Teacher bullying

[Titch56]

My child is 9yr old. He made a rude gesture in the school playground. Not at any one he was just stood on his own and decided to do this. I am not condoning in any way what he did. My problems is that it took three members of staff, a TA, his class teacher and the headteacher to tell him off for this. The poor child was intimidated and embarrassed.
I think this is teacher bullying.
He owned up to his indiscretion and said he was sorry. Why three teachers, I feel his own class teacher would have been enough.
Thoughts please

When your boss has a word with you in the office do passerbys feel the need to come and have an opinion and a prod. If they did it would amount to humiliation - why is this any different?

Because it’s not an office, it’s a school. Those ‘passers by’ are in loco parentis.

It must have been serious for him.to be sent to the head. If this occurred in my house I would be asking my child if he had learnt his lesson and backed up the teachers. Honestly there non wonder teachers are lwavine when they get no backup and support from parents and are instead accused of bullying 😕 how are teachers supposed to keep the class under control when parents constantly undermine them?

But I still wonder why the boy's mum wasn't informed about it? If they had, the OP would have had the facts rather than just her DS's version of events.

If it was serious enough that he was sent to the head, wouldn't it be a matter of course to inform the parents?

I'm interested that no one has picked up on the fact that the TA was informed of this by another child, she didn't witness it herself.

I did, commented on it earlier.

I agree with other posters about the probability of you receiving "edited highlights". At 9 years old, he's past the age of naively being egged on by a more knowing child; even if he doesn't realise quite how rude the gesture is, he knows he's being "daring" and "outrageous". I have known very quiet boys tagging along with "Jack the Lad", secretly wishing they could be that bold, trying to impress, and being devastated by the consequences, which aforementioned Jack would probably have taken in his stride.
The "mass telling off" is most likely passing adults backing up, reinforcing the message that the reprimand was not the passing whim of one quixotic adult, but a statement of a universally accepted school policy, especially if the first adult was "only" a TA. (The child's opinion, not mine, I must emphasise!)
As a class teacher, I would have gone into measured disapproval mode, only involving the Head if it was either the last in a series of escalations or something heinous.

I'm interested that no one has picked up on the fact that the TA was informed of this by another child, she didn't witness it herself.

I'm not sure it's relevant given he owned up and there is no doubt that he did it.

When I was a child I confessed to things I hadn't done, because I couldn't cope with interrogation, so it doesn't follow that he made the gesture the other child said he did. I had no understanding of rude gestures as a child and my DDs don't either. If the household you're growing up in doesn't make abusive gestures, it is possible for them not to understand the difference between rude gestures.

But I ask again, if it was serious enough to involve the head, why weren't the parents told? I've been told much more minor incidents than a rude gesture.

Teachers aren't in the playground so I can imagine a situation where the playground supervisor tells him off (1) then she tells the teacher when she comes to take the kids in and they tell him off (2) If the TA brings the child in she would be the second person to say something and she might tell the teacher who'd be the 3rd person to say something.

I'm surprised that the school didn't inform you of an incident that 3 adults knew about,

Just seen someone mention he was sent to the head!

By rude gesture do you mean sticking up his middle finger? Or doing the gesture for wanker?

Ask the head to explain .
It could be that DS had flatly refused instructions by several people and they called for back up. Or, that he had done or said considerably more than he has told you.

@Malbecfan

OP at first I thought you were the parent who sent me a snotty email yesterday about how I dealt with her precious DS but mine was an older child. There are striking similarities between the two cases.

In my case the little darling has gone home & cried to mummy that horrid Mrs Malbec has disciplined him. Of course he told mummy he didn't do it. The fact is, in front of 30 other kids, he admitted it, then (to his credit) apologised. However, the fact remains that he broke at least 2 school rules and potentially put another student at Covid risk, so I was quite harsh with him for a couple of reasons. Firstly, his behaviour was puerile when he was meant to be listening to me. Secondly, the risk he posed by using another student's machine, something not allowed even in non-Covid times. Thirdly, to send a strong message to the rest of the class that this sort of behaviour will be stamped down on.

We have so few sanctions available to us. Unlike some of the rest of the country, we can't sit at home on furlough watching Netflix. We have our own caring responsibilities and are completely stressed out by interacting with up to 180 different kids each day. When a kid does something stupid & thoughtless, we are going to clamp down on it. If you don't like it, may I suggest you take sole responsibility for educating your DS to be a well-qualified asset to society and remove him from school completely. Then come back and tell us all how to do our jobs.

I'm definitely on your team! 😁

If this was out of character, then I can understand why they made such a fuss. To shock him and it sounds like it worked. Letting things appear small to children can be the start of a slippery slope. I'm sure if they had let it go then he would have pushed the boundaries further. They have a clear policy and it worked. You really have no business telling a headteacher how to run their school. They didn't ring you because it was out of character and as it had been dealt with successfully, why would they. This was his warning. Teachers have better things to do than be on a hotline every time a child misbehaves... There are 69 others in the school.

Why are so many old threads being resurrected today?!

@HOkieCOkie

This is why we have such a problem in this country with discipline and respect. Parents constantly undermining and questioning teachers.

YES!

Oh fuck, just realised this was a zombie thread 🙈

My child did something less than yours and got told off by her teacher,the headteacher and myself. It's called singing from the same sheet and guess what she's never done it again 🤷‍♀️.

It isn't uncommon. If there were several members of staff there when it happened, it is fairly common that they would all express disapproval. You seem to be minimising the fact that your son used unacceptable gesture and instead are focusing on how many adults told him off. You are being ridiculous. What you should be doing is telling your ds you are disappointed in him. Then move on and forget it. All this drama about him being told off for doing something wrong!

I am trying to get some information on What is the support/benefits (not monetary) do carers of foster children compared with privately foster carers?
I thought if children were removed from their maternal home, with or without birth parents consent by Child Social Services they wer then in care? Perhaps I am wrong?
Can anyone help/advice on this?

They weren’t there. No staff saw him!

Sorry last message isn’t part of this post.

I suggest you start a new thread, rather than tacking your query onto an old one.

@Titch56

I am trying to get some information on What is the support/benefits (not monetary) do carers of foster children compared with privately foster carers? I thought if children were removed from their maternal home, with or without birth parents consent by Child Social Services they wer then in care? Perhaps I am wrong? Can anyone help/advice on this?

Try starting a new thread. It's unlikely that anyone will see your question at the end of an old thread.

Not sure how to?

@liveitwell

It's hardly bullying. We shouldn't be throwing that word around.

Tbh if it was my child I'd be absolutely fine with them being spoken to by 3 teachers. Why was he making rude gestures in the playground anyway? Seems a strange thing to do.

Perhaps he made the gesture at the teacher which would be enough to bring down the roof on his head. I don't believe he gestured at no one.