Teacher bullying

[Titch56]

My child is 9yr old. He made a rude gesture in the school playground. Not at any one he was just stood on his own and decided to do this. I am not condoning in any way what he did. My problems is that it took three members of staff, a TA, his class teacher and the headteacher to tell him off for this. The poor child was intimidated and embarrassed.
I think this is teacher bullying.
He owned up to his indiscretion and said he was sorry. Why three teachers, I feel his own class teacher would have been enough.
Thoughts please

I'm not sure why the number of staff makes it bullying. Did what they actually said to him constitute bullying, in your opinion?

It sounds like an over reaction not bullying.

I think it depends what he did? If it was a rude gesture maybe they were worried others may have seen and they start copying, so by 3 different teachers telling him off he understands how serious it is and that he must never do it again? If this was a younger child I may agree that 3 didn’t need it but at 9 he is able to understand.

It's hardly bullying. We shouldn't be throwing that word around.

Tbh if it was my child I'd be absolutely fine with them being spoken to by 3 teachers. Why was he making rude gestures in the playground anyway? Seems a strange thing to do.

As a teacher, if I was going about my business and saw a child being told off for some very silly behaviour like that, I might well weigh in with a “I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Mrs X, surely nobody behaves like that around school”. It’s not bullying, it’s to impress upon the child that this isn’t just the whim of one teacher, but that they’re doing something against the culture of the school. It’s really important that staff sing from the same hymn sheet on these things.

If the version of events you've described is true, it does seem like an overreaction. It does NOT mean your son is being bullied by school staff- that's a ridiculous assumption.

However... these things came to mind:

Who told you that the rude gesture was 'not at anyone'?

Did you get told about the incident by a school staff member, or by your child?

Is it possible that there has been a past history of similar rude gestures that have been dealt with in school, and your child has continued to make them anyway?

Could your child have actually made the gesture at someone (perhaps a staff member?), which is why it escalated?

Hi no this is not his usual behavior. He isn't a 'naughty' child. I wasn't told by school, my child told me and I went into school to question this.

He is a quiet, shy boy but who knows why they do things. I just feel it would have more effect if just one teacher, his class teacher, was to sit and talk to him about this. Shouting at children never works. We know he didn't do this to any one person the child who told on him said he was stood on his own in the school yard. I still think three adults telling off one child is excessive.

You went into school during a pandemic to question the teachers, but they are the ones you think overreacted?

It’s not bullying l, it’s discipline. They saw him Thursday disciplined him. Maybe next time he won’t do that.

Do it* not Thursday

HI, I was also a teacher and when a student did something wrong they were sent to their class teacher, who unless it was a serious incident, e.g stealing, hitting, damaging property etc then it would be passed to the head.
I also feel that i it warranted three members of staff to speak to him then I should have been informed.
It does seem a strange thing for him to do? When I ask him if knows what it means he said no. It's just something he has seen maybe on you tube or some social media as we can't shield them from everything.
We don't swear at home and he isn't 'street wise' so being talk with and explained to would have been enough.

This is only a small school of 70 pupils and the staff know them all very well, there was no need or this in my opinion.

This is why we have such a problem in this country with discipline and respect. Parents constantly undermining and questioning teachers.

I’d have been too embarrassed to go into school if my child had done that, I’d have said well you shouldn’t have done it, it’s dealt with, don’t do it again and move on.

Crikey it's not like they beat him with a cane

Shouting at children never works.

Nor does exaggerating.

I also feel that i it warranted three members of staff to speak to him then I should have been informed.

I agree with this.

How else will he learn that it is unacceptable? You don't seem to have taught him that.

@HOkieCOkie

This is why we have such a problem in this country with discipline and respect. Parents constantly undermining and questioning teachers.

This with bells on!

OP, I hope you told your child off also and didn’t let him see how angry you were with the school for daring to discipline your precious child.

He's a 9 year old child. growing, learning developing, pushing boundaries. all very natural.
I did deal with it at home. Perhaps you all feel it's OK three adults x one child, I do not. These are the things that impact children's thoughts, anger. How these incidents are handled is so important.

Yes I went into the school foyer, which was far more dangerous for me as I felt this was so important and the state of my child was heartbreaking.

Perhaps you all do think I am over reacting but I know my child and this was over the top

Thank you.

Well , surely it depends. Did all three stand round him berating him for his actions. Or did the TA say it was something that he/she needed to speak to the class teacher about and the class teacher told him that it was something theHead needed to deal with?

@Titch56

Hi no this is not his usual behavior. He isn't a 'naughty' child. I wasn't told by school, my child told me and I went into school to question this.

He is a quiet, shy boy but who knows why they do things. I just feel it would have more effect if just one teacher, his class teacher, was to sit and talk to him about this. Shouting at children never works. We know he didn't do this to any one person the child who told on him said he was stood on his own in the school yard. I still think three adults telling off one child is excessive.

I don’t think that quiet shy boys make rude gestures in playgrounds OP. He got told off, perhaps one teacher would’ve been enough but at least the message has sunk in now. They have a duty to teach- it’s what they’re there for and even if he’s not doing it at anyone specifically, it’s still rude.

@Titch56 if you ‘know it was over the top’ why did you come on here asking for opinions? Seems a bit pointless.

There is no need to be rude. Yes my child is precious to me. I don't have a problem with him being disciplined by school, if it's constructive and carried out correctly.
My child is taught right from wrong and yes I discipline him at home too. I am not embarrassed by what he did, he admitted it was wrong, why he suddenly did it in the school playground, who knows, he's a child. They experiment is natural.
I still think it was handled badly.

Op: AIBU?
MN: Yes
OP: no I’m not you don’t understand!

OP it sounds a bit over the top calling teachers bullies