Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

@florascotia2 I'm agreeing with you and that's why I've also suggested that single women reclaim Mrs. I know Ms supposedly has a pre-20th century history too, but it doesn't feel the same, and it's not a continuous history. But like I've said, I'm not against it for those who prefer it.

@LyingDogsLie1

I totally agree. I don’t think it’s right that a woman reveals so much about herself by her title. When you consider that Mrs derived from Mr’s (as in his possession) it makes it even worse. Miss then Ms I think - like Master to Mr.

Mrs is short for Mistress in the same way that Mr is short for Master.

I love being Mrs.

More than happy to be asked and to answer.

YANBU - it should be Mr for men, Ms for women. If someone wants another title to be used (Mrs, Dr, Mx, whatever) they can ask. Few people care.

The best solution would be if it was Miss/Master for a child and Mr/Mrs for an adult, regardless of marital status. Which it already is, unless you’re a woman.

I worked for a travel company and came across a lot of people who didn’t like to be asked there title when taking there details for a quote. We was told by management we HAD to take a title to know how the customer would like to be addressed.

I like being a Mrs. I'm proud of being married.

Aw, fraulein sounds so cute 😄

I don't think anyone needs a title. Just use their name. Titles are quite old fashioned when you think about it.

I'm a very happy (and old) miss. I have bad memories associated with the women I knew who insisted on being called Ms when I was growing up and don't want to be in any way referred to in a similar vein to them.

melisande, I absolutely agree that it is interesting and rich to consider Mrs in its context as a mark of status/respect for all cooks and housekeepers, and its origins as "Mistress".
But I don't think most people think that way. And the other connotation of Mrs – that it means you're married –just means that the world and their dog get to know, simply from a form you've filled in or whatever, what your marital status is, in a way that men are exempt from.

In that context it is by definition sexist, and Ms the only neutral option. (well apart from Mx, or Wing Commander, or whatever, but you take my point).

Btw @florascotia2 I bloody love this passage from the link you posted:

"Mrs was the exact equivalent of Mr. Either term described a person who governed servants or apprentices, in Johnson's terms – we might say a person with capital. Once we adopt Johnson's understanding of the term (which was how it was used in the 18th century), it becomes clear that ‘Mrs’ was more likely to indicate a businesswoman than a married woman."

More reason for me to love Mrs!

They should simply ask what your preferred title is and wait to hear if it's Rev/ Dr/ Prof/ Mr/ Ms/ Mrs/ Ms etc
That this should still need to be spelled out in 2020 is rather depressing. I do remember a schoolfriend's mother telling me very vehemently that only lesbians used 'Ms' and it was special code for coming out.
Who knew?

To me, Mrs / Miss seems rather old fashioned

My married surname is better than my maiden name, but with hindsight, I sometimes regret changing my surname on marriage

@LiJo2015

I like being a Mrs. I'm proud of being married.

Why? The majority of people get married at some stage, and nearly half of them divorce, so it's hardly some rare achievement.

Is your husband also proud of being married? If so, what title does he use to advertise his status to the world?

@akerman

They should simply ask what your preferred title is and wait to hear if it's Rev/ Dr/ Prof/ Mr/ Ms/ Mrs/ Ms etc That this should still need to be spelled out in 2020 is rather depressing. I do remember a schoolfriend's mother telling me very vehemently that only lesbians used 'Ms' and it was special code for coming out. Who knew?

Or no title?

Why do I need a title?

I would question why we need to use any title at all? An archaic tradition.
(Hence my ironic user name)

Sorry, I was agreeing with @WillSantaBeComingToTown

I agree with you. Pisses me off too

I would find it more acceptable if the question was "what title do you use?" rather than "Is it Mrs or Miss?"

I have always hated Ms both before I was married and afterwards. I really don't see the problem with Miss or Mrs. It's not something I could get worked up about!

Melisande That's good to hear. I entirely agree that it would be good for all (say) post 20-something women to be named as mrs (= respectful) or ms if they prefer. But - together perhaps - how can we encourage women (and men) to read authoritative and well-reasearched articles such as Erickson's? Perhaps I'm being too gloomy, but the majority of posters here seem simply ignore references like that, which are so full of information that is really relevant to today.

Sorry, I see @akerman already said this!

Sorry -my previous post was probably unfair to some Mumsnetters. But this is not the first time that I've posted that link and/or similar historical information, and yet the same old chestnuts keep reappearing.

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

I don’t mind what other people prefer (as long as it’s sensible). I’ve been a Ms since I have needed to state a preference. Not helped by the fact I use my maiden name.

That's me as well. Didn't bother changing my name after marriagedespite what my Screen name suggests It doesn't annoy me too much when people assume I'm Mrs DHslastname. And it really makes me laugh when DH is called Mr Mylastname ;) But not enough to get worked up over.

I do remember encountering a snitty receptionist when we were registering at the GP for the first time after moving to the UK from abroad. I filled out my form as Ms Mylastname and said receptionist sneered "Mizz?!!? We don't DO that here...!"

Agree it’s outdated