Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
MaelyssQ · 21/11/2020 16:01

@flaviaritt

If someone muscles in on something, they force their way into a situation where they have no right to be and where they are not welcome. Nothing to do with being muscular.

Oh my god.

Bold fail, love. What's your point?
flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:02

Then why on earth would you argue the OP is mean for not opening her children's treat to the street?

Because she is having this treat in a public place. It is not the same as a private party. I would say exactly this if the OP invited six kids from the block to a birthday party that then took place in the street and not the others.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:03

Bold fail, love. What's your point?

You’re very funny.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:05

'That's really not what it means in Scotland, as others have explained.'

Cool - except that a) that wasn't what I said and b) OP hasn't said she lives in Scotland, has she? Another poster assumed she did, but OP hasn't confirmed that. She may well do, but either way that's not the point of my comment. I'm pointing out that you don't have to be English to know what a 'close' is in England, nor Scottish to know what it means in Scotland. If Elsa et al park up in an English 'close' and go to the door, they're as likely to be seen as if they park outside a block of flats and go in and stand in the doorway in a Scottish 'close'.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 21/11/2020 16:09

I probably sound rude but what a waste of money!
My dc are grown up but their favourite memories of Christmas were all free, hearing Santa's bells (aka me in the garden shaking them when they weren't looking) posting his letter and finding 'magic dust' scattered around the house Christmas morning.
Wtf has Ana or Spider-Man got to with Santa? Since when did FC start hanging around with people in Disney/marvel fancy dress? Totally spoils the magic!

And yes, you're a Scrooge. I can't imagine wanting to exclude other children from seeing Santa Hmm

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2020 16:09

You can't police what your neighbours see and what their kids do from there

No, but I'd hope the parents would guide them
A quick look from the door, a wave at the characters and a "hi santa!!", yes ... running up and expecting to join in, no

slashlover · 21/11/2020 16:12

Because she is having this treat in a public place. It is not the same as a private party. I would say exactly this if the OP invited six kids from the block to a birthday party that then took place in the street and not the others.

So if someone had their birthday party in a park across the road then it's fine to appear?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:13

So if someone had their birthday party in a park across the road then it's fine to appear

What do you mean?

slashlover · 21/11/2020 16:16

If someone had a birthday party in a park across from the block of flats (i.e. a public place) and invited some of the kids from the block to the party then you would say it was fine for other kids to join in? I didn't think that was difficult to understand.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:22

slashlover

I don’t understand why you have to be so rude, slash. I didn’t understand what you meant and asked you to clarify it. It’s not a crime.

And I have never particularly liked public birthday parties for children, as I think it causes unnecessary division and can cause upset. But I would have no issue telling my child, “Come on, let’s go to the swings” and distracting them, or, if I had to, explaining that they weren’t invited to the party and that’s okay.

But Father Christmas isn’t a birthday party. He’s magic. What do you say to the upset five year old who doesn’t understand why he can’t go out and see a magical being who visits billions of homes in a single night?

Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:22

Oh my God, some of the posts on here!
@jessstan1 obviously had wasps for lunch.
OP, you are not at all unreasonable for wanting your children to enjoy a Christmas treat. You've booked it for two children, it would be exceptionally disrespectful for the characters to turn up and suddenly have hoardes of children mobbing them. Presumably they charge more for large groups as if will take more time, involve more sweets and prevent the need for them to say to other children, sorry, we're just here to see X and Y, I haven't got time or sweets for you. And no, OP shouldn't have to secretly get the sweets from the Santa to discretely give to her children later so that other children won't see it. It is up to the parents of all the neighbouring children to manage their children's expectations here. If they see Santa et al arrive then yes they can wave and share the excitement but to think they can just shove their children to the front and share the same experience as the OP's children is not on. It's disrespectful to everybody, especially the characters themselves. It will put them in a tricky situation and lead to the children being disappointed. The OP won't be causing this, the other parents will. It's not up to the likes of @flaviaritt to decide how many children can share the booking that has been agreed by the characters to be for two children. How utterly obnoxious to assume this would be ok. It's like saying, oh yes, I pay my cleaner for two hours but I'll let you use her/him for one hour, without even consulting her/him, or hiring a babysitter and telling your friends that as you're paying then anyway they can all bring their kids round.

Mrsemcgregor · 21/11/2020 16:23

Sorry, I can’t be the only one? Grin

To not invite my DDs friends.
Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2020 16:23

Anyone else wondering if OP has a hallway?

I get that the characters wish to avoid mingling by staying near the door, but maybe it would help if they closed and stood on her side of it rather than outside?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:23

It's not up to the likes of @flaviaritt to decide how many children can share the booking that has been agreed by the characters to be for two children.

Where did I say I would do this?

ememem84 · 21/11/2020 16:26

Someone mentioned upthread about inviting siblings to birthday parties. I’m taking ds to a party tomorrow. Dh thinks it’ll be fine for me to take Dd too.

I’m not going to. Because she isn’t invited. Dh thinks I’m being crazy and no one will mind

Re santa. I think if you’ve paid for it and haven’t specifically asked anyone to join you then Yanbu to have the experience just for your kiddos. The difficulty is that if they are in a public space they may get accosted by other people.

Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:29

@flaviaritt1

if I had booked it for my own children, provided there was going to be social distancing I would tell everyone on the street and ask them to come. And I wouldn’t expect money for it

Erm, here?

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:29

I actually think that a party in a public park is a bit of a grey area - obviously you can't let your kids go and lick a few party rings and grab a handful of wotsits l but I wouldn't let it curtail their play. My kids came home one day and told me guests at a wedding at the village hall had told them the play equipment a few yards away was for the exclusive use of their kids. I had to go up and disabuse them of the delusion under which they were labouring. Forcefully.

Ellmau · 21/11/2020 16:30

Does the company definitely know it's a flat with a narrow corridor, OP? I'd be concerned they might decide at the last minute they can't distance there and cancel.

Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:31

Even more obnoxious is that you say YOU wouldn't expect any money for it! Not even a thought that the characters might deserve more money for a much larger booking than agreed and paid for! Unbelievable!

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:32

[quote Ohtherewearethen]@flaviaritt1

if I had booked it for my own children, provided there was going to be social distancing I would tell everyone on the street and ask them to come. And I wouldn’t expect money for it

Erm, here?[/quote]
Well I think she can decide that for her own booking, in fairness. And that's all she says . . . 🙄

Ohtherewearethen · 21/11/2020 16:32

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe - if they had booked the hall for a private function then surely they had booked sole use of it?!

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:33

Ohtherewearethen

But the assumption here is that I wouldn’t discuss this with the event supplier. The simple reality is I wouldn’t do this under the circumstances described. I would cancel the event if they said no (and still pay for it) because I refuse to be responsible for sobbing little kids at Christmas asking why they can’t see Father Christmas. Because I’m not a Scrooge.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 16:33

Even more obnoxious is that you say YOU wouldn't expect any money for it! Not even a thought that the characters might deserve more money for a much larger booking than agreed and paid for! Unbelievable!

See above. If it was a per child booking and other children were going to see it I just wouldn’t do it. It’s mean.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:33

Oh, I think I see what you mean. My bad. You mean you can't make a booking for a finite number of children and then throw it open. No - you may be right.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 16:35

Er, no. The play equipment is outside the hall - obviously - and on the recreation ground. Public land. They had exclusive use of the hall, but not the bloody park!