Scar on Ds face - comments from children

[ThePinkGuitar]

How is best to deal with this?
Ds in foundation year.
He has a scar on forehead due to an accident which was my fault due to which I have ptsd. Im very sensitive about the scar. I’ve paid for lots of treatment for my poor boy and it has helped the appearance compared to what it looked like.
My biggest fear was that kids would name call him at school due to the scar for which I am completely responsible.
This morning he told me some of the children have been asking him what’s wrong with his face and why does he have a big scar, he said it makes him feel so sad.
I feel so sorry for him my beautiful boy and people just see his scar.
It’s breaking my heart.
I’m already on anti d and having counselling I can’t cope with this guilt.

What does the scar look like?

Honestly in my experience (DS wears an O2 cannula) kids will ask, he'll answer and they won't ask again.

Prep him with an answer but not "this is my scar from wheny Momma did..." as that won't help any of you.

"I had an accident when I was a baby but it's all better now" will prob be sufficient.

And Def keep up the counseling

Bless you OP.

Children will ask as they’re inquisitive, it doesn’t mean they’re teasing or being nasty. Obviously if they are then that’s different and you need to have a word with school. You need to prep your DS with some answers. That it’s a scar and he hurt himself. Or something about it’s where he gets his super powers from.

I have a scar on my face and have had a lifetime of people asking what it was. I never thought about my scar until someone pointed it out, even adults. I don’t know why people feel the need to do this. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to teach him that it’s just part of who he is but that children may ask about it and ask him what he wants to say. Also, don’t project any of your feelings on to him. You need to make him feel confident.

I’m sure there’s probably some stuff online about it.

Definitely prep him with an answer and don't project your guilt and sadness onto him.

I have a scar on my face and spent years being bullied due to it. To be honest it actually made me really resilient and if people ask I tell them
I fell and split my chin and it was stitched badly (A&E should have got a plastic surgeon to look at it but they didn’t).

Not a scar so not permanent, but my DS had to wear patches at at that age. I was so nervous for him, but although there was lots of curiosity, especially about what was under the patch, he just said he was a pirate and that was that. Just give him something cool or matter of fact to say in reply - its a war wound, I had an accident, its my superhero mark - and after a while kids won't ask. When they get older there is unlikely to be much interest as other kids also get scars from accidents and they realise what they are.

My 6 year old has a spot of alopecia on the side of his head, it won't go away pediatricians have said he will have it throughout life.

Children in his class ask him why he has a bald spot. You can't stop that unfortunately, they are just children asking questions. They are being inquisitive.

Best thing I have found is not to make a fuss. We don't talk about it at home and it doesn't seem to bother him as much. If he says someone mentioned it we just say oh its just your little patch and move the conversation on. Dont make a big deal of it and your little one won't see it as a big deal xx

On forehead you say? That's easy - it's his Harry Potter scar! (Sorry, I know that sounds flippant as he'll but that's what if be telling him to say. He'll get kudos for that reply.)

Hi OP have you made a few posts about this before as I recognise the scar / PTSD from Mum. Kids will always ask questions and they usually are g doing this out of malice.

How big is the scar?

I got it when I was a baby, just like Harry Potter!

Ds has a scarred hand.. His usual story was he punched a shark whilst saving his db.. Maybe your ds is related to Harry Potter? Teach him a few of the well known spell phrases..

My son has a facial disfigurement due to multiple surgeries had as a toddler. He is now 21. When he was small every adult Tom Dick and Harry would mention it. It used to make me really angry. My son was self conscious and people pointing it out upset him. I remember going out for a meal with extended family and the waitress asked me what had happened to his nose. I brushed her question off and at the end of the meal she came and asked me again! I realised that I had to rethink my approach going forward to help my son, it wasn't going to go away, people were going to mention it and being angry about it wasn't helping me or my son. I began to reframe our approach. This was a difference my son had, we'd acknowledge this give the nosy strangers a brief answer to satisfy their curiosity. As he got older people asked less and he told his peers and friends he'd had surgery when he was little and that was that. Children are generally just inquisitive and honest, we found this easier than adults who stare and mutter.

I grew up with my sister who had a large mole on her nose. Doctors at the time said it would be hard to remove due to the lack of skin in the area and the fact she is still growing. I always thought it looked really cool, i had a friend who had a large birth mark too and I thought she looked cool as well! Not all children will be mean, most will be curious. It's going to be something he will have to learn to deal with. Just make sure he has something to say if children say anything that answers curious questions but is also firm that there is nothing wrong with him and some people just look different. Why would you all want to look the same? That would be so boring. Maybe talk to his teacher about your concerns too. Good luck with it OP, dont blame yourself. Try not to put such a negative air around it, as it seems like he would have to live with it for a while.

I have a scar on my forehead due to a car accident when I was a teenager. I still tell people it's my Harry Potter scar x

Ugh, I've been here op! My dd also has a scar on her forehead. It was an accident when she was a toddler and I didn't think it was bad enough to take her to minor injuries . It didn't look like a bad cut when it happened and it barely bled. She'd had a million cuts and bruises by then, like many active toddlers do, so i didn't think much of it. It looked like it was healing fine, so I thought it would just disappear altogether. But, it has somehow, left her with a scar about half an inch long and a couple of mm wide right bang smack between her eyebrows. I don't think kids have been mean about it and she actually never mentions it. I honestly don't know whether to bring it up to her, as I'm hoping she will just accept it is part of her face. The Harry Potter idea has occurred to me too!

FWIW, I have a small facial scar as well and I sometimes forget where it is, as it has faced so much now. I don't know how big your ds's scar is, but however big it looks now, it will look significantly smaller on an adult. I sometimes look up celebrities and models with facial scars. They all look lovely! I believe both the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have small facial scars.

Anyway, I'm not sure how helpful that is, but wanted to offer a hand hold .

And yes, btw, I have learnt my lesson the hard way and ANY cuts on the forehead need a trip to minor injuries. Something I wish I'd known before. Very guilty mum.

My 9 year old has a large red birthmark on his leg, and he told me recently he hated having a birthmark because the other children alway ask him questions and ask it is hurts etc. Then the other day I was looking and I thought it less obvious than before, so I said to him it may be getting fainter as he grows and perhaps it will fade away. Then he started crying because he didn't want it to go away as it makes him special. So the scar is not necessarily something bad to him, maybe it is just something to talk about, it's a part of him.

Faded*

DD (2) has birthmark on her face which children have started asking about which breaks my heart. She isn't bothered about it though. We talk about birthmarks and what they are to give her the words to use and try to build her self esteem as much as possible. Hopefully in time it will time.

I remember a lot of years ago reading the Jasper Carrot always got asked about his scar. He made ever increasingly silly stories of how he got it - he was bitten by a shark for example. I thought that was a fabulous way of dealing with it, so maybe that's something you can adapt?

One other thought I have - is he genuinely upset about his scar or is he mimicking your reactions to it? I completely and utterly understand how upset you are, particularly if you blame yourself for it, however children look to their adults to see how to react. If their adult brushes it off then so will the child.

I've got a huge scar on my forehead which I've had since I was 9 (I'm mid 50's now). I hid it with either a floppy fringe haircut, or and this may not work for your son, hiding it with flesh toned concealer and foundation. It needs to be done in layers but if you can colour match the tones to his skin colour and blend it, it will make the scar almost invisible. Try not to view it as make-up, but more like camouflage.

I have a birthmark on my face.

I used to make up lots of wierd and wonderful reasons for it’s existence.

Perhaps get together with him and see who can come up with the best/funniest/most outrageous reasons?

Shark attack? Bitten by a gerbil? Peter pan hit his head on a lampost going to neverland? It’s a communication device implanted by aliens, or the government is using him to spy on them all?
It’s where he had his bionic eye/ear fitted...
He was training for the olympic ski jump and his ski snapped...
He fell out of an aeroplane and was saved by a bush, but got caught on a branch..

If he makes the other kids laugh and they see it doesn’t matter to him it gives the bullies nothing to latch on to.

DD has a facial scar after an accident at nursery as a 1 year old - she was stitched up by plastic surgeons at the big district hospital. While she was small and the scar was pink and larger-looking, people were forever pointing it out (partly because it looked like food around her mouth, I think). I thought she looked lopsided and I worried that her beautiful smile would never be straight and even again.

Now it's white and faded and, although you can still see it and the stitch marks, it doesn't bother her - even though she's a self-conscious 12 year old. And it doesn't bother me either. I thought it would, but it doesn't. Please, please be gentle with yourself, and stick with your PTSD treatments. The scar and the memories will fade.

Yes I’ve posted on here about it when it first happened and then on and off since. 2 years now 😔
4 inches maybe

4 cm not inches

We always went with the line 'Pirates and spies and cool people have scars. It shows you've had an exciting life.'

That's a good story re Jasper Carrot. I hadn't noticed he had a scar either! Shows how they can be less noticeable, especially on adult faces.

I remember buying some flowers from a florist and he was using a sharp knife to trim the stems. I said "oh God that looks a bit lethal". He grinned and said "you're right about that", held up his hand and he had one finger which had been amputated right down to the base.

I went next door to have a hair cut and they were admiring my flowers, we got chatting and I said what the florist had said. The hairdresser burst out laughing and said "no, that isn't what happened - he's making fun of you" 😂😂. I had totally believed he'd at some point I hired himself with a knife at work, but apparently it wasn't that. Sort of similar to Jasper Carrot.