Would you be put off if a potential lover had a massive shrine, including urn, to his parents?

[upsetandang]

This is half hypothetical.
I'm not the potential lover but an old relative of mine had a long sideboard in his living room dedicated to his dead parents, with false flowers and a big wooden urn in the middle which reminded me of a coffin.

He remains single despite being fairly wealthy, educated, funny, kind and good looking.
obviously I don't know him in a romantic capacity so I don't know the whole story but I always figured the reason he was single was because of this big memorial in his living room.

Now I'm a woman I can honestly say it would put me off dating someone who didn't tick all the other boxes but this man seems to tick every box.

Would it put you off?

DISCLAIMER

This is lighthearted (idle curiosity- I'm aware I sound horrid but it creeper me out as a child), I will not be approaching anyone about their grief or home decor.

YABU
you would not be put off

YANBU
it would put you off

My friend ... was about to get down and dirty with her new boyfriend and he had a very large tattoo covering one side of his chest of his childhood dog. A rottweiler, growling. Instantly put her off

Shame he didn't stick with a chihuahua ...

As long as he had a tasteful velvet privacy bag to slip over the urn, should a horizontal cha-cha-cha on the couch be in the offing ....

I think that if I were dating him I presumably wouldn't be invited to his home until after we'd had a few meetings and had got to know him so it wouldn't seem as odd as seeing the shrine before I knew him at all and judged him on nothing !

So he had his parents ashes and some flowers on a side board? Hardly a shrine!

Everyone grieves in their own way and no-one should be labelled as strange or weird because it doesn’t align with your way of grieving. (I may be particularly sensitive to this as we have lost 3 very close family members including my dad in the last 5 months).

As for being on his own maybe he is happy on his own??

Surplus 2requirements.
It’s a comfort to you and I understand. I have similar for my husband and find lighting a candle is a mark of remembrance. I am happy in my life but haven’t forgotten and the grief is there but isn’t painful in the same way. Society is uncomfortable with grief in general. I probably was before too.
To the OP. No, there are bigger things to watch out for. I’d be more worried about someone who was judgemental over a harmless thing.

@Tigger85

Of course, and any true friend, or visitor with any human heart would want to remember him too.

No more off putting than a wall of football memorabilia, a collection of teapots, and photos of all his dead pets. (Two of which are perfectly normal btw) .
I'd expect anyone of his age to have a very personal sitting room, and surround themselves with everything they love, harvested from a long and enjoyable life.

On a serious note, I think it shows that he is not just bowling along through life without any sense of his roots, his history - and that he is capable of deep and abiding love.

I would be wondering why he couldn’t accept his parents passing. If they died when he was a child, that is one thing. As an adult - and I don’t mean 18 - I would be thinking the parents screwed him up and seriously consider running a mile.

Taxidermied pangolin bowls must become the new penis beaker surely!! I have just googled them and spent a happy ten minutes aww-ing over baby pangolins. Devinely cute.

I would date him but keep an eye out for any weirdness like nightly worship of said shrine etc

This thread is so Judgemental. You haven’t even seen this so called ‘shrine’. It’s most likely a table with mementos/flowers. That seems fairly normal to me. You haven’t been in his house for years. I don’t know when he lost his parents, was he a child? Grief is not something you just get over.

Is he really, really wealthy, and has the house to carry that kind of display? Like Henry 8th style?

like nightly worship of said shrine

^^

Now that I'd love to see

You can’t be having people eating out of pangolins. Ffs no wonder there is a Covid crisis.

"most peoples houses."

Most people? Never seen one except on TV.
You might be right though. I've just Googled and was shocked to see that a majority of people in the UK are cremated.

Would i eat out of a Pangolin? That is the question.

And one i honestly never expected to ask myself.

It could be true that he was too trapped in the past for his own good - as many reflective people are.

If only there had been a suitable Miss Havisham out there, someone who would have understood how he felt and not tried to force him into parting with his mementoes. Had they met, they could have moved forward together tentatively into the future, perhaps storing the elements of the shrine and the wedding dress away somewhere safe with care and reverence in due course - if/when both felt ready to do so.

(I’m a romantic!)

I hope OP returns to tell us the sizes of table and urn...

Is it a sideboard with an urn and some flowers? I can’t see what’s wrong with it. He likes to remember his parents, I wouldn’t judge him for that.

OP isn’t going to return, I reckon.

I would absolutely love it but then I am as Goth AF.

I have a shrine to my household god in my hallway, which many people would view as deeply odd but hey! It's my house and it makes me happy.

@TheGoddessFrigg

I would absolutely love it but then I am as Goth AF.

I have a shrine to my household god in my hallway, which many people would view as deeply odd but hey! It's my house and it makes me happy.

My neighbour has this for Hindu gods in her tiny hall - we're a block of one beds and studios.

She and I have never said anything about it.

I have a feeling OP has been exaggerating this whole thing anyway.

I’m Hindu and we do tend to keep shrines regarding deceased loved ones. Usually photos with flowers and a bit of incense seperate from the home temple. Some people even keep the ashes in the house until it’s time to let them go. So no I don’t find it odd.