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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for old washing machine back?

155 replies

msflibble · 23/11/2020 09:43

We moved into a new apartment in Feb and it only has space for a built-in washing machine. We had bought a great new one the previous spring which was unlikely to fit, so friends agreed to swap theirs with us - my husband arranged the swap, he thought the machines had similar specs but they don't really. Ours is worth at least a couple hundred more (we have only now just finished paying off the financing for it), it's virtually silent so you can do night washes, it has a bigger drum and is much easier to use - for example it has loads of presets but you can also just program your own presets. This one only has a few really limited presets and you can't program your own. It also only has 4 heat settings. The buttons are really hard and awkward to press and for example there's no option to do a short very hot wash, which is a setting I often need to get mould smells out of washing that didn't dry quickly enough after a previous wash (often a problem in winter).

I miss my old machine! And I'm gutted that we shelled out for a lovely one, carefully chosen by me, only to end up with a fairly shit one I don't like. I have worked out that it may be possible to get the machine to fit under the space if we remove the legs; if not, I'd like to sell it and get something instead that suits our needs better.

I messaged our friend to ask if we might swap back, and she hasn't replied. I'm worried she is offended as they agreed to swap as a favour to help us. Was it an unreasonable request?

OP posts:
rsababe · 23/11/2020 11:06

Accepting I'm being a bit of a CF, how about we offer them 100€ plus a grovelling apology to exchange them? We just can't afford to buy a new one, we're broke. Would a cash offering that we can afford maybe take the edge off things a bit?

No. Just accept you made a mistake and move on. If you are broke then you can't afford to offer them 100 euros - you obviously aren't broke as you wouldn't have 100 Euros to offer them if you were. Broke is not having enough money to buy food because you are at the limit of your overdraft.

Who suggested the swap in the first place?

Naillig222 · 23/11/2020 11:07

She won't feel right taking your money so don't put her in an even more awkward position by offering that. Surely you know that?

Bibidy · 23/11/2020 11:10

Accepting I'm being a bit of a CF, how about we offer them 100€ plus a grovelling apology to exchange them? We just can't afford to buy a new one, we're broke. Would a cash offering that we can afford maybe take the edge off things a bit?

But what would you even say? "Sorry, we think the washing machine you gave us is so rubbish that we want ours back?" How can you explain your request to your friends without insulting them?

I appreciate that you can't afford a new one but the one you have still works. It would be understandable if the one they had given you had broken so soon after the exchange, but not in this scenario.

Unfortunately I think you're stuck here. Next time, just make sure you have a proper look at the thing you're swapping for as in this case you would have realised that their machine wasn't suitable for your needs.

rsababe · 23/11/2020 11:10

@msflibble

Have you had nothing else to worry about since March? Lucky you!

Don't be ridiculous. I'm just trying to focus on one of the few problems I might be able to fix, that's all.

You are calling me ridiculous! Dear god, I've heard it all now.

You swapped a washing machine without checking the relative values or facilities of the machine, you then spend 9 months worrying about it and then post a thread on MN and everybody says you are being unreasonable but you refuse to believe it.

You are being ridiculous.

Find a good book to read and chill out.

TokyoSushi · 23/11/2020 11:11

Is this a reverse?!

You can't ask for the machine back, it's like asking for a gift back!

loobyloo1234 · 23/11/2020 11:15

Just to join the many people saying the same - YABU. Why after 3 pages are you still trying to justify asking for it back? It was your choice. You f'd up. Deal with it.

I also wouldnt bother replying if I were your friend if you asked to swap it back

Naillig222 · 23/11/2020 11:15

Either way you've already sent the message so the damage is done really. My guess is that she'll say yes becuase you've put her in a crappy situation but I doubt she'll be in a hurry to help you out again and I don't know if you'll just 'move on' like your previous post says. Sound like you expect her to be a bit of a pushover, to be honest.

callmeadoctor · 23/11/2020 11:15

Whats with all the odd threads on Mumsnet at the moment? OP I am struggling to believe that anybody would think of doing this TBH. If I was your friend, I would be inclined to think that you were having a joke with me.
If I thought you were serious and I was that friend, I would seriously think that Covid was making you lose the plot. Its a washing machine that works. In any event you should never leave your washing machine on overnight so the fact that its quiet at night should not be relevant.

Hoppinggreen · 23/11/2020 11:18

Well it’s just tough shit now to be frank
You are a bit of a CF asking for it back

Original poster
msflibble · 23/11/2020 11:21

They suggested the swap after DH was talking about our predicament. Their intentions were only to be helpful really.

Have messaged her again apologising if it made her uncomfortable and saying it's totally understood if they don't want to swap back. We'll see. Basically if they don't much care which washing machine they have they'll agree, and if they do they'll decline. If I hadn't said anything I'd have kept thinking about it forever. Honesty is the best policy imo - though I should have been honest 9 months ago instead! Whoops

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 23/11/2020 11:22
Confused
LindaEllen · 23/11/2020 11:23

Sorry but if you were that bothered about the price difference between machines, why wouldn't you make more of an effort to fit it in in the first place?

You can't just go and ask for it back now.

It sounds like your friends got a good deal. Perhaps they know that, but perhaps they don't. Some people just take washing at face value and use one setting for everything and shove everything in before they go to work - in which case they might not even realise that it's so much more expensive!

But it would be unfair to inconvenience them for a second time and ask for it back.

LittleMissLockdown · 23/11/2020 11:24

They suggested the swap after DH was talking about our predicament. Their intentions were only to be helpful really.

Well that will teach them for being considerate friends, I sincerely doubt they will offer to be helpful in the future.

Genuine question OP what would you have done if you had kept your old machine and it had broken? If you cant afford a new one then what would have been the alternative?

stschiap · 23/11/2020 11:27

Very cheeky.
You should have thought about this before arranging the swap in the first place -ie. the difference in price/spec.
And your plan is to swap the machines back, see if your old one can be made to fit and if not sell it (because it's worth more than the one you now have which you swapped)?
You should just sell the one you currently have and buy something else which suits you better. If you can't afford to do that then you're stuck with the one you've got.
Lesson learned for next time....

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/11/2020 11:28

They’ve already wasted enough time helping you out, YABVVVVU to ask for them to swap back, YABVVU to keep going on about it when everyone is clearly telling you YABU.

You made a poor decision: that is on you, your friend did you a favour and should not have to pay for that with lots more time wasted. Most people would probably not respond to your message—why the hell should they? You wanted a machine that fits, so they have you one in exchange for yours (which happened to be better). They wasted time to do this, which makes up for much of the difference. If you don’t have a car, how were they moved? Would you have to pay for this, or rely on them to do it? Who installs this—you’d either need to pay or spend time doing it yourself.

Presumably if you did manage to get back it still wouldn’t fit, any you’d be off haranguing her to swap back. Honestly leave the woman alone, it’s just a bloody washing machine! She’s probably already spent more time on this than the price difference between the machines.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/11/2020 11:31

@msflibble

They suggested the swap after DH was talking about our predicament. Their intentions were only to be helpful really.

Have messaged her again apologising if it made her uncomfortable and saying it's totally understood if they don't want to swap back. We'll see. Basically if they don't much care which washing machine they have they'll agree, and if they do they'll decline. If I hadn't said anything I'd have kept thinking about it forever. Honesty is the best policy imo - though I should have been honest 9 months ago instead! Whoops

No—if they don’t care much about what washing machine they have they’ll tell you to piss off and stop wasting their time with your indecisiveness. I would be really annoyed if a friend did this—it suggests you have zero respect for their time and think they should cart washing machines around for your amusement. Beyond CF territory.
ThePluckOfTheCoward · 23/11/2020 11:33

When you said your new apartment only had room for a built-in washing machine I naturally assumed this was due to the existing kitchen already in place. Then I read that you built your own new kitchen, so why on earth didn't you just connect up your existing washing machine immediately on moving in and then build the kitchen around it?

I'm afraid you and your partner should have done your research on what you were getting in exchange for your high spec machine before you agreed to swop. I don't think your friend will willingly give up her bargain of the century swop now. You will have to put this down to a very expensive lesson learned Op.

FloydWasACat · 23/11/2020 11:33

CF to the extreme, sorry. And you sent a second text??

m0therofdragons · 23/11/2020 11:34

Unanimous threads are so rare. I can’t believe anyone would be so self absorbed as to think this is acceptable behaviour. Save up and buy a new machine with the spec you want the size you need and start acting like a normal adult. Unfortunately you can’t take back your messages so you will have made that friendship awkward forever more.

Hobgoblinz · 23/11/2020 11:36

Going against the grain a bit here but I can see where you’re coming from OP! If I were your friend I don’t think I’d be offended - I’d probably be grateful we’d the use of your fancy machine for so long! Yes possibly a bit annoying to go through the hassle of disconnecting it and reconnecting the old one, but it sounds like you’d be more than happy to organise all of that.

My in laws gave us their almost new fridge freezer a few years ago when we bought our own house, then we left an old one in their granny annexe where we had been living. I still see it as theirs really, so if they ever asked for it back we’d gladly give it back and buy our own fancy one if that’s what we wanted! I guess in that situation they offered it to us rather than us helping them out, but your friends have definitely benefitted out of your arrangement.

As you say, they’re your good friends, so surely you can discuss the possibility of the swap without being labelled as a CF! I don’t know why everyone is so keen to get angry with each other about such things really.

FudgeDrudge · 23/11/2020 11:38

You realise what you are saying is this: Hey you know that washing machine that you bought and were happy enough with, and gave to us to help us out? Well its not good enough for us, we can't cope with sucha crappy machine. It's good enough for you though, so here, have it back.

unlikelytobe · 23/11/2020 11:38

You should have checked all this before you swapped. It's not hard to find out the specifications of a machine online. The difference in value would be clear.

You can't now muck your helpful friend about by demanding a swap back - how inconvenient for her. Suck it up. Stop bothering her.

Laiste · 23/11/2020 11:39

''Have messaged her again apologising if it made her uncomfortable and saying it's totally understood if they don't want to swap back.''

Good. Let it lie now or you're in danger of fucking up the friendship as well as the washing machine situation!

Laiste · 23/11/2020 11:41

I totally understand why you're pissed off by the way. I'm dreading the day i need a new washing machine as unless i can have one just like my ancient old Miele i know i'll be unhappy with it.

Can i ask OP - what makes are the two machines please?

Laiste · 23/11/2020 11:43

@FudgeDrudge

You realise what you are saying is this: Hey you know that washing machine that you bought and were happy enough with, and gave to us to help us out? Well its not good enough for us, we can't cope with sucha crappy machine. It's good enough for you though, so here, have it back.
This is it in a nutshell. Why it's rude.