AIBU to dictate 10pm as home time..?

[staceyflack]

Trying to decide what is a suitable home time for my 15 and half year old. (When lock down is over) Is 10pm in the week unreasonable? She thinks it is of course - and all of her friends are out much later than her she says. Trying to be fair and safe. Thanks. 🙂

I guess it depends on what she is doing while out. DS used to have cadets until 9pm twice a week and often wouldn't be home until nearly 10pm, so if he wanted to spend a similar amount of time with friends it didn't seem much different. Our absolute curfew for him was midnight but he only ever stayed out that late twice, and then we insisted on picking him up. I don't think 10 is that late.

Depends on the child.

My 11 year old goes up to bed at 9pm every night but I know they they don’t go to sleep until at least 11pm. She’s also the first up every morning without fail at 6am. She needs much less sleep than the rest of us.

Certainly not in the week, school then home.

When I was 15 I had to be in bed by 9.30.
When I was 15 I was expected to be capable of setting my own sleep schedule, and I lived up to that expectation.

I think 10pm in the week is far too late. A lot also depends on how she's getting home. I wouldn't be letting her walk home on her own when it's getting late, but would let her be in a friends house if I was picking her up!

10pm is fine if you need to set a curfew? I've just dealt with it as it happens... an evening at a friends is completely different to hanging around outside.
The idea that a 15 year old needs to be in by dark is ridiculous- my dd doesn't get home from school until after dark in the winter.
If they are struggling to get up in the morning then that's different but at 15 I would expect my dc to set their own bedtime depending on how much sleep they require, I like to have 8 hours but my dh only ever has 6 for example and my eldest takes after him and my 16 year old dd after me, I very rarely have to wake either dc for school

I'd say 8 pm is more reasonable and only if she's done all her homework/preparation for school

Mine has rarely finished her homework by 8pm - that's having started when she gets in from school (about 5) and had her dinner - let alone had tome to go out again and be back by 8pm!!

I'd love to know how many of these PPs have got a 15yo or have had one in the last year or two!

I agree that a regimented curfew is not necessarily the approach needed unless your DD is out every night? I think 10pm for a regular extra curricular activity is fine. Later than that for a one off activity eg a special gig etc can be negotiated and planned for. And I am not saying that 10pm should be bedtime either. That is a separate matter.

Op she is still a CHILD. That is far too late for a child. I would say 7pm latest 8pm.

@Wyntersdiary

Personally for me it would be home by 8:30 and in bed going to sleep by 9 on a school day and home by 10 on a Friday or Saturday

She's 15, not 10!

@JillofTrades

Op she is still a CHILD. That is far too late for a child. I would say 7pm latest 8pm.

WTAF???

@JillofTrades

Op she is still a CHILD. That is far too late for a child. I would say 7pm latest 8pm.

How old are your children @JillofTrades ?

@Nottherealslimshady

Far too late. 8pm I think. And by sunset in winter. Unless she's at someones house then 10pm at the weekend if it's still light.

Do you actually have a teen? My DC would struggle just to get home from school by sunset in winter.

I also think 10pm is more than generous as a regular curfew - perhaps as a one off if there is something special going on (which if you're in England, there shouldn't be at the moment!). And, also at the moment, I think leeway has to be given on meeting outside after dark - as it's the only thing they are allowed to do!

OP - I'd suggest re-posting this in the Teenagers section. You will get answers from people who actually have teens and have experienced this.

@RedskyAtnight

OP - I'd suggest re-posting this in the Teenagers section. You will get answers from people who actually have teens and have experienced this.

MN can move the thread.

@JillofTrades

Op she is still a CHILD. That is far too late for a child. I would say 7pm latest 8pm.

Wtf?! Bloody hell my parents were practically Victorians and my curfew at that age was 9pm during the week.

Seems very late to me as a regular weeknight time as she will still need to get ready for bed and settled down. Even pre Covid, where on earth does she have to go to on weeknights so often? If its an organised outing like a cinema visit then ten once a week is fine but not for no proper reason.

This is a tricky year, as every piece of school work and every assessment could count towards their grades if there government decides to copy last year's shambles.
I would go for a flexible curfew, as it's a stressful time. 10pm on a weeknight is late, but as a once in a while thing, be flexible.
Weekends, there's no reason why they can't have the occasional extra late one as long as they can get home safely.
By choosing to raise my teens in a rush area I've had my fair share of midnight pickups, but they're good girls who work hard and deserve some down time.
Obviously this is all on hold as we're locked down.

Should proof read.
Rural area.

Far too late for a school night. Though what is she comparing it to? I had friends who's parents I thought were really cool letting them stay out (very) late but that actually I realise now I'm an adult didn't give a fig where their kids were, what they were doing or with whom.

I'm glad in the long run my parents cared about me.

Do parents really make their teens come home at 8? My 14 and 12 year old go to activities that don't finish until 8:30. I'd say 9 or 9:30 "in the week. Probably 10:30on on weekends depending on what she was doing.

I might be old fashioned (I'm only 37) but where is she anyway at that age?? Surely she's at school/a hobby in the evening which you have taken her to or know about or a friends house on a Friday/Saturday?? There should be no other 'out' until your doing ALevels!!!

At 15 I was out late and no curfew. I don't know what I will do when my daughter is that age though, I don't like the thought of her rolling in when she likes! I think 10pm sounds ok actually.

@GlennRheeismyfavourite

I might be old fashioned (I'm only 37) but where is she anyway at that age?? Surely she's at school/a hobby in the evening which you have taken her to or know about or a friends house on a Friday/Saturday?? There should be no other 'out' until your doing ALevels!!!

In these days of Covid, she is probably hanging round outside somewhere. Because there are limited other options. So teen parents are stuck between accepting this or having their teen confined to the house when not at school.

As a 15/16 year old my curfew was 10pm. Same as all my friends. We lived in a village rather than a city though.
Still live in the same village and 10pm seems very late!

Far too late for a school night! I'd expect her to be in bed asleep by that time! If it's holidays, then I still think 10pm is too late for a 15 year old to be out alone, even with her mates.