Foraging flatmate

[Pers]

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter

@ShalomToYouJackie

If you won't put a lock on your door and won't talk to her then I'm not sure what to suggest. A glitter bomb is a really childish idea.

Also, why would you think that her being a nosy bugger means she has a mental health problem?

I agree with this

@Pers

Of course she'll ask why, and make me out to be paranoid and unfriendly... I'd rather the fallout landed on her

Er because she's acting in a way which is unacceptable and completely worthy of your 'paranoia' and justified suspicion.

Stop trying to 'be the good guy' and just confront her. Trying to 'be kind' and be nice all the time isn't exactly going to help you if she does turn out to be defrauding you is it?

I don't know who is worse, OP or the flatmate.

LOCK THE FKN DOOR.

But I think you are spinning a yarn and enjoying all the attention you are getting from readers.

Locking the door will create an atmosphere, maybe I know she'll start being shitty with me because she wants to have a rummage through my stuff.

That is the weirdest reason for not wanting to lock your door!

Just lock it. If she wants to be shitty, she’ll have to explain why!

I know the relationship isn't salvageable but the rent is so low and I just took a pay cut, it's not viable for me to move.

She's going to ask about the door, and she'll be upset whether there's insurance or not. She'll probably be angry.

I know I should grow a spine, and I have form for needing to be more assertive. (She knows this and maybe takes advantage of it)

I'd rather just have a peaceful household, and by suddenly locking the door it's going to upset her and make her ask me a million questions.

I am angry about her looking through my stuff, but I don't think confrontation will help and she'll be in a grot for a month, and accuse me of not trusting her, it's hard to explain the situation anyway.

God this is like that super soaker thread, but rather than the OP being obsessed with a super soaker this OP is obsessed with a glitter cannon and isn't listening to anybody's advice 🙄

SHE'S going through your post and yet YOU are concerned about causing an atmosphere by locking your door....this is bonkers.

BIWI good call.

I can't believe you won't lock your door in case it causes an atmosphere. She is the one causing am atmosphere by overstepping a clear boundary.

I'm not sure how embarrassing her instead of having an adult conversation is going to make the situation better.

You have asked for advice. Many Many people have told you to lock the door. Just do this. Tough if it upsets her. If you will not do what most people have suggested then do not bother to keep asking for advice and making excuses why you can not do this simple thing. I became so frustrated by your replies to the advice given.

She's going to ask about the door, and she'll be upset whether there's insurance or not. She'll probably be angry.

Why would she be angry when you have a perfectly good reason to lock it? I give up, use the stupid glitterbomb and embarrass her. I'm out.

And OP - buy / rent a place of your own!

I just don't want to have to live here, without it being even more crazy than it already is. I realise it's a stupid situation but I feel really stuck. I think the insurance is the way to go, and then she won't learn her lesson, but yeah, it's less malicious I think.

I cannot for the life of me see what's wrong with embarrassing someone for going into other people's rooms, rifling through their stuff, reading their correspondence and looking at their phone. She's just a housemate ffs, with no business going through your room, not a distraught wife frantically trying to verify an affair.

@Horsemad thanks for the advice, I will once I have the money to

@Pers

Even moving the hoover will make her ask questions and she won't like it because she's particular about where things are kept, and there's not really anywhere else it can go

I just want to live in a peaceful environment

Ok, so let's say I move the vacuum, lock the door and I tell her I'm doing that because I know she's been going in my room. How do we then continue from there? Is it possible for us to have a harmonious relationship? How would it make her feel, and what would that do for her anxiety?

Aye and you setting up a trap so that glitter explodes everywhere when she's in your room will be great for her anxiety. How would you have a 'harmonious relationship' after that?

Surely it's easier to just put a bloody lock on your door!!!!!!

What about a locked cupboard. Put all your papers post etc anything of value in there that way there is nothing of value for her to snoop through - unless she has a thing for your underwear!

You it'll cause tension if you lock the door or just actually speak to her like an adult. Wtf do you think will happen if you glitter bomb her??

Bonkers. Utterly bonkers

@slashlover this is the problem, she will be angry, this is part of her character.

I know I need to move out, but for now I'm stuck

• you think it will cause .....

I don’t understand how this catches her red handed. She’ll open it, get glitter everywhere then surely she’ll clean herself up and there will just be a mess in your room. If you ask her about it she will say she doesn’t know what happened surely? Unless you film it, you can’t prove that it was her. Or have I missed something?

She could sell your details on the dark web or anything

😂

I know she'll start being shitty with me because she wants to have a rummage through my stuff
She has no bloody right to rummage through your stuff - it's creating an atmosphere already because you don't trust her and you're (I was going to write angry, bur then again...) irritated by it.
Ask her why she goes in you room, tell her she shouldn't and start locking the door. Hopefully she'll move, but even if she doesn't at least you'll have a degree of privacy.

She'll accuse you that you can't trust her? But you can't trust her, she's a snoopy cow.