic even pre covid) and I don't want to get on a bus anyway.

I'm just sitting here trying not to cry because she's made me feel as small and insignificant as she did every day of my childhood. I hate that feeling of being stuck and forced to bend to her whims rather than my needs.

She's also spiteful in that she needed an expensive item, so I offered to put it on my 0% credit card and her pay me back, and even researched and ordered a fantastic black friday deal for her. It's arrived and she's ignored it for days. I suspected she felt she was somehow relinquishing control by 'having' to be grateful to me for sorting it, so I've ignored it. But now she's said, 'make sure you send that back, I don't want it'. I know she's cutting her nose off to spite her face just to be nasty and make me feel not good enough but it still really hurt. To be clear, it's exactly the item she wants and I got it far cheaper than she can get elsewhere.

Even when lockdown is over we're likely to be tier 3 so when I do go home I'll be back lonely and isolated again. I just hate that I'm in my late 20s and that I can still be reduced to tears by her tantrums and demands. I feel so trapped and frustrated.

OP posts:
NotSorry · 25/11/2020 17:10

[quote Lilymossflower]Get a taxi home asap

billy1966 · 25/11/2020 17:16

Glad you are safe.
Well done for being so brave and getting away.
Not easy at all.
Flowers

whyayepetal · 25/11/2020 17:18

Thanks for the update OP - so pleased you’re home safely Smile. Go for something to watch that makes you think “YESSSS!” when you see the title on Netflix. In this house, Flushed Away usually wins!

bluewindows · 25/11/2020 17:19

@upsetinlockdwn. So pleased to hear you are home.
Watch Emily in Paris on Netflix. Light escapism.
Block your mum on your phone at least for this evening. And tomorrow too.
Enjoy your dinner, and your own company. Tomorrow is a new day and there's lots of us here that will help you. Just ask.
Thanks

ravenmum · 25/11/2020 17:36

Excellent :)

diddl · 25/11/2020 17:52

Glad that you're home, Op.

I've just watched The Crown.

Enjoyed it, but I don't think that it comes under "light & funny"!

Eddielzzard · 25/11/2020 18:02

Yay! I vote for Emily in Paris too.

whyayepetal · 25/11/2020 18:07

Ooh - haven’t come across Emily in Paris before! Will check that one out Smile

TheRealHousewife · 25/11/2020 18:42

I’m pleased to read you’re back home @upsetinlockdwn! Fabulous.

Have you heard anything after your leaving?

OALN I’d defo recommend Schitts Creek! It’s a wonderful, enlightening, funny, emotive jumble of dysfunctional family life. I want a bf like David!

Good luck and let us know how you are.

UniversalAunt · 25/11/2020 19:16

Schists Creek for sure, Bebe.

UniversalAunt · 25/11/2020 19:16

FFS autocorrect - Schitts...

UniversalAunt · 25/11/2020 19:17

...Hurrah, you are home!
Well done for getting away so promptly.

HerbErtlinger · 25/11/2020 19:20

@UniversalAunt I second Schitts Creek Grin

So pleased you are home, op

showmethegin · 25/11/2020 20:52

Schitts creek! It's got me through some pretty dark places this year and still made me feel positive!

Effitall · 26/11/2020 06:51

Proud of you Smile

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/11/2020 09:44

Seriously just go home!

Sewrainbow · 26/11/2020 10:03

No rtft but your first post shows she is being abusive. Leave today, she can do her own housework. You don't deserve being spoken to like that.

Buses are running in my area. but a taxi is worth it. Being alone would be better for you than putting up with being treated like that.

NotSorry · 26/11/2020 11:07

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
@Sewrainbow

read the thread, she went home yesterday

baubled · 26/11/2020 12:29

If you're not going to rtft (who's actually got the time!) at least scroll to the last post by the OP to see if there's been developments!

bluewindows · 27/11/2020 06:55

Are you feeling ok, OP?

Dee1975 · 27/11/2020 08:21

Home sounds like a better option.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/11/2020 15:10

well done OP. Treat yourself kindly and hope you get to relax.

Comeondelicious · 09/12/2020 07:25

Be okay, OP. xo

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