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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL huge dissapointment

390 replies

Ilovepancakes6 · 19/11/2020 01:12

OK so a few weeks ok I had a medical emergency and needed to go to the hospital (broken bone) I have 2 young children under 3.

This was at a weekend and my DH was at home with me, we decided to call his family to ask if they would come to watch the children whilst DH took me to the hospital (covid restrictions so he was only dropping me, would have been 45mins maximum). They weren't very keen as they were going to the pub said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else. We made other arrangements and I was home within 3 hours. NHS ❤

His parents did txt him the day after saying they felt bad and DH said dont worry about it (he is very forgiving and doesn't hold grudges or like being cross with ppl).

I am absolutely livid!!! I basically don't give a flying f**k about them anymore, they always say they are there for us blah blah bullshit ive been apart of this family for 16 years, to me actions speak louder than words. AIBU being so angry and hurt??

OP posts:
EerieSilence · 19/11/2020 10:07

I'm pretty shocked at some responses here. Are people really turning into heartless pricks who prefer going to the pub instead of helping their family?
TBH, I wouldn't hold the grudge but I certainly would remember that for when your PILs have an emergency and need help. Something else would be much more important for sure.
My Mum came over from a different country and helped me for 2 weeks when I had our DD.
My DH's family rallied around their Dad when he had a surgery and needed help, he lives alone because MIL passed away years ago. My DH was away for two weeks in his home country for that but I never thought to say no, you can't go over. FIL needed help, he got it.

Chickychickydodah · 19/11/2020 10:08

Next time they want a favour say you’re busy

yoyo1234 · 19/11/2020 10:17

Next time they need a favour be busy.I would be disappointed .

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:25

So you rang them, they explained they had plans but would come if there was no one else who could do it? I don't see what they've done wrong. They didn't refuse to come. They are allowed to have plans

Seriously, @wildraisins? Plans for a casual visit to the pub must come ahead of helping out their child with their grandchildren? What normal person would think that way?

RB68 · 19/11/2020 10:28

Fuck me if someone said they needed childcare to take someone to hospital I would have my coat on before they finished talking even if just a nodding acquaintance. If they didn't want me with their kids I would do the hospital run. In terms of breaks and ambulances it does depend on the break - by moving you can cause so much damage e.g. broken but not displaced ankle could become displaced and open if they were to fall over while hopping to the car etc. Also the ambulance can administer much better pain relief up to and including morphine. They would also pick up other issues such as if blood supply is compromised and so limb at risk etc

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:29

@Chalfontstgiles

For me, this would depend on the nature of the emergency and whether or not you were frequently down A&E. broken bone is serious and if you’re not often down at a&e then yeah, I can see why you’d be pissed of. But if your DH couldn’t enter with you anyway, why couldn’t he just bundle kids in the car?
FFS, your question has been answered - it's not difficult to read all OP's posts before responding.

I really cannot imagine saying to my son "Sorry, son, you've had your quota of A&E visits for this year, you'll have to make your wife hop to the hospital". Extraordinary way of thinking.

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:31

@BuggerationFlavouredCrisps

YAB completely U.

It wasn’t the sort of emergency where the children can’t go with you and your husband in the car. He can’t go inside the hospital with you, so he may as well supervise the children in the car.

I have a hospital appt later today and the Hospital is a 100min drive away. I’ll be collecting DS from school at lunchtime to take him with me as we’re in lockdown. I’m not going to ask someone else to collect him, as that would be unnecessary and increases the risk of passing on the virus.

If you can't RTFT, @BuggerationFlavouredCrisps, why not at least try reading OP's posts? MN makes it really easy these days. She's explained why the children couldn't go in the car.,
dottiedodah · 19/11/2020 10:32

Agree with you ,it was shit .However all done now and over with .I would just move on TBH as others have said lifes too short and all that!

Billben · 19/11/2020 10:33

I wouldn’t be forgetting this incident if I was you OP. You can clearly see where their priorities lie and how much you and their own grandchildren mean to them. Remember this as they are getting older.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/11/2020 10:35

I'm surprised at some of the responses on here. I just can't imagine telling my DCs I couldn't help them as I was going to the pub …. how would that even be an enjoyable pub visit with that on your mind. Bizarre. Surely families help each other out, even strangers would help out!

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:35

@BrumBoo

You were seen, xrayed, put in a cast, signed off and back home (45 mins away) all in 3 hours?! Wow, the NHS is working well at the moment!

Hope you're better soon.

A number of people have posted on the thread that this isn't unusual, particularly given that the first cast will normally be a temporary one to allow swelling to subside. Plus hospitals are reporting that A&E departments are quiet these days because people avoid going there for obvious reasons.

It's not 45 minutes away, OP said that the round trip for her husband would have taken 45 minutes maximum. That would presumably include finding a wheelchair and getting her into A&E.

But do carry on nitpicking whilst not bothering to read and spectacularly missing the point of the thread.

PatriciaPerch · 19/11/2020 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/11/2020 10:36

It would definitely affect how I felt about helping them in years to come as they age …. it has to work both ways!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/11/2020 10:37

So out of interest, at what age do you suddenly become so distant and aloof to your DCs, the morning of their 18th or is it a slow build up?

nosswith · 19/11/2020 10:38

I understand your being upset at their reason to be reluctant, but am concerned at your still being livid several weeks later.

AdobeWanKenobi · 19/11/2020 10:39

@movingonup20

Ps I broke my kneecap and elbow, bloody painful but still fitted in the car with the kids, shoved the passenger seat right back, toddler didn't need leg room (baby was rear facing of course)
Ridiculous.

I crawled there on my hands and knees with two broken ankles, two children strapped to my back and I even called in Tesco for a big shop on the way (socially distanced of course)

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:43

Last year we had a call from youngest son who was out in the town nearby with some of his mates. One of them fell, possibly had a broken bone and was bleeding badly. They called an ambulance and were told it would take a few hours. They were outside and it was a cold winter evening. The patient's parents didn't drive and lived further away. Our son called us because we were nearest. DH didn't hesitate to pick up his car keys, go to fetch the lad and take him to A&E, then he went to their house to pick up his mum and drop her off.

Not a big deal, but the possibility of saying no never for one moment crossed DH's mind. I'm not claiming he is particularly saintly, this just seems like what any normal person would do.

EerieSilence · 19/11/2020 10:47

@movingonup20 wow, you're getting a medal for bravery. What an achievement!!!

I broke my kneecap, walked on it for 8 days, then I got myself to surgery, got a brace and crutches but before I started using everything, I drove myself home for 60 miles and I hopped around the house on one leg so I didn't have to bother my family.
But that was just me and my own choice. I know that if I asked for help, I would have gotten it. I certainly wouldn't begrudge anyone for asking. The way I am is simply because we live so far away from any family that they simply can't come over in case of emergency but I know that my family who live in one town help each other without even thinking about whether to do it or not. Whenever I'm there, I feel also uncomfortable because they're ready to jump in and do whatever is needed if I require assistance with something.

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:47

Presumably if it was a severe fracture or a major limb you would have called an ambulance

Surely a leg is a major limb on any yardstick? And why would you call an ambulance if you could get there more quickly by travelling in the back seat of your own car?

BrumBoo · 19/11/2020 10:47

A number of people have posted on the thread that this isn't unusual, particularly given that the first cast will normally be a temporary one to allow swelling to subside. Plus hospitals are reporting that A&E departments are quiet these days because people avoid going there for obvious reasons.

Oh I was just surprised as my local a and e isn't particularly quiet at the moment, in fact many are reporting to be busy. Took an hour and a half just for my eldest to be checked over (no scan) for a bash at school. A similar amount of time for a broken leg is still quite surprising.

I shouldn't actually be surprised, there have been quite a few of these threads recently where an op gets seen remarkably quickly for their broken bones despite a family memebr letting them down badly. Must happen much more often than I though Smile.

diddl · 19/11/2020 10:48

Of course the kids could have gone with, but I think a lot of people would have helped as the kids staying at home just makes it easier.

And them not having to be bundled in the car again when Op needed fetching.

Eddielzzard · 19/11/2020 10:56

Well, what goes around comes around. I wouldn't be jumping to help them out in future. At least until I felt less upset. I think that's pretty damn selfish of them.

MoonJelly · 19/11/2020 10:58

Are you sure DH gave the correct information to his mum?
Can you come now OP has broken her leg!

Must admit I'm struggling to imagine this conversation.

DH: "Mum, could you come and watch the children, DW has hurt her leg and I need to take her to hospital. She'll need to ride on the back seat so she can put her leg up so I can't take the kids"

MIL: "Is it broken?"
DH: I don't know, that's why I'm taking her to A&E.
MIL: "Oh well, in that case, I'm only coming if you can't find anyone else. I'm only coming now if it's broken. Bye, son."

Seefooddiet · 19/11/2020 11:08

I was triaged, xrayed, in a walking boot and out the door waiting for another driver to pick me up 35 minutes after signing in with the receptionist in Warwick hospital the other week, beyond impressed
Wish I'd thought to take 2 paracetamol, couldve just walked home

Mittens030869 · 19/11/2020 11:09

It’s interesting to see the difference between the poll and the thread. 79-21% in favour of YANBU. Presumably it’s mostly the YABUs who are commenting.

The OP is in pain, which is why she’s feeling livid. There are a lot of unkind comments on this thread.