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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:39

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe - ah, I thought you meant it was all part of the village hall

copperoliver · 21/11/2020 16:40

Tell the truth you booked it as a personal experience for you children and give them the number if they want to book it.
If you can't bring yourself to say it just say if I do it for 1 I will have to tell everyone and I don't want everyone in my house at the moment. X

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:46

No; but I'm aware of the irony that I've accused other people of not making themselves clear! I haven't always put things very well on this thread!

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:50

The black bit is where the play equipment starts. My kids were playing on it (with others) when a load of six year olds in three piece suits and gelled hair came and told them to 'fuck off'. And then their parents came out, too. Happily, we only live a hundred yards away, so I was able to amble up and outline my position for them.

To not invite my DDs friends.
JillofTrades · 21/11/2020 16:53

Op i think what you did was not a good idea. You know that you live in an apartment, Santa making his way up to you is going to attract many people. Especially the kids. I really would feel very bad to exclude any kids. If you were In your own private garden then that is a different situation.
I get that you wanted to do something special but it wasn't well thought out.
You could tell your friend that there is strict covid procedures but for other onlookers im not sure you can do anything about that.

Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:56

@flaviaritt - that's not strictly what you said though, is it? I think you're doing a bit of back-pedaling now. I honestly don't believe what you say in your new version anyway.

MsTSwift · 21/11/2020 16:56

Bloody cheek PoorMan so they tried to requisition a public play park for their own private use?! Nice try.

slashlover · 21/11/2020 16:57

But the assumption here is that I wouldn’t discuss this with the event supplier. The simple reality is I wouldn’t do this under the circumstances described. I would cancel the event if they said no (and still pay for it) because I refuse to be responsible for sobbing little kids at Christmas asking why they can’t see Father Christmas. Because I’m not a Scrooge.

So nobody's kids are allowed anything nice in case it upsets other kids? Santa can't have a grotto in a mall because some kids wont be allowed to see him and might cry?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:57

Ohtherewearethen

Think whatever you like. I’m telling you what I would/wouldn’t do and it doesn’t matter at all whether you believe me.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:59

So nobody's kids are allowed anything nice in case it upsets other kids? Santa can't have a grotto in a mall because some kids wont be allowed to see him and might cry?

That’s daft. I wouldn’t parade my child round near a grotto, knowing they wanted to see Father Christmas, and then say no. This year there are no grottos so you can’t even get away with, “Yes, Father Christmas is going to Sally’s house today but we’re going to the grotto, aren’t we?”

So what would you say to the upset kid on this occasion? “Father Christmas charges on a per head basis?”

pincertoe · 21/11/2020 16:59

He spends so much time out front in the winter to even see them?!

I can't believe so many people think the ops children should share the experience and get less. She will probably have 10 mins with the actors to chat and ask questions and hopefully a couple of socially distanced photos. If one friend comes she suddenly gets 5 mins, if 4 friends come all of a sudden its 2 mins which is little more than a 'Hi Sarah, are you looking forward to Christmas? What would you like me to bring you?' Then it would be on to the next child.

For those that think its ok, if you had paid for your child to go on one of those rides in the supermarket would you be happy if another child came and clung on the side or told your child to get off and share their go?

Somethings are not made for sharing.

Op, enjoy this experience with your children. I would just be honest with 'friend' and say that the characters are coming to see your children only, they will only have sweets for your children and santa will know your children's names only. How will her children feel if santa doesn't know their names and doesn't give them amy sweets? Surely they will feel worse.

Maybe as a compromise you could text her as they leave so they can just 'catch' them going and wave.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 17:01

Somethings are not made for sharing.

I agree. But this is a very poor example of that. Because some things aren’t made for public spaces either.

AlwaysLatte · 21/11/2020 17:04

I can see both sides, although the one saying she'll 'send them along' should have asked if you could split the cost. In a confined space the star guest would struggle to keep distance. Could you reschedule at a relatives house where the neighbours aren't so invested?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2020 17:04

If it was a per child booking and other children were going to see it I just wouldn’t do it

Nothing could be fairer - each to their own and that's absolutely your choice to make

But it's not OP's choice, and surely she should be able to make her own without worrying about others imposing theirs on her?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 17:06

But it's not OP's choice, and surely she should be able to make her own without worrying about others imposing theirs on her?

I am not imposing anything. She asked. Just because my opinion isn’t the most popular one doesn’t invalidate it. She doesn’t have to read it if she doesn’t want to.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2020 17:08

I am not imposing anything. She asked

I know, flaviaritt - it was the "I'll send them over" mum I was referring to

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 17:09

I know, flaviaritt - it was the "I'll send them over" mum I was referring to

Sorry, I see now. Yes, she was being very cheeky.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 17:11

@MsTSwift

Bloody cheek PoorMan so they tried to requisition a public play park for their own private use?! Nice try.
Yep. Used to happen a lot. Strictly speaking, this lot weren't allowed the enormous marquee they pitched up that overshot the hard standing by a lot, but I didn't get my knickers in a twist over that. I'm not a complete killjoy pain in the arse*. But when they tried to intimidate my kids into vacating the climbing frame? Not today, Satan. I wrote to the PC in the end to ask that people booking the hall be reminded that they don't get exclusive use of the rec, for their £200 a day, or whatever it is. Twats.

*Not fact-checked

ZoeTurtle · 21/11/2020 17:11

Anyway, everyone round to @flaviaritt’s for an all expenses paid party!

I think you can get an evening with Katie Hopkins for the same price, and Hopkins is better at what they do.

Quaagars · 21/11/2020 17:12

@Mrsemcgregor Grin

That's exactly where my head went first too lol
Just got to get Superman and The Holiday Armadillo and we've got ourselves the Easter Bunny's funeral or something Grin

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 17:13

I think you can get an evening with Katie Hopkins for the same price, and Hopkins is better at what they do.

It’s amazing how some people can have their buttons pushed by someone expressing the view that it’s mean to show Father Christmas to little kids and then say they can’t see him. Almost like that’s what they think Katie Hopkins would say? Anyway... Hmm

slashlover · 21/11/2020 17:13

So what would you say to the upset kid on this occasion? “Father Christmas charges on a per head basis?”

Santa has made a special trip to see them, you can wave and then we'll have to come indoors. Although, unless your kid happens to be staring out of the window at that precise moment, how are they going to know?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 17:15

Santa has made a special trip to see them, you can wave and then we'll have to come indoors.

And when they ask why that is? Why Father Christmas doesn’t want to say hello to them as well?

Although, unless your kid happens to be staring out of the window at that precise moment, how are they going to know?

The big fuck off jingle bells sled might draw some attention? I don’t know. Anyway, there’s every chance the kids are going to see and I am of the view that that’s tight as anything. It’s okay that you disagree.

nemeton · 21/11/2020 17:23

@oakleaffy Gosh, that Victoria Hall Disaster account is one of the saddest things I've read, how awful. I can't even imagine sending your child for an afternoon of fun, for them never to come home Sad
So bleak.

slashlover · 21/11/2020 17:28

The big fuck off jingle bells sled might draw some attention? I don’t know. Anyway, there’s every chance the kids are going to see and I am of the view that that’s tight as anything. It’s okay that you disagree.

You think for £50 OP is getting Santa, Elsa, Anna AND a giant sled?

Then pay the £50 yourself and get a visit. Your kid does not need to be invited to everything and it's up to you to manage their disappointments. Also, there's every chance they might insist on mask wearing.