AIBU to dictate 10pm as home time..?

[staceyflack]

Trying to decide what is a suitable home time for my 15 and half year old. (When lock down is over) Is 10pm in the week unreasonable? She thinks it is of course - and all of her friends are out much later than her she says. Trying to be fair and safe. Thanks. 🙂

15 yr old here and nope too late for out and about would be looking for 9.30 weekends and 8pm week days if allowed out at all

🤣 @WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo 😆

Btw I also agree about a time that is never later than when I am going to bed (which is now for me - last post tonight )

FWIW I did wonder if walking on their own was a suitable thing to do for a 15yo at that sort of time,
My gut reaction was NO.
DH was saying ‘can’t see the issue’.
I think I was coming from my view as a woman saying that it would be more dangerous for me at that sort of time (Esp on a Friday nights, pubs etc...).
DH came with his man hat on and didn’t the safety issue at all.

My dcs are two boys. We still go and collect them even at 17yo. I would t ket a 15yo girl waking back on home on her own.

@BlackeyedSusan That's not the way I want to parent - but thanks for your input.

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo, btw I agree BUT it depends on where you live.

Dc1 has been going to many parties to a friend who lives very close to our high street. Walking back home at 11.00~11.30pm also means ‘mingling’ with all the drunks coming out of the pubs. That doesn’t look safe to me (too many issues with drunks myself in that sort of situation).
If you are in a clamer area, then things would be different imo.

When I was 15 I had to be in bed by 9.30. That is ridiculous on a school night, what on earth are they doing? They're too young to get into pubs etc, I doubt they'd be allowed to hang around in restaurants at that time of night so where are they? Are they round friends or just hanging around the streets?

She's not walking home alone, and i'm know where she is and who with. As much as any parent is of a teen.

I'd say 9pm weekday and 10pm weekend. My parents were pretty strict and this is the times I had to stick to as a teen.

If she only gets home at 10.00 then by the time she has had a shower,faffed around etc she won’t be in bed before 10.45 Or 11.00 Too late on a school night.

I would say 8.30 on a school night and 9.30 on a weekend with a special extension as occasional dispensation.

Wow!! Far too late for a young girl to be out on a school night. What will she be doing, sitting on park benches, hanging around outside shops, pubs, etc?

Far too late particularly on a school night.

I have a DD the same age and my point would be this: they're in Yr11, we do not know what is going to happen with their GCSEs (if you are in England). I think they should be giving their exams/qualifications their best shot until they know more. Because these are a stepping stone but it will widen their opportunities later.

Is she planning on doing GCSE's?

I said YABU as it’s way too late for during the week. She needs to be home, settled and well rested so she can learn effectively and be healthy.

There's nothing magical about any particular time of night for her to be home by. You need to look at your and her needs. I would be thinking about:
If I was still awake as a matter of course (I wouldn't allow a time where I was having to force myself to stay awake to check she'd got home).
If she's somewhere safe and with a safe route home.
If she's getting her homework done and any other commitments she has (chores, for instance).
If she's getting enough sleep.
If you're all missing out on family time with her.

I assumed you meant weekends.

My DD was in bed by that time on school nights.

I used to say 10pm on a school night (which often translated to 10.30). It seems a reasonable time and they won't be out every night.

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo wow you're lovely. My mum couldn't drive, so if my friends parents couldn't then I was in by dark. As did all my friends and their friends, girls and boys alike. It was generally considered that kids that were out at night were up to no good. My husband and all his friends had the same rule when they were growing up, they were in before the streetlights came on. I saw my friends all day so I survived.
Love how you've assumed I've no sense of personal safety from one tiny fraction of my upbringing
No I still don't hang around in parks in the dark, do any adults go and socialise outside in the dark in winter? The parks dont seem as busy when I'm driving by to be honest. I would drive to a friends house though, still seems to be the common theme in my circles. Maybe we're all paranoid about the risks of being a lone female walking the streets on quiet dark nights.

I personally think 10pm on a school night is reasonable for someone who is literally old enough to join the military in less than 6mo.

As a pp said - it won't be every night, and you'd presumably do the usual making sure you know where she is, how she's planning on getting home etc. And I would personally say that any privileges are dependent on keeping up with school work.

Far too late on a school night imo.
Even past my bedtime that!!!

What time does she have to wake up?
Does she go out straight after school ? How many days a week?
When she gets back does she have a shower then straight to bed or does she start homework and have a meal?
Is she in y11?

Personally I'd be fine with a 15yo coming back at that time on weekends/school holidays as long as she was doing everything else that she needed to do during the week.

I have a 14yo and he's currently (10:30pm) having a shower then will go to bed. He'll be asleep with lights out by 10:45pm. Due to Covid school starts at 8:45 and it's a 20 minute walk away so he'll get enough sleep.

I have a year 11 and she doesn't go out at all during the week in term time (bar sport clubs, music lessons etc when not in lockdown). She doesn't have time to, she's studying for GCSEs.
Weekend/ holidays, we'd pick up from a friends up to around 10, but back by dinner is more normal.

Depends where she is , how often & how she's getting home. My 15yr old works till 10pm 3nights a wk, she gets the bus home and usually gets in by 10.30ish. By the time we sit & have a cuppa she heads to bed around 11.15.

Too late for a school night. What does she want to do? Hanging around the streets? I’m presuming she’s in her last year of secondary and will be focusing on GCSE’s.

For me at 15 (15 years ago) it was 10pm school night, 11pm weekends. That was pretty average for my friends, some stayed out later. Always got walked home though.