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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher bullying

125 replies

Titch56 · 18/11/2020 08:48

My child is 9yr old. He made a rude gesture in the school playground. Not at any one he was just stood on his own and decided to do this. I am not condoning in any way what he did. My problems is that it took three members of staff, a TA, his class teacher and the headteacher to tell him off for this. The poor child was intimidated and embarrassed.
I think this is teacher bullying.
He owned up to his indiscretion and said he was sorry. Why three teachers, I feel his own class teacher would have been enough.
Thoughts please

OP posts:
coldwarenigma · 18/11/2020 11:31

Has anyone suggested logging it with 101 yet?

LittleTiger007 · 18/11/2020 11:33

I can imagine a couple of gestures I have seen 9 year old boys do and if my TA told me a child in my class had done it then they would go straight to the head teacher. If sent to the Head then the parents would need informing though.
9 year old boys can do some pretty crude gestures nit realising what they are ‘acting out’ is obscene. Hence a quick stern word from the head and hopefully the message gets home that this is inappropriate.

WitchesGlove · 18/11/2020 11:41

@SuperbGorgonzola

I think it depends on a few things, including what the gesture was. Making the V sign is not as serious as the "wanker" sign or other offensive political gestures for instance.
Excuse my ignorance- but what are the offensive political gestures?
Cocomarine · 18/11/2020 11:43

Also thing the gesture matters, and the fact that you haven’t explained what it was, makes it likely it was a more serious one.

I very much expect it was a sexual gesture (wanking, possibly) not something like the one finger.

My son nearly went to a school of 68 but I decided the larger school would suit him better. I know kids there, and they very much take the ethos of everyone knows everyone and everything... the head would be told less as an escalation and more as a standard practice that everyone knows.

As for the state your son was in... good - if he was upset at being reprimanded, then you’re raising him right 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cocomarine · 18/11/2020 11:44

@WitchesGlove the nazi salute springs to mind.

Perhaps OP’s son was goose stepping around on his own, practising a Heil Hitler?

saraclara · 18/11/2020 11:47

No, the TA told him off first, in front of the everyone in the dinning hall

In the OP you said it was the playground.

If he made the gesture in the dining hall, then he had far more of an audience (including much younger kids) than in the playground. If the telling off was 'in front of everyone' then so was the gesture.

I would be far more on board with the reaction if he did it in the dining hall. And I still don't understand why he would do it randomly without any intended target or audience. It makes no sense.

Bogardicia · 18/11/2020 11:51

Agree that it depends what the gesture was...

SuperbGorgonzola · 18/11/2020 11:53

Yes, I was thinking of the Nazi salute, however I would hope that OP would have been contacted about that.

sst1234 · 18/11/2020 11:58

OP, why are you asking if you have already made up your mind. Do you just want people to validate your view?

Mittens030869 · 18/11/2020 11:59

Do you think he may have been tricked into doing it by a friend who was intentionally setting him up? The OP said that he's shy and normally doesn't get into trouble. And they also don't swear at home, which means that it's really possible that he didn't know what the gesture meant. (My DDs of 11 and 9 certainly wouldn't have a clue.)

I ask this because this stunt was used on me by bullies at my private girls' school. Also, a couple of young German speaking male students at my parents' language school tricked my DSis when she was a teenager into saying to our DM, 'You are a donkey' in German, which apparently is very rude in German. My DSis didn't know any German but our DM did.

The OP wasn't told about it, which is surprising if there's zero tolerance. (I've been told about any less than perfect behaviour from my DDs; this is rare as they never get in trouble at school.)

Cocomarine · 18/11/2020 12:00

@Titch56 has “closed the thread” so I doubt is interested in sharing what the gesture was, especially as the thread mostly goes against her reaction.

I think the gesture took place in the playground, but the TA told him off in the dining hall? I guess they were playing outside and the TA saw it as they were calling them in for dinner.

Mittens030869 · 18/11/2020 12:02

@Cocomarine That sounds very likely to me.

I think, in the OP's shoes, DH or I would have sent an email asking for details. Because I would be concerned about the fact that we hadn't been told, especially as the headteacher was involved.

ancientgran · 18/11/2020 12:08

The OP said another child told the TA so I don't think it is worth speculating about when the TA saw him.

kursaalflyer · 18/11/2020 12:21

9 times out of 10 'in front of everyone' really means in front of a few mates or children within a few feet. No way would the cacophony of a dining room be hushed just for a telling off. Ime anyway.

kazzer2867 · 18/11/2020 12:23

This is why we have such a problem in this country with discipline and respect. Parents constantly undermining and questioning teachers.

^^This.

flaviaritt · 18/11/2020 12:24

This is why we have such a problem in this country with discipline and respect. Parents constantly undermining and questioning teachers.

Double this.

Rollmopsrule · 18/11/2020 12:28

I agree three adults is excessive. Also why should a teacher 'weigh in ' when they see a kid being told off? They didn't see the issue so why should they get involved if its already being handled. When your boss has a word with you in the office do passerbys feel the need to come and have an opinion and a prod. If they did it would amount to humiliation - why is this any different?

Whatisthisfuckery · 18/11/2020 12:30

Jesus christ, another one of these ‘my little Johnny wouldn’t do that’ parents.

If my DS comes home and tells me he’s been in trouble, which admittedly is quite rare, I always assume there’s more to it than he’s telling me.

As another example, my nephew told me that he was put in isolation just for putting a book down too hard on a desk. ‘what else did you do though nephew? I doubt the teacher would jump straight to C3 over something so small. Had she already told you off for something that lesson?’ ‘Erm, well the teacher had already told me off twice but those things weren’t my fault either. She told me off for talking but I was telling somebody else to shut up, and the second time I was just finishing my sentence. I didn’t even throw the book, the teacher told me to pass it back to x and I kind of just skimmed it onto the desk and it slid off onto the floor.’

Then a couple of weeks later a conversation with my sister. Sister, ‘DS got isolation for putting a book down too hard on the desk, isn’t that silly?’ Me, ‘yeah, but what else had he done to annoy the teacher that lesson?’ Sister, ‘literally nothing, nephew told me and I believe him, he doesn’t lie.’ Lol, course not sister.

Funny how these things get minimised and minimised until they never happened at all. Sorry, it any parent this gullible is bloody stupid.

SoupDragon · 18/11/2020 12:31

Also why should a teacher 'weigh in ' when they see a kid being told off?

They didn't.

lazylinguist · 18/11/2020 12:33

I agree three adults is excessive. Also why should a teacher 'weigh in ' when they see a kid being told off?

That's not what happened.

happydivorcee · 18/11/2020 12:36

I teach nine year olds. My school behaviour policy is “praise in public, reprimand in private” so if I reprimanded a child in private for a poor choice of behaviour my TA might do the same without knowing I had dealt with the problem. Just a thought.

Cocomarine · 18/11/2020 12:40

@Whatisthisfuckery that made me laugh - so true!

Rollmopsrule · 18/11/2020 12:41

SoupDragon I should have made it clear the 'weigh in ' comment was for another poster that does that occasionally to support another teacher.

GenevaL · 18/11/2020 12:44

If teachers are close by when another teacher is disciplining a child it is pretty common for the other teacher to comment / assist. It’s how pupils get the message that 1) teachers support each other 2) the objection to the behaviour is shared by other staff because it goes against school policy. Really not seeing a problem here.

lazylinguist · 18/11/2020 12:45

Whatisthisfuckery - yes, that sounds like a fairly typical kid version of the circumstances of being told off. Grin