Discussion on inheritance - is it sometimes ok to give children different amounts.

[Whattheactual20201]

Was talking to parents the other day and then DB
We are a family of 3 siblings, I am the youngest at 28 then the eldest is 36.
I have 2 children soon to be 3, my own house with a very small mortgage and not much left to pay. We survive and have luxuries. I do have savings
DB who is a few years older has 1 child but they are trying for number 2 and has a house with an affordable mortgage and a great income.
Eldest is DS who has one child and one on the way. She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings and lives a bit more day to day than we do.

My parents have always told us the grandkids will have their own “ pot “ which will be equal.

However us as their children will get different amounts due to circumstances.
They would want to leave the house to sister
With w smaller cash inheritance
Then a bigger cash inheritance to me and DB ( it wouldn’t be as much as what the house is worth by any stretch )

I am ok with this and see their point in a way however DB feels a bit hurt they would leave the house to only one of us ?

My children will receive very different amounts. I am leaving everything to my eldest dd. The reason why? My younger dd is disabled and cannot live independently; if I left any money to her, there is a significant possibility that the state would just take it at some point anyway, as a contribution to her care. I can completely trust my older daughter to watch over her and make sure she always has what she needs.

A lot of opinions and things to think about think I am just trying to be the calmer and want to see both sides.

I think it should be equal but as the well-off one of three siblings, I would probably take my share and if I really didn’t need it and my own children are already well provided for I would split it between my brother and sister.

Inheritances should be equal. People’s circumstances change all the time. I think your parents are in the wrong here and I’m on your brothers side.

If no disability requiring care/help then it should be equal. I have a much more comfortable life than my brother but our parents are splitting our inheritance equally, he knows that and has no issues with it.

Prosperous siblings begrudging a lesser paid sibling money is really distasteful
They’re financially sorted they don’t need the money,the sister does. It’ll make a significant difference
For the prosperous siblings it is a nice bundle but not life changing

I agree with many, equal is the only fair way.

I say that as someone with siblings who are loaded earning significantly more than me, have big houses paid off, their kids have already been through uni and we are wonder how on earth we will afford it for ds etc!

Inheritance should be fair. Fair does NOT mean equal.

Have your parents received any professional advice about wills and inheritance tax?

You keep saying that your mum doesn't want your dad's money, but if they're married, anything she inherits from him will be completely tax free. She could then choose to gift that money as she pleases, so she could just give it to her children and grandchildren.

It was kind of them to give you the £50k when you needed it. But in their position I would have tried to redress the balance by offering your siblings money too - not necessarily immediately if they couldn't afford to give you all the money at once, but certainly as soon as possible afterwards.

You say you're not far off owning your house outright; that will be in no small part thanks to your parents' help. You will be saving money in mortgage interest. Meanwhile, your brother is paying mortgage interest and your sister doesn't even own a house so no equity at all. If they gave him money he could pay off his mortgage and if they gave her enough money she might have enough to buy a house.

I think your father should leave everything to your mother (to save on IHT) and after your mother downsizes, she should first give £50k each to your siblings, and then if there is any money left over, she should split it equally between the 3 of you (or if she prefers, split it 4 ways so you and siblings get 25% and the remaining 25% can be split equally between the grandchildren).

*You can do a deed of variation at the time if that’s what you want to do.

I had to do that when my so-called father died and left me a share of his house despite me being very clear I wanted nothing from the scumbag.

The simplest way to sort it was a DOV splitting my share between my siblings*

Thank you for this info, I'll look further into it.

My parents suggested leaving their house to my youngest sister. I had a chat with them and mentioned what if DS and her loser husband were to divorce he would from the house. They changed their mind and the cash and house has all been split equally.

Agee of us have suggested that your parents give your sister money for a house deposit now. What do think about suggesting that? Then they can split the inheritance equally.
And it seems they might sell the house soon, so your mum can downsize (sorry about your dad). The deposit could come from that?

You and your DB must be high earners. Midwifery is not a badly paid job. Is she a single parent?

Inheritance should be equal. Your brother is right.

Circumstances change over time. Your sister might make a million (or marry one). A brother may be disabled and unable to work. A grandchild might need lifetime care. By the time they die, the parents might have taken equity release on the house to pay for residential care, so it can't be inherited by anybody.

In your parents shoes I would name all three as Executors of the Will, and leave each an equal share of the estate.

I'd also write a letter, three copies, one held by each beneficiary, explaining how they would prefer you to allocate their assets in your current circumstances. Those letters are not binding on any of you. So if , after the death of parents, circumstances change or the beneficiaries can't agree, equal division takes precedence.

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@AnotherEmma I have said multiple times that I don’t mind allocating the 50k however just to clarify, I already hade my house at that point.
I would have been in the exact same position as I am now if my daughter did not go in to heart failure

The 50k went in to me living in the hospital / food / making sure DS was looked after and provided for during the 2 years that I was unable to work. I have already said it doesn’t bother me if I got nothing at all. However I 50k didn’t even put a dent in my mortgage and if that hasn’t if happened I would be in the exact same position as I am now.

Just to clarify that.

Some of us, not Agee of us!
I agree with a pp that it seems unusual to not leave your Estate to your spouse, surely the house they live in is the largest part of what he will leave, and it belongs to both of them?

I will suggest a lot of things from here, I have taken on all of the opinions and options and Will try to be what’s the word mutual !

Sorry about your DD OP. I hope she is well now.

if your sister has been a midwife in the NHS longterm she may have a better and safer pension than either of you. If you estimated the cash equivalent of her pension pot now compared to yours and DB the picture might look different?
Is Dsis married? What about if she divorces in the future etc?
What about if DB gets ill in the future and can't sustain his wage?
If they want to be fair, basing decisions on what is fair today may not be fair over the long term.

@EmilySpinach my DB is a high earner.

life interest in the house then shared on dsis's death between the grandchildren equally is good idea.

@NeedToKnow101 for now she is doing great :)
She was given a great gift of a second chance at life and lives it to the full ! :)

I don't get begrudging your sibling getting extra money to love a decent life when you already have one. Most people work hard as a cleaner or accountant both work really hard on a daily basis - but aptitude, skills and talents differ. Not everyone can be a doctor or in a wwell paid profession.

I wouldn't be hurt in OP's position. I think it's pretty selfish and self-centred to insist the money is equal when your sibling clearly needs it more and I can't imagine being upset by it. Unpopular opinion maybe but i honestly don't get it

Well I think he is a high earner 🤣
Others might not !