Would you be put off if a potential lover had a massive shrine, including urn, to his parents?

[upsetandang]

This is half hypothetical.
I'm not the potential lover but an old relative of mine had a long sideboard in his living room dedicated to his dead parents, with false flowers and a big wooden urn in the middle which reminded me of a coffin.

He remains single despite being fairly wealthy, educated, funny, kind and good looking.
obviously I don't know him in a romantic capacity so I don't know the whole story but I always figured the reason he was single was because of this big memorial in his living room.

Now I'm a woman I can honestly say it would put me off dating someone who didn't tick all the other boxes but this man seems to tick every box.

Would it put you off?

DISCLAIMER

This is lighthearted (idle curiosity- I'm aware I sound horrid but it creeper me out as a child), I will not be approaching anyone about their grief or home decor.

YABU
you would not be put off

YANBU
it would put you off

If he was otherwise a great guy then no, it wouldn’t put me off. Everyone has their eccentricities.

Also it’s more normal in some cultures than others.

But I suspect it’s indicative of a deeper issue.

I'd run a mile.
Not normal.
Not healthy

lots of people i know do ancestor work, so, no. It wouldn't bother me in itself. Depends how he related to it.

It would depend on his cultural.background as in some cultures this is accepted practice, in others not.

But unless there was a religious or cultural reason I would find it strange and somewhat of putting.

White British, English through and through. I suppose he grew up Christian but afaik not practicing

Another point, nobody else has anything more than a few photos in their houses, I don't think we even had that in our house growing up
I know my aunty did but the photos included her and her children so not a lone photo

uncle was the youngest but still an adult when they passed

I don’t think I’d be too put off. I once dated a man who seemed totally normal and invited me to his house one night to watch a film. All was going well until he bought out a load of snacks all in bowls made of taxidermy pangolins. I thought they were fake and commented on how they were a bit creepy and really lifelike but also quite amusing. He then told me he’d made them himself and he loved taxidermy.

I didn’t eat any of the Dorito’s and I never saw him again.

wow thats
a bowl?
thats really something

@OverThinkingUnderDoing
do you think he was trying to impress you with his mad skills?

Is he from a culture where this is the done thing? Also, sorry to ask a probably silly question but does the urn contain their ashes?

If he was in other areas a well adjusted guy living in the present and this was just his way of honouring his parents, I think I would be ok with it in his home. I wouldn't particularly want it continuing on that scale into any home we shared together though (obviously I'd be happy to have some pics up or a downsized version).

So on balance, I think it would depend on how much he was in a position/ willing to build something new and acknowledge his partner as a priority now. If your relative has given the impression he was not willing or able to do so, then that might be why he has not had any success in love (assuming he wanted a partner). The shrine could be taken as evidence of this if that was his general attitude.

If that's his only 'unattractive' trait then no it wouldn't put me off.

It's a lot further down the list of dealbreakers than someone who doesn't pull his weight in running a household, manages money badly, has poor personal hygiene or has time consuming hobbies meaning he's never there for the relationship.

Oops! cross post about his culture!

I don’t know what he was doing. I think they were just the bowls he used for snacks. I’m just glad I never found out what he used as a full dinner service. I bet it was elaborate though.

I was watching something about pangolins being critically endangered about a year or so ago and it made me wonder how on earth he got them. If anyone ever happens to be dating a rather hippyish bloke in the Bude area please report back on the rest of his dinnerware.

Yes such a thing would put me off. Shrines belong in cemeteries.

@OverThinkingUnderDoing

I don’t think I’d be too put off. I once dated a man who seemed totally normal and invited me to his house one night to watch a film. All was going well until he bought out a load of snacks all in bowls made of taxidermy pangolins. I thought they were fake and commented on how they were a bit creepy and really lifelike but also quite amusing. He then told me he’d made them himself and he loved taxidermy.

I didn’t eat any of the Dorito’s and I never saw him again.

I would be deeply unimpressed by a man who stuffed pangolins as they are an endangered species.

Maybe he's single because he could never fully emotionally separate from his parents, even in death. Agree with pp, that's it's indicative of a bigger issue.

OverThinkingUnderDoing utterly hilarious and a also very creepy

PS would be a tad put off by the shrine as well.

Yes it'd put me right off.

DH and I went to view a house with something like this. It put us off buying the house.

They'd actually had a wall built up to make a kind of large niche in it which had an urn with ashes, photos, crucifixes and candles.

Funnily enough, the estate agent had not put a photo of that room on the listing .

Maybe. If this was the only thing then probably not.

In all honesty I would fall back on the preferred 'how to tell whether I want this to go anywhere or not' method of my youth and have sex with him and see how I felt then.

Yeah it would. Cultural sensitivities taken on board and all the rest of it, I'd find it naff and mawkish.

My ex's mum was very Catholic and had lots of that sort of stuff in her house. He hadn't inherited too much of that sort of thing thankfully but the occasional elaborate crucifix or status would make its way to our home and I wrestled with the urge to throw them in the bin.

I find that sort of thing creepy and nauseating in the extreme and I'd struggle to date someone who was seriously religious so that would be a dealbreaker.

I thought I had some unusual dating stories but serving doritos in a pangolin beats them all! Hoping they were antiques he'd remodelled to better display snacks as they're endangered like PP says.

statue not status

Yes it'd definitely put me off, it has a strange Jimmy Savill air about it, he was always devoted to mother, very creepy.

As long as he didn't expect to share my ancestral shrine then it would be fine by me.

Did the wooden urn contain ashes of deceased parents?
Other than that and the artificial flowers, what else was on the sideboard that turned it into a memorial?

I'm just wondering if an antique tea caddy and a couple of photos have overstimulated a child's mind?😁