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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dictate 10pm as home time..?

114 replies

staceyflack · 19/11/2020 21:07

Trying to decide what is a suitable home time for my 15 and half year old. (When lock down is over) Is 10pm in the week unreasonable? She thinks it is of course - and all of her friends are out much later than her she says. Trying to be fair and safe. Thanks. 🙂

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 19/11/2020 21:11

I would say that's far too late on a school night.

hotpotlover · 19/11/2020 21:12

I'd say 8 pm is more reasonable and only if she's done all her homework/preparation for school

Frenchfancy · 19/11/2020 21:13

Too late for a school night. My 14yr old is up to bed by 9:30.

Seeline · 19/11/2020 21:14

I'd also say that was too late for a regular hometime - maybe as the occasional one-off.

Where will she be?
What's she doing?
How does she get home?
When does she do her homework?

CurrentEvents · 19/11/2020 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

ButtonandPickle19 · 19/11/2020 21:14

Agreed - very relaxed for a school night. That would be more weekends surely?

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 19/11/2020 21:15

On a school night Shock? I wouldn't set a curfew that's later than I can stay awake Wink

FippertyGibbett · 19/11/2020 21:15

In by 9pm, bed at 10pm.

BecomeStronger · 19/11/2020 21:16

I don't think you can have a regular curfew. IMO "every" night 10pm is far too late but for a one off party or other event it's probably too early. You need to look at things on a case by case basis.

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/11/2020 21:19

Depends. At 15 I worked later than that most nights. So long as she keeps her grades up, I wouldn’t have a curfew.

Theimpossiblegirl · 19/11/2020 21:21

I think that's very late for a school night. She won't even get the full 8 hours sleep needed for an adult if she doesn't go to bed straight away and teens need more sleep. She's pushing her luck, as teens will, but you need to stand your ground and parent her, even though she'll hate you and make you feel crap. it's for the greater good.
When will she study? Where will she be that late and with whom? Most of her friends will have earlier curfews unless they have seriously lax parents, and you don't want her out with them!

BlackeyedSusan · 19/11/2020 21:23

the more she argues the earlier it would get and be linked to something important to her. (like pocket money or wifi)

RolandSchitt · 19/11/2020 21:24

I think 10pm is late to be out on a school night. The only exception I'd make is for organised activities - my son goes to Scouts and they occasionally have weeknight activities running to after 10pm by the time they're dropped off. If it's just for "hanging about" I wouldn't allow 10pm nights routinely.

liveitwell · 19/11/2020 21:27

I'd want her back for dinner on a school night unless she's working an evening job.

9.30pm on weekends.

Original poster
staceyflack · 19/11/2020 21:30

Thanks.
Yeah, @PlanDeRaccordement I left home at 15.. so I do find it tricky to work out what's reasonable.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 19/11/2020 21:37

Way too late! Where is she going?’

Nottherealslimshady · 19/11/2020 21:42

Far too late. 8pm I think. And by sunset in winter. Unless she's at someones house then 10pm at the weekend if it's still light.

RedHelenB · 19/11/2020 21:47

Sounds fair enough to me. 8pm seems very early for an almost 16 year old.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 19/11/2020 21:47

@Nottherealslimshady

Far too late. 8pm I think. And by sunset in winter. Unless she's at someones house then 10pm at the weekend if it's still light.
By sunset in winter? That's insanity. You do realise that it's dark by 4pm in the UK? Poor lass will go stir crazy, she may well not get home from school before dark as it is.
Nottherealslimshady · 19/11/2020 21:51

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo really? we were never allowed out in the dark. We could be at someones house but would have to have a lift home. That was only 10 years ago. Who would want 15 year old girls walking the streets in the dark?

Iwantacookie · 19/11/2020 21:55

Depends on where she is. My dd is normal only at her friends 1 street away so 10pm is fine. I find at this time of year I normally get a text asking for a lift anyway.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 19/11/2020 21:56

@Nottherealslimshady yes, really. It's quite exceptional that every one of your friends parents and your friends parents all had cars and were able to chauffeur you.

It's perfectly possible for 'bad things' to happen in daylight hours too. I'd be interested to know if you would have equal concerns about 15 year old boys out walking the streets at 5pm on a Tuesday afternoon in December.

Your parents energies would have been better off directed towards teaching you the basics of personal safety, were you 16 or 18 when sunset suddenly stopped becoming terribly dangerous or do you still spend the Winter barricaded inside your house for fear of getting darked on?

Wyntersdiary · 19/11/2020 21:57

Personally for me it would be home by 8:30 and in bed going to sleep by 9 on a school day and home by 10 on a Friday or Saturday

TonMoulin · 19/11/2020 22:00

No way my 15yo will be out until 10.00pm during the week.
At the weekend? To be negociated (including knowing where they are).

And tbh, I don’t know of any 15yo doing that either (well not the ones who are actually able to function the next day to go to school)

pinkstripeycat · 19/11/2020 22:01

BlackeyedSusan

the more she argues the earlier it would get and be linked to something important to her. (like pocket money or wifi)

This