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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dictate 10pm as home time..?

114 replies

staceyflack · 19/11/2020 21:07

Trying to decide what is a suitable home time for my 15 and half year old. (When lock down is over) Is 10pm in the week unreasonable? She thinks it is of course - and all of her friends are out much later than her she says. Trying to be fair and safe. Thanks. 🙂

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 19/11/2020 22:43

@hotpotlover

I'd say 8 pm is more reasonable and only if she's done all her homework/preparation for school
8pm for a 15 year old. You're kidding aren't you? 10pm is very generous in my opinion.
ineedaholidaynow · 19/11/2020 22:47

Is this exam year?

yelyah22 · 19/11/2020 22:49

Gobsmacked at PP saying she needs to be asleep by 9pm! I think home by 9 on a weeknight is reasonable, 10 at weekends.

StillMedusa · 19/11/2020 22:52

Mine had 10pm curfews at that age.. and lifts home from friends .. that was my stipulation, that I knew where they were (ie indoors or at the youth club) and homework done before going out. Mostly they didn't bother much in winter anyway but the girls both did well at GCSE and A levels, (one's now a doctor , one a specialist nurse)

DS1 however was going to be a challenge whether he was allowed out or not.. I discovered many years later that he sometimes went out after we were all asleep via his bedroom window... however he's a respectable adult with a decent job now.. he was just a trickier teen. However homework had to be done first.

NuniaBeeswax · 19/11/2020 22:53

LOL at sending an almost sixteen year old to bed at NINE!

Glitterblue · 19/11/2020 22:55

Too late on a school night. I'd find it hard to concentrate the next day if I was coming in at that time!

Needsakickupthearse · 19/11/2020 23:02

Sounds far too late for a school night. But then I suppose it depends on when your kids usually do their homework, and what time they have to get up in the morning.

AldiAisleofCrap · 19/11/2020 23:15

That’s too late.

NC4Now · 19/11/2020 23:17

I think 10pm seems about right at that age. It depends when she needs to be up for school but assuming all homework’s done and she has to be up for 7am it seems reasonable to me.
That was my home time and same for my DS.
I’m pretty shocked at the posters saying 8pm.

AcornAutumn · 19/11/2020 23:22

@staceyflack

Trying to decide what is a suitable home time for my 15 and half year old. (When lock down is over) Is 10pm in the week unreasonable? She thinks it is of course - and all of her friends are out much later than her she says. Trying to be fair and safe. Thanks. 🙂
So they’re out in the evenings, where do they go? It depends a lot on this, for me.

If they’re just hanging round in the street, I’d discourage that generally.

BrummyMum1 · 19/11/2020 23:27

You know best, don’t doubt yourself. Depends how sensible she is and how often she’ll be out. As long as she’s making sensible choices and getting her priorities straight I wouldn’t worry too much about what time you pick.

BrummyMum1 · 19/11/2020 23:34

Some MN’s teenagers are getting more sleep than my toddlers 😆

lu00 · 19/11/2020 23:36

I used to work until later than that on school night at that age, got straight A’s and into a Russell group from a fairly bad public school. Can’t remember how late I would stay out with friends but definitely didn’t have a curfew and would have been much later than that.
I think it will show you trust her and let her feel she isn’t being held back and is having fun which will make her stick to the rules more, as opposed to setting unreasonable ones which she will just lie and break.

lu00 · 19/11/2020 23:37

One thing I do remember, is that I was tired a lot and would nap when I could. But that didn’t necessarily hold me back and I sleep normally now

twilightermummy · 19/11/2020 23:37

Wow, that's seriously late for a 15 year old.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/11/2020 23:40

A fifteen year old should be home by 8 on a school night. Be her parent, not her friend, and tell her unequivocally you don't give a shit what her friends are allowed to do. It's probably not the truth anyway.

Lucked · 19/11/2020 23:43

Remember that in the next few years she is going to have to knuckle down and spent a lot of time studying in the evening, if she is used to socialising with friends for hours and hours every night she is not going to give it up.

How diligent a worker is she? Because this is when it can all go haywire.

GlowingOrb · 19/11/2020 23:46

I prefer to discuss plans each time and agree on a time on an outing by outing basis. I’d approve midnight on a school night for something truly extraordinary, but would want my kid home most school nights as a matter of course. Weekends I would expect outings, but again, the return time is negotiated based on the activity and the people attending.

Seasidemumma77 · 19/11/2020 23:52

In my experience as a teenager and as a mother to teenagers, all depends on public transport and where they planning to go. I had lots of freedom as 15yrs old but living in London had access to reliable public transport. My children have grown up in East Sussex where there curfew has been impacted by when public transport ends.

oldbagface · 19/11/2020 23:56

OP if it helps I left home at 15 too. I am laid back about some things but 10pm is very late. I would be concerned about what DC was up to and their safety.

Gatehouse77 · 20/11/2020 00:00

We decided what we felt was reasonable. Any argument for what other parents did was met with “I don’t parent them and it’s irrelevant.” Further argument meant bringing forward the time by 15 minutes per argument. They learnt to argue their case better with better reasoning so were more likely to gain.

katy1213 · 20/11/2020 00:04

She'll be 16 before there's anywhere that's still open at 10pm!

Xmasbaby11 · 20/11/2020 00:11

It sounds reasonable. Not all teens need masses of sleep. I would have been out til 10 at that age and my parents weren't particularly relaxed.

Obviously it depends on your dd and her maturity / plans etc.

Stonerosie67 · 20/11/2020 00:17

I'd say 8 pm is more reasonable and only if she's done all her homework/preparation for school

This is ridiculous! You seriously think it's reasonable to demand your 15 year old is home by 8pm? Don't be surprised when they rebel, will you?
OP, I think it all depends where they're going and what they're doing, but you need to come to a compromise that suits you both. Some of the pearl-clutching on this thread is batshit! She's almost an adult, start treating her like one.

AlexaShutUp · 20/11/2020 00:20

I don't really understand the concept of a curfew. I don't have an arbitrary time in my head as to when dd needs to be home by. It depends on so many factors. Like where she is going, how she is getting home, how often she is out, how much sleep she is getting, how hard she is working etc.

If she wants to be out late, then generally I'll collect her or she gets a lift from a friend's parents. Up to midnight is fine, and I'd consider later for something really special. They are usually at someone's house or a specific venue - obviously, not really happening in covid. I always know where she is and who she is with. I wouldn't want her just hanging in town, parks at all in the evenings. Tbh, she doesn't ever want to anyway.

In normal times, she's busy on weekdays anyway - dance, volunteering, schoolwork etc. So she rarely goes out in the week but would be allowed if it wasn't a daily occurrence.