Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

I hate it too. So outdated and of no relevance. I go by Katypyee and hate being forced into a box on forms. I agree with you completely.

Refreshingly, recently I was asked for my surname and firstname, and then instead of the awful "Miss Mrs or Ms" they asked me "And what title should we use?" which very successfully didn't get my back up.

I have hated the "Miss Mrs or Ms" question for decades and am very pleased to be able to reply "it's Dr"

@MrsOverall70

You're being ridiculous. Some companies like mine offer compensation, you ccsnt send some2a cheque or bill without the full name can you. Also its nice to ask for the full name as not everyone likes being addressed by their first name..

Ha ha, what total bollocks.

I can pay a cheque into my account whether it is made out to Ms B Seville, Miss. B Seville, Mrs Seville or Barbara Seville, it really doesn't matter as long as the last name and initial or first name are correct.

Being the Rev’d Dr maiden name confuses people!

Ms conjures up an image of someone that isn't me; I think its grim. I am married. I want to be Mrs. I don't want someone else telling me what I ought to be addressed by. That doesn't make me 'defined by marriage'.

Its really not difficult to ask people how they prefer to be addressed.

They really do need to get rid of these different titles for women depending on marital status. And there’s no good saying “just tell them it’s Ms” - it’s no good unless everyone is the same.

Ideally one title for all men and women, or no titles at all, would be best.

At a previous job, the system needed a title to proceed, I ended up putting every woman down as ‘Ms’ I then got a telling off for it as some people had complained they were a ‘Mrs’ not a ‘ms’ so had to go back to it, I find it sexist too and cringed asking it.

I quite like Mrs Mysurname (which is my maiden name - I’m divorced now but never did change it).

It’s like I’m married to myself! Sort of like “self partnered” rather than single 😂

I think it should be Ms in all cases, why bother with Miss and Mrs? It's totally outdated.

I can’t stand it when other women think we should all be addressed as Ms. It’s a ridiculous sounding blotch of letters and I hate being called it' it is not my title. Yet somehow people think they’re being politically correct and doing the right thing by using it. I’d much rather be asked Miss or Mrs than be smugly addressed incorrectly.

@catspyjamas123

I’ve botched the voting option.

Men don’t only have one possible title. They could be Sir or Dr or Professor or Rear Admiral. Strangely nobody asks me ever if I am any of those as a female - which I could be except for Sir. The whole business of women being addressed according to marital status is hideously outdated. I thought the same when married - I always kept my maiden name.

They do on lots of sites

I usually go for Monseigneur if the full choice is there and Reverend if more limited.

I never use Ms, Mrs or Miss (or any title) unless it is not optional. I always introduce myself as

Rudolph WillSantaBeComingToTown

But why do people not like Ms?

Because then perfect strangers won't know they've achieved the prize of a husband.
Or worse - they'll be presumed a divorcée

@Oblomov20

I get hacked off when referred to as miss. I'm mrs, married and proud to be married, I don't like being referred to as miss.

It's actually awful that men don't have a way to show they are proud to be married.

No way to distinguishing themselves from the unmarried.

It should be Ms for women

I hate it. I've been a Miss since birth and have no desire to change it.

Also many same sex couples use mrs and mrs so its actually outdated to think that being mrs means you are married and owned by a man

@MiniMum97

YABU. Companies generally ask for this do they know how to address you on letters. I ask for this info at work as part of my job although I always give Ms as an option as well as Miss and Mrs.

I like being called Mrs and prefer it to Ms so don't want that option to be removed thanks very much.

Fine if you have the option of. no title I find those that ask rarely have that as an option

"I wish it was common here to be known as Husband Hisname and Wife MaidenName HisName, that would be fine with me, but as it's unusual here people would get both our names wrong all the time."

That would work for one generation but then your daughter would become on marraige: mumsmaidenName dadsName HusbandsName

And then think of your grandaughters!! There won't be enough space on the envelope to fit all the names on.

I love being Mrs this time around.

I hate the sound of Ms and wouldn’t want to be addressed by it.

melisande and others

1. (as a previous poster has said) Miss, Mrs and Ms are ALL abbreviations of the same word

1. Mrs has for several centuries been used as a title of respect, for a 'senior' woman, regardless of marital status

1. Miss to mean young unmarried woman is a more recent (ie mid 18th cent) usage. I think I remember correctly that in Pride and Prejudice that Lizzy is accused by Mr Bennet of being 'Missish' - ie of behaving like a silly young girl.

In other words, we are NOT being traditional in making the Miss/Mrs distinction based on marital status. Rather, this is a refelction of later 19th/early 20th cent social insecurities.

1. Ms has a surpringly long history, to the mid 19th cent, at least.

You don't have to believe me www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-the-shifting-history-of-titles

1. As another previous poster has said, in Scotland (and maybe elsewhere) 'the use as Mistress' = senior woman or even just as a polite form of words for any older woman continued well into the 20th cent

1. For decades, also as others have said, in France, Madame has been the only polite way of addressing a woman past her teens.

For those who don’t think married women are treated as the chattels of men, just wait until you try to get divorced. I had to pay a lot to get rid of my ball and chain. I am Ms! I’ve paid for this title.

Poster who think titles are redundant don’t work in schools! I am addressed by my title all day every day, but secondary school kids are lazy and mush any female title into Miss.

Please don’t get me started on the inequality of Miss vs Sir, however.

Clearly some people dislike 'Ms', but the reason given is usually 'I am married'.

I'm married too. But I'm not Mrs Van Arkle Stinks - that would be my dear old Ma, nor am I Mrs Hisname: she is my MiL. I still use MY own family name. I'm Mrs no one, and never have been. This doesn't make me any the less married.

OK so 'Dr' is an easy get-out clause - androgynous to boot - but really shouldn't be restricted to those of us with a medical degree or PhD.
The other option is defaulting to 'Mrs' in the way 'Madame', 'Fraulein' etc are used for all adult women on the continent. I'd have no problem with this in these circumstances but certainly not as long as it's routinely seen as an indication of sexual status, which I reject.

It's the differentiation which seems to tiss people off. Rightly too, I'd say.