In asking did your parents go away without you when you were little?

[Stantons]

I often read on here about parents having holidays or nights away without their kids and a lot about separated parents doing this which I guess is more understandable. My parents never did this when I was a child 35 years ago is it a more recent thing?

I’m 32 and my parents never left us even for a night away.

However, I’d absolutely love an adults only weekend away. Didn’t realise before I had children how much I’d long for this and wish I had travelled more pre-kids.

My mother in law is the only person we have available to look after our children and she’d be horrified if we asked her to look after them whilst we ‘gallivanted’ off without them!

DH being with them is with a parent. Not the same at all.

No drama llamas here. DD1 is 20 and at uni and independent. Nothing wrong with parenting properly.

I'm 46 and don't recall my parents ever going away without us

I don't think I ever stayed over at either of my grandparents without my parents also being there (neither set lived locally)

Its a shame because I have never felt able to ask my parents to look after my DC (except for childcare emergencies when they were younger) because I know they had absolutely no help when I was a child. It doesn't really occur to them to offer as it's not something they ever had the option of.

No my parents never went on holiday without us when we were kids.

I don’t think it’s right either when parents go off for a week or 2 on holiday and leave the kids behind. I think it’s pretty selfish.

@BigSandyBalls2015 completely agree.

To the pp saying it would be dreadful for your kids to not feel wanted - that would only happen if they had no clue that relationships exist independent of them. I don't want to raise fragile self-entitled people who can only see things from their own perspective.

Having said that I'm facing a dilemma. We are getting married next year. DD will be 4. DF wants to leave her behind or it won't be a honeymoon. I think it won't because we will miss her too much.

Then there is the question of his children from his first marriage. The older steps are in college now and want nothing to do with us generally (but still become angry if we spend money on ourselves) so not too relevant but his youngest from his first marriage will be 15 and usually joins us for family get-togethers. It definitely will NOT feel like a honeymoon if we spend the week entertaining her but it will feel wrong to bring our own daughter but not even invite her at a time when she could be feeling very vulnerable.

No mine didn't. They were also in a miserable marriage and invested no time in it, they divorced by the time I was 16. I'm in a happy marriage, and I've always said I wouldn't put my marriage on the back burner whilst in the thralls of having young kids, we've always made time for each other be that evenings out or sometimes weekends away/holidays, I'm not saying every marriage needs to do just that as their investment of time as it's personal to the couple of course, but it's what we enjoy doing and I feel our marriage is stronger for it.

So for me it's interesting to compare to my parents, because I imagine it's seeing them grow apart that has made me so determined to not let that happen.

I lived with my Grandparents from 7 and they never holidayed without us. My Aunt and Uncle did and my cousin would come and stay with us. Also once my siblings left home and it was just me my cousin would come on holiday for company. My Aunt and Uncle would go on holiday themselves then.

I've been on holiday a couple of times without my children, but always when they've been on holiday with their Grandparents.

No it’s not that they wouldn’t be cared for, I would want to be there. I’d feel terribly guilty if I was off holidaying.
I have tried for years to understand this mentality.
We were raised by parents and grandparents and uncles ( no aunties until uncles married much later) it was only for a week or two in the winter months when we would only be at school and staying in because it is too dark to play out. It was a special treat for us kids and felt like we were on holiday as well.
In retrospect I think it does kids good. We had to respect different rules even though we were having fun.

No harm was done. To be fair it was 47 years ago when parents first started going away and it was after some very traumatic happened in my family and nan told mum she needed to concentrate on herself and told dad to make sure they had a good relax.
My nan was a big believer in self care and relaxation!

Yes, every year without fail my parents went on the same three day trip to the same place and my gran looked after us.
We hated it cos our gran was a borderline child abuser, she thought nothing of a jolly good beating.
Now as an adult my parents have never had my dc overnight (never once in 15 years, let alone annually!!) cos my dc are "not their problem"
They also view occasional evening babysitting in the same way.

Oh don't worry, I'll be returning all of their favours in their old age.

@Pinchmybun I went away for a weekend with friends when DD was a baby. DF took the opportunity to visit his parents with the baby. His mother was horrified at me gallivanting off and I don't think has ever liked me since. Fortunately, I couldn't give a toss.

No, not until I was about 16 or 17 when I didn't want to go with them anymore. I've never gone away without my children either.

To the people saying kids would feel unwanted: like i said before, i spent many nights at my grandparents or godparents, friends of my parents etc. I never felt unwanted. If anything, i was really excited about these nights and weekends away!
My kids ask regularly when they get to sleepover and nanas again if they havent been for a few weeks. They love it! If they didnt want to, we obviously wouldnt go out, but at the moment it works well for everyone.
Its good for kids to have more trusted people in their lives than just the parents. They will only profit from these close relationships.

I think they only went away without me once, I remember it because I went to stay with my grandparents and they sent me postcards! It wasnt a fancy foreign holiday, just the lake district I think. I'm mid 30s now.

Tbh I think it was probably lack of disposable income that stopped them doing it more. I don't think I would have been resentful and totally see why you'd want some child-free time as long as it's in addition to family holidays.

Never. My father would stay away overnight for business a handful of times a year but they never went away without the children. I made the choice not to join them on family holidays when I was a teenager.

In turn, I've never really felt comfortable going away without my children. I've left them once for a wedding overseas for two nights. Other than the occasional sleepover at grandparents they're with us.

My parents did go away when we were teenagers and my grandma came to stay with us. Not often though.
Our kids are 16 and 14 now and we have been away abroad twice without them for long weekends. Both were fantastic and we loved it and said we would do it more, but the logistics are very difficult these days and I think they are still just about too young to be left on their own.

Occasionally - I loved it as would get to stay with one of my grandparents for a few days if they went away together.

My dad also travelled for work every now and then so could be away for a few days. My mum would go on holiday with her friend for a week once or twice a year as I got older, maybe around 12/13 or so.

Not holidays, but we spent some nights at grandparents, I loved it and they did too.

@AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal that's really sad. I was thinking something similar after posting on this thread - who would look after them plays a big factor. It's not enough to have someone, it's the right person.

For example, I do not want to leave my daughter with my sister. She shouts and loses her temper. When my father was alive I would not have left them alone for exactly the same reason.

I’m 29.

I remember my mum accompanied my dad on a few business trips to London. They were usually gone for 3 nights and always came back with lovely gifts for us. Either out grandparents would sleep over at our house if we had school or we would go over to theirs if it was a long weekend.

They would also go away for a long weekend by themselves about once a year. I would stay with my grandparents until my sisters were old enough to take care of me by themselves (so when they were 17 and I was 8). Again it never really bothered me as it meant I got to stay up late and eat what I wanted. The time away obviously did them good.

Before COVID my parents were always encouraging me to send the kids up to them and go away for a short city break. We’ve only done it once (a one night stay in Durham) but would definitely do it again once everything has settled. Would probably only do it for 2 days though.

No, never. I'm in my 40s.

If my children felt unwanted based on a small number of days away from them out of all the others spent with them then I'd think I'd not done a great job of parenting.

Yes! At least a couple of times a year. Our grandparents had us. One set of grandparents and then the other for another. We had a lovely, spoiling time. We didn’t live near them so it was a treat and a holiday for us too.

My DM (single mum) went away for a long weekend with friends each year and often went away on business every few months. I stayed with grandparents, had my favourite dinners, a cooked breakfast, long baths, got to stay up to watch a film, cuddles by the fire, garden camping in the summer, it was great. We had a family holiday abroad with DMs parents and my great aunt every year.

Me and DH will have a single night away every few months and take a mini break every 2 years or so, DC stay with grandparents. We adore our children and take them on holidays whether thats abroad or camping or butlins, however we also prioritise ourselves occasionally. Our relationship is so much stronger after a break and we are ready and able to be an effective team again.

Saying that our children regularly stay at grandparents just because they want to, at least once a month, so in the eyes of some on here we are already terrible parents

I didn't notice it as a child, because I loved being at my grandparents. But I have reflected on it as an adult and know for a fact that this happened because my Dad didn't want me there. This hasn't improved an already difficult relationship!
But I don't think you are a neglectful parent to have time away from your kids. Personally, I've had the odd night away with friends, DH has been away longer as he has an activity that takes a week or so maybe once a year that he enjoys. Children seem unscarred.