Teacher bullying

[Titch56]

My child is 9yr old. He made a rude gesture in the school playground. Not at any one he was just stood on his own and decided to do this. I am not condoning in any way what he did. My problems is that it took three members of staff, a TA, his class teacher and the headteacher to tell him off for this. The poor child was intimidated and embarrassed.
I think this is teacher bullying.
He owned up to his indiscretion and said he was sorry. Why three teachers, I feel his own class teacher would have been enough.
Thoughts please

I don't think there's anything wrong with reinforcing the message and for the ds to realise that more than one member of staff is aware of his misbehaviour. If three staff had been standing over him simultaneously and yelling, that would be a different matter. Imo it's perfectly normal for a teacher or TA to reprimand a child, mention it to a more senior member of staff, and for the senior member of staff to decide they ought to have a word with the child too.

It’s definitely not bullying and I’d nip teacher blaming now before he gets to high school and realises he can get away with anything.

They must have incredibly well behaved children if this warranted such a reaction. When my DD was physically assaulted at school it didn't get so much attention.

What was the gesture?

[quote HOkieCOkie]@nomdeplume2019 my mum never questioned the teachers. If I swore I’d get in trouble and if I told my mum she’d say good you shouldn’t be swearing. no discussion needed really.[/quote]
If the Op had been give a phone call this post would not exist?

@Titch56

Hi no this is not his usual behavior. He isn't a 'naughty' child. I wasn't told by school, my child told me and I went into school to question this.

He is a quiet, shy boy but who knows why they do things. I just feel it would have more effect if just one teacher, his class teacher, was to sit and talk to him about this. Shouting at children never works. We know he didn't do this to any one person the child who told on him said he was stood on his own in the school yard. I still think three adults telling off one child is excessive.

As a teacher I can say that in playground duty with two other teachers and 400 children you have to deal with things there and then. Then I would tell the individual class teacher who would reinforce what I’d said. It would only be necessary to tell the parent if this behaviour was repeated. If the child answered back or refused to accept what had been said then they would sit down with a ta out of class to discuss why the reaction. Still no need to tell parents. This kind of thing happens repeatedly all day long... we can’t report every incident to parents.

'HI, I was also a teacher'

Blimey

Ok I just saw your subsequent post. If he was sent to the Head then he probably swore or the gesture he made was very rude. This warrants immediately being sent to the Head. This is because most schools have a zero tolerance policy about these things.
Maybe you should ask what true was. If it was in any way sexual then you have your answer. They would probably record it as well I case it became a pattern.
Children do stuff, it’s dealt with and may never happen again.
This does not amount to bullying.

To me it sounds like the TA told him off, he has smirked or said, "you are not a teacher" and then done similar with his own teacher.

3 members of staff is not excessive if a child does not understand how serious something is.

The ta has to tell the teacher and if the gesture is serious or sexual then it has to go to the Head.
This is discipline and it stops the incident happening again. It is in no way bullying.

The only thing that I feel might have been excessive is that he was sent to the headteacher’s office. He had already been told off by a TA and his class teacher and that would have been enough.

The OP was well OTT to go to the school to talk to the class teacher, especially during Covid. If it was one of my DDs, I would have said, ‘Well you know not to do it again now’, and that would have been the end of it. (I might have rolled my eyes about her having been sent to the headteacher but only with my DH.)

I can't help thinking that this was not a mild rude gesture and that it was indeed aimed at someone. Either that or his response to the TA was inflammatory.

Has the TA confirmed that it was innocently made at random without any intent, but she just thought it important to clamp down? Or is her account somewhat different? What did they say when you went into school?

😂 give me strength.

The OP did say he apologised and was upset so why assume he smirked? That’s pure speculation. But I take the point about zero tolerance.

I think it depends on a few things, including what the gesture was. Making the V sign is not as serious as the "wanker" sign or other offensive political gestures for instance.

Sounds like he may have massively downplayed what he actually did and he knew mummy would back him up, whatever he said. 🙄

But no, it definitely wasn’t bullying! 🤣

You're 'that' parent.

You are doing your son no favours and this is why he will cause you trouble as he gets older-he will know you will always support him and undermine the teachers if the discipline is not to your liking. Those kids do not turn out well...

@Titch56 I hope you didn’t use the word “bullying” when speaking to the school or your child. As it’s far from bullying.

If anything, if he was heartbroken as you say, perhaps it’s because he is quiet and shy and isn’t used to be told off at school for misbehaving.

I get the feeling that your son isn’t telling you the full story. There’s a strong chance that this rude gesture was incredibly abhorrent and he did it in front of other children who can also copy this behaviour so to reinforce that this isn’t something that others should not imitate, the behavioural policy was implemented and the Head must have also spoken to him. Also, how do you know when your made this rude gesture, that it wasn’t directly at someone even if it wasn’t intentional? You need to ask yourself if it is ok for children to make rude gestures as long as it’s not directed at anyone?Hopefully, it’s a lesson learnt and you and your son can move on from this.

There is something missing here:

What was the gesture?

Did the teachers confirm that it wasn’t to anyone?

Did he apologise right away or argue with the member of staff?

That would give everyone a better idea if this was OTT.

We know he didn't do this to any one person the child who told on him said he was stood on his own in the school yard

If someone saw him, he wasn't really alone. You don't have to be standing with someone to make rude gestures.

I don’t get it. You don’t want your child told off in front of people? Like it’s Mi6? Surely if he’s big enough to be making obscene gestures he’s big enough to be told off in front of his mates?

Being told off by three members of staff, including the head teacher does seem a bit excessive if he genuinely didn't know what it meant. Did he tell them that he didn't know what it meant or did he just stand there in silence while they told him off?

Was this hand gesture just a one off though? Or has he been pushing boundaries for a while and after constantly having to pull him up on his behaviour his teacher and teaching assistant have decided to take him to the headteacher?

Schools had a lot on their plates before lockdown. Now, with the covid situation, there is less tolerance for poor behaviour at the minute. Schools have a lot of plates to keep spinning, and they can't do that if kids are taking the mick all the time.

This is where you back the teachers up - at least to your DC's face. Back them up by showing him how unacceptable his behaviour was.
IF you feel very strongly that they dealt with it in a bad way, then you approach them privately. You DO NOT say anything in front of your DS.
BTW, when I was in primary 1, yes, first year at primary school, I was in a dispute in the playground with another girl and she bit my arm. The lower primary head spotted this and pulled the two of us to the front of the class, while she told EVERYONE just what this other girl had done to me, showed the class the bite mark and then said to everyone what a badly brought up girl she was. Then we were MARCHED ROUND THE ENTIRE SCHOOL while she repeated this to every class. Even I was mortified for the other girl. This was the 60's of course..... she'd have been sued nowadays.

And yes, it very much depends on what the gesture was as to whether a telling off by the TA was enough. If it was serious (like simulating masturbation/oral sex) then he needs a right telling off by the HT, irrespective of who has spoken to him already. If he put one finger up then I think the class teacher still needed to know but probably not the Head.