To find inheritance talk really distasteful

[Allthestarsarecloser]

I have a friend who is really lovely but she is constantly talking about her ‘inheritance pathways’ - it really does my head in. She’ll basically inherit housing wealth from several family members. I find it a really awful topic of conversation as it obviously means people will have died. It’s so dreadful. I will likely inherit from my parents but I neither expect it or want it as it means by parents will be dead.

Aibu to think any inheritance talk is really distasteful?

I suppose it depends really. The woman who was annoyed her mum was getting stuff done to the house, yes just really awful.
I had a friend once who talked about her in laws wealth as if it was hers and she didn't hide the fact she couldn't wait for the money.
I don't like hearing my parents talk about it because it means talking about them being dead but I know we have to talk about it.

She sounds awful.

But yes, talking about money with family is important. Keeping things hush/hush is worse.

I hate the talk about what people are entitled to and how parents/grandparents have to do x y or z. If anyone told me what they were entitled to I'd make sure they got nothing. I've worked hard for over 50 years, not spent much on myself at all so I think I'm entitled to decide who gets my money.

Inheritance should never be used as part of any financial plans. Too many unknowns. People are likely to live so long that unless it comes from grandparents you'll probably be well into retirement by the time you get any.
I don't find it distasteful talking about it at all. Or any financial subject. I think it should be talked about. My dc know what is in my will, why and where it is. I intend to give as much as I can away before I get too old anyway. I know a lot of people who are left wondering and I don't want them to wonder. Leaving your assets fairly to the next generation and beyond is part of being a caring parent or grandparent imo. Too many people try to control their families with money using favouritism, threats and promises.

Relying on inheritance is never a good idea, even if the person does die, other families may dispute, there may be unpaid bills and taxes on the estate. There is a huge row going on with my relatives over inheritance and its been ongoing for 20 years! So just remember that things are never black and white or so simple.

I sometimes smile if I read of a person who left their inheritance to charity, thinking of the disappointed relatives, especially if they had little to do with the person when they were alive.

Wow! That's awful. We will likely inherit as our parents own their own homes. I have a surviving set of grandparents and my partner has both his grandmother's. They all own their own homes all worth varying amounts. But to be honest I never think about it. We have no idea what will happen between now and then. All sorts of care costs can come up. Also I would be more than happy for them all to sell up or release equity and enjoy their money. In fact6id very much welcome it!

It feels really distasteful! And a bit morbid!

I wish my DM would talk about her will and be clear about what her will contains.

The latest snippets that I had (mostly relayed by DB who has a lot of influence) indicate that she is planning on leaving her estate to her GCs but because one GC will never live independantly all the inheritance will be put into a trust which my two DBs and I will be expected to manage.

If only DM would talk about it I would be able to point out that her GCs are all adults and having a fairly modest trust fund managed by their aging parents is a recipe for disaster!

I inherited about £175k - my mum died at 53 and my dad at 63. They had been saving up to enjoy themselves in their retirement and never got the chance.

I am grateful that they thought of me in their wills and I accept that the money has made life easier, but my God, I’d give every penny of it away if it meant that I had ten mins more with my parents - I miss them and think of them every day and no amount of money can take that pain away.

There has been a LOT of talk about inheritance /IHT in my family over the past few years as we have lost our entire older generation bar one.

The person that irritates me is my SIL. She feigns ignorance that her parents have any wealth or that she will inherit anything.

Obv. Care costs etc. can wipe out the value of a house etc. We know about this as we have experienced it.

But I find it infuriating that she pretends that people who had good jobs, an expensive house and two fairly new premium marque cars on the drive don’t have any money.

It’s not really anything to do with me but it does make me question her critical appraisal abilities.

Very vulgar.

And misguided due to the potential for it to get eaten up in care costs.

As a discussion within the family between those leaving an estate and those who will inherit - no, not distasteful at all, in fact in some cases very important.

What is distasteful is what your friend is doing. She sounds ghastly.

I would be secretly hoping that she's got it wrong and her family members spend the lot on Caribbean cruises, drink and fast living, or they all live till age 110 in the most luxurious nursing home their money can buy and there's nothing left for her.

I don´t think there is anything wrong with discussing inheritance, but talking about it weekly and using terminology like your "inheritance pathways" is too much.

Showing off about unearned money is distasteful, regardless of source.
Maybe “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched - it’s unlucky?”

I think it is quite an uncomfortable subject to discuss. However, people do need to sort inheritance out and tell the inheritees in my opinion. Don't do what my mother did - she didn't trust me with money, so made no provision to mitigate IHT (it was before husband and wife allocation could be transferred). I ended up giving the taxman £125,000 - made me so angry that I had to give it away!

Yes it does seem poor taste and as sandyballs says, she is discounting possible care costs.

Opionatedfreak, maybe your SIL is trying to get off the subject? I wouldn't want to discuss such subjects with my in laws!

Nobody will be telling me what to do with the money that I have worked for.
I've lost both my parents and not a day goes by that I don't miss them dearly.
I hate reading about arguing over inheritance.
It's their money. It's their choice. They should do what is right for them. If that means spending it or leaving it to charity then so be it. Nobody should feel entitled to anything that they themselves have not worked for

I too find this in bad taste .When my FIL died a few years ago he left quite a large sum of money .However we both felt awkward about spending it, and have used it to pay off some of our Mortgage and some money for DC and a trip abroad to visit R/L .Hopefully not "frittered" away .However Nursing Home fees are very expensive and no one knows what will happen then .

Having paperwork in order is a good idea. My PILs recently sorted their LPA. I recently encouraged my parents to do the same... Not because they need it yet, but because it's something better sorted out way before it is needed (my parents are 65 and 71, so I'm hoping I've got at least 10-15 years with them yet!)

Mentally spending inheritance before you have it, boasting about it etc is crass.

[quote Allthestarsarecloser]@Burnthurst187 I think that’s my view. I don’t know why but it makes me feel so uncomfortable - it’s every week - yes there is an inevitability about it in terms of everyone dies but not in constant conversation[/quote]
Talking about it in general terms occasionally would be fair enough, but if she's mentioning it that often, and planning her life choices around it, that is distasteful.

I inherited when I turned 18 then again when I turned 21 and 25. People used to say how lucky I was, it only happened because my dad died when I was an infant and my grandparents when I was a teen. I would rather have known my dad and had another year with my grandparents.

Depends on family dynamics. My mother openly talks about what she is leaving everyone when she goes, and how she wants us to use the money wisely etc. Of course we don’t want her to die for years, but the realty is that death comes to us all. Discussing death is still very much a taboo subject in society, but I think people should talk about it more as it’s a normal end result of life, and talking about inheritance is part of that. It’s like people think that talking about inheritance means you want that person to die prematurely to get your hands on the property or money, but it isn’t in most cases.

Death is the only certainty in life. Planning ahead financially is always a good thing, and if your friend does that by including inheritance she's pretty sure she's getting, then fair enough.

I think it's more respectful of her families money to plan on what to use it for than to wait and then use it on a whim.

YABU.

No, it is not distasteful, it is not a nice topic but a necessary one.

But in your case, where you don’t hold any stake on the conversation, having someone waxing lyrical about what they are getting when the relatives died is utterly crass and stupid. You never know if dear old aunt Juliet is going to leave a bequest to the RSPCA or more likely, all their assets will be used to keep them comfortable in their retirement or pay for decent care when they are frail.

Personally, I will rather leave my assets to my dog than to a relative that is already making plans for her gains due to my death.

Always a good idea to talk about inheritance in a sensible fashion. There’s lots that can be done with inheritance tax planning but you need to start it in good time, so I see no harm in asking older relatives if they have put steps in place to ensure their estates are set to divided in the way that they want.

However complaining about lack of inheritance/looking forward to receiving one is the height of bad taste.