To find inheritance talk really distasteful

[Allthestarsarecloser]

I have a friend who is really lovely but she is constantly talking about her ‘inheritance pathways’ - it really does my head in. She’ll basically inherit housing wealth from several family members. I find it a really awful topic of conversation as it obviously means people will have died. It’s so dreadful. I will likely inherit from my parents but I neither expect it or want it as it means by parents will be dead.

Aibu to think any inheritance talk is really distasteful?

I think it’s a shame that some posters are saying they’d feel guilty receiving an inheritance. Of course no one likes the idea of people like the OP’s friend seeing family members as a potential pot of gold - but if your family members were comfortably off and weren’t scrimping on themselves, why shouldn’t you benefit from what they leave behind? They can’t take it with them, and it must be a comfort knowing you might be able to carry on helping loved ones even after you’re gone.

I inherited a third of my grandma’s house. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it meant I could afford the flat I live in now, where I’m very happy and which will be part of my future. Whenever I think of her, I feel thankful for that. I know I’m supposed to say ‘I’d trade it all for just one more day together!’, but honestly? I wouldn’t. Not because I didn’t love her, but because I already have 30 years of precious memories.

Bragging yes. Discussing potential changes in finances, no.

To be honest , likelihood is it will go on care home fees and she will get nothing like what she thinks she will, if anything.

I will probably inherit a fair bit as I’m an only child but would much rather have my beloved mum and dad.
I don’t talk about inheritance tax planning much with friends- it would be distasteful. I have discussed it with a couple of close friends in the same sort of situation. It is often discussed at family meetings with the accountant and financial advisor as it is their job to minimise inheritance tax burden and my parents want to pass on as much as they can- although care needs (and them having fun!) obviously come first!

I don't find it distasteful. My mum asked me to be executor of her will, so we sat down and talked about all her wishes. For example she is a strong Christian, and so doesn't wish to be resuscitated.

We went through all her jewellery, which I loved doing because it took me right back to my childhood, and I wrote down which piece is to go to her sister, which ring to her niece etc.

I think to plan such things, to talk about someone's wishes is best.

She's counting her chickens. I'm aware that some younger family members have expectations from this 'inheritance pathway' - but they're in for a surprise! Assuming I haven't blown the lot on the swankiest care home I can find.

If her grandparents are still around then I am assuming her parents are not maybe that old. There are no guarantees as any money could be eaten up in care home fees unless they are extremely wealthy and can easily afford them without eating into their assets too much.

The information given to potential care home residents mentions property that has been willed and explicitly states that it doesn't matter what is in the will they will have to use those assets to pay for care until a specific amount is left. What a person owns or whatever money they have belongs to them while alive and doesn't become part of their estate until they die. I think this is why some people instead of mentioning specific amounts in their will use percentages instead.
If a friend was to constantly bring up in conversation about what inheritance they hope to get I would get a bit fed up with it and maybe reduce contact. Or just keep changing the subject and don't engage and maybe they will get the message.

It can be quite distasteful, depending on the tone of the conversation. And also a bit daft, if someone is basing financial decisions on an inheritance that they might never actually receive. A family member of mine used to be married to someone who never stopped going on about 'his inheritance'. He expected to receive a 7 figure sum from an elderly, wealthy relative, and was practically willing them to die, so he could get his hands on it.

Unfortunately, it turned out he didn't understand the difference between 'sole executor' and 'sole beneficiary' and finished up dealing with a very complicated estate and a massive family dispute, while inheriting almost nothing.

Inheritance talk where necessary in a family conversation is fine.
Counting on an inheritance and discussing it with random colleagues is not very classy.

I'm with you OP, I find it extremely unpleasant, presumptuous and distasteful.

It is sensible to have discussions and plan. It is distasteful to talk about it regularly or assume you’ve got money coming your way. My parents have made me a folder with all the relevant financial information so if something happens the admin is easier. This is from his own experience being and executor and finding it a big job.

I also wonder how generational this is. My dad seemed almost apologetic that my grandma didn't leave any sort of inheritance (his parents took out a reverse mortgage to help enjoy their retirement, whilst my mum's parents were very frugal and insisted on leaving her as much as they could).

MIL is horrified by the idea of reverse mortgages- after working so hard to pay off the mortgage she wants to leave the house to her children. DH and BIL both have professional jobs and are better off than MIL and FIL were at a similar age. They certainly don't expect (or need) any inheritance.

@kungfupannda so much karma there!!! Pretty dim of him

@BigSandyBalls2015

It won’t necessarily even happen if they need care in old age ... £1,000 a week for a very average care home soon depletes the inheritance.

This. Plus when the economy gets sorted after COVID the rules on inheritance and cost of nursing care will likely be very tight indeed. The Govt will get that money back off all of us in some way, shape or form.

@PoloNeckKnickers

A work colleague was moaning when her elderly mum had a few home improvements done, as it would mean less money in the inheritance pot. I assumed she was joking but she was deadly serious. I was appalled!

and people ask childfree people about not having kids in their old age!

[quote timeisnotaline]@kungfupannda so much karma there!!! Pretty dim of him [/quote]
@timeisnotaline

It couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke. Oh, no sorry, I meant it couldn't have happened to a more unpleasant twatbadger!

Death is inevitable so these kind of chats need to be had within a family but your friend just sounds like she's showing off about how much money she will get and that, I do find distasteful. She doesnt need to keep going on about it.

@Allthestarsarecloser YANBU! I find this kind of thinking stomach churning. I've begged my parents to use their equity to have the cruises, treat themselves to trips, spend every penny, as they've had FA luck or enjoyment in life, and I'd be delighted to see them have some fun. Nobody should be thinking they are entitled to anyone else's money, no exceptions. My SIL practically adds up potential inheritance while talking to you. DB told me she'd said it was ok her own sister had gone NC with her Dad, as "she'd inherit everything then". I feel she's just hovering...