Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Foraging flatmate

516 replies

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:18

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter Glitterball

OP posts:
Penners99 · 23/11/2020 10:11

You could try locking your door.

Or an alarm mine if you want to make a statement.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 23/11/2020 10:47

@wendywoopywoo222

If you really don't want the confrontation tell her you know that someone is going in your room. Ask if she thinks anyone has been in hers. Suggest it must be the landlord and your going to keep your door locked in future.
This is exactly what I was going to say. Advise her to do the same.
PrincessNutNut · 23/11/2020 11:10

@draughtycatflap

Could you dismantle her room while she’s out and replace her bedroom door with a one-way locking one. Then when she enters her room she will be outside and you can quickly dress as a clown and when she attempts to come back in the front you could scream “glitter bombs are too good for you Satan!”

Or something sensible like that.

I didn't spit tea across my keyboard, but I did audibly laugh.
LindaEllen · 23/11/2020 11:54

Absolutely definitely do the glitter bomb. It will be quite amusing to watch back on your CCTV how she responds to that.

And yes, it'll then open up a discussion.

Can you get a lock on your door?

PartyAPartyB · 23/11/2020 12:12

An I the only one who thinks the glitter bomb plan is genius...?

Put it somewhere it's hard to deny she was snooping.

It puts the flatmate in the position of having to admit what she was doing and, even if she comes up with a lame excuse that she was looking for something specific (which I'm sure she will) it gives her no leg to stand on once the OP then starts locking her door.

Plus, a glitter explosion had to be the quickest Christmas decorating ever...!

PrincessNutNut · 23/11/2020 12:17

It would result in a glitter bomb in OP's room, the flatmate would have to be an absolute tool not to think it was meant for her (and she'd be right not to believe it) and if the point is not to make her defensive, angry and generally unstable and unpleasant, it will fail miserably. It's also really kind of dishonest and underhanded; it's a way for OP to trap the housemate without having to own it. Obviously flatmate is completely in the wrong to be snooping, but that's just all the more reason why OP shouldn't feel a need to be all sneaky and dishonest about it. She's in the right to lock her door so why the fuck not just do that?

If a locked door, blamed on the insurance company, is going to cause a scene, can you imagine what the glitter bomb would do? Apart from everything else, it's actually completely counterproductive.

Besides, what if housemate has time to clean it all up before OP gets back?

It's a really, really silly idea. Just lock the door and blame the insurers! Chances are that's really in the contract anyway, it was when I was in a house share.

user1471565182 · 23/11/2020 12:19

ohhh its one of these. Lock the door and tell her to leave your stuff the fuck alone.

user1471565182 · 23/11/2020 12:24

Can we have a proper forraging thread?

PrincessNutNut · 23/11/2020 12:37

@user1471565182

Can we have a proper forraging thread?
Where to find wild glitter bombs at this time of year...
LolaSmiles · 23/11/2020 12:39

I thought this was going to be about mushrooms!
Same I was expecting a post about roadkill or half a local forest being left in the kitchen.

FabbyChix · 23/11/2020 12:41

Get a lock or tell her thats a massive invasion of privacy

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 23/11/2020 12:42

She'll be angry because she tried to get in your room and the door was LOCKED? Ask her why the hell she was trying to get into your room. You both sound like a bloody nightmare to live with tbh. It's pathetic.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 23/11/2020 13:16

I saw a Christmas snoop alarm in home bargains today!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/11/2020 13:27

Lock the door.

Post-It! notes on each piece of paper on your desk STOP - I SAID STOP - FUCK OFF - YES YOU, FUCK OFF - LAST WARNING

A banner in your wardrobe - FUCK FROM HERE TOO

A laptop open with the film of her snooping cued up ready to play

None of which will be found unless she is nosing through your stuff!

steppemum · 23/11/2020 13:27

If you really don't want the confrontation tell her you know that someone is going in your room. Ask if she thinks anyone has been in hers. Suggest it must be the landlord and your going to keep your door locked in future.

this is great. Very simple, no accusations and then you can lock your door.

Cherrysoup · 23/11/2020 13:54

Dear Lord, woman up and lock your ruddy door! This would make me furious! Just tell her you’ve checked your household insurance and you now need to look your door. I’d definitely be aiming to move ASAP.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 23/11/2020 14:07

Did you lock your door op?

MrsEricBana · 23/11/2020 14:08

I think just locking the door is genius as she'll realise you're onto her without there being any confrontation. She won't know that you know the extent of her snooping and have filmed her. She wouldn't even know if you'd locked it if she didn't try the door, so she'll know you know.
Alternatively, have your footage of her pop up on the screen when you're sitting watching Corrie together, just for 30 seconds, with the Psycho music playing.

Pers · 23/11/2020 14:14

She's started her new job today. I've moved the vacuum cleaner, so that won't be a problem.

I'm wfh til Wednesday.

She will notice me locking my door because she'll hear me locking it...She will also ask why, and probably get shirty like I don't trust her and be really upset.

I know she's done a shitty thing by going around my room when I'm out, is it unforgivable? Do I have to live in a house now where I lock my door every time I go out because of this?

I'm so sad about this whole situation. And yes I'm being "wet" because I have to live with this person. I'm not about to get into a slanging match with her. Because I know that's what it'll be.

I will lock my door on Wednesday and let you know what happens.

OP posts:
cabingirl · 23/11/2020 14:22

Or just lock anything private like letters, journals etc in a cupboard. She can't ask you why you have started locking those away because she can't admit she's already been looking.

Some people are just very nosy, especially when they are a bit bored. I know people who have a good rummage around other people's bathroom cabinets when they come over to dinner.

PrincessNutNut · 23/11/2020 14:23

Do I have to live in a house now where I lock my door every time I go out because of this?

Yes, unless you want her going through your stuff. You know this. So do it and make plans to get out as soon as you can. I still cannot understand why a locked door will cause drama that a glitter bomb won't.

If it helps, I really did have to lock my door for insurance reasons when I was in a house share. The contract stated that if the room had a lock, I needed to use it.

Are you enjoying the drama?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 23/11/2020 14:24

If you don't lock the door-she will continue snooping, are you ok with that ? Opening a glitter bomb wont stop her, a locked door will. I personally couldn’t live with knowing someone was rummaging round my things id have to tell her not to and start locking door. If that upsets her then tough its your room you have a right to privacy.

Pers · 23/11/2020 14:25

Not enjoying the drama. Wish I didn't have to think about this. Wish I could move out.

Some of the advice here has been really useful, and has made me think about my lack of spine.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 23/11/2020 14:26

Has anyone mentioned locking the door?

Ginfordinner · 23/11/2020 14:29

Seriously, I really don't think locking the door will create anything like the amount of drama you think it will.

Just use the insurance excuse, but remember to put the vacuum cleaner elsewhere.

I think you are overthinking it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.