Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

Do we get the impression Mrs H Crumble does not have to trouble herself with the workplace?

Are you still digging?

your original point is that you don't want to be judged or have the intrusion of someone knowing whether you are married or not (even though you could simply use a title which doesn't share that info) and yet you are the judgiest, nastiest person on this thread. You are extremely rude and if people are actually asking you if you are married I can only now imagine its because they can't believe anyone such as you could find someone to marry her.

You have to love how it always have to escalate, from a dislike of titles to very angry and nasty posts against married women, and now SAH women 😂

says it all really!

OP's chip on her shoulder has a chip on it's shoulder. She's bitter about her own marriage and taking it out on the titles. It's ironic she's so upset about womens titles "revealing their marital status" because in reality, they so often don't.
My mother was divorced for 30 years. she was always Mrs X. She didn't reveal her marital status with her title. I've been married for many years and I'm not a Mrs, I don't reveal my marital status with my title. Few women I know actually conform to the rigidness of the titles OP seems to think are so important.

OP hates marriage because her's was bad. It's personal, not political.

@catspyjamas123

It’s not customer relations when you begin a business conversation by asking if someone is the chattel of a man or not. It’s insulting.

Oh, stop being so ridiculous! All the horrendous things going on in the world and you are stating such a stupid thing!

Today 12:59FudgeDrudge

OP's chip on her shoulder has a chip on it's shoulder.
OP hates marriage because her's was bad. It's personal, not political.

So damn true....

As far as I can see the abuse seems to be coming from the “proud to be Mrs brigade”. Got chips on your shoulders, ladies?

You can't see very far then, can you? Like, say, in a mirror.....

@FudgeDrudge
You are extremely rude and if people are actually asking you if you are married I can only now imagine its because they can't believe anyone such as you could find someone to marry her.

You don’t think that is an abusive statement? I wouldn’t choose to be married anyway so I can be as ugly and horrible as I like!

Yes, but deserved. You can't have a problem with it, after you said worse to others, can you?

If it's not relevant to the call, then I agree.

@FudgeDrudge

Yes, but deserved. You can't have a problem with it, after you said worse to others, can you?

Your suggestion that women are unmarried because they can't find anyone to marry them is not very nice to all unmarried women. Has it occurred to you that not everyone aspires to be married?

I work and ask ppl this routinely. Why would I write miss xxx if it is mrs. I had a lady last week that doesnt like ms she likes mx so ye I wanna make sure I address the letter to the gp correctly

What I said and I’m happy to repeat is that if a title gives an employer the impression a particular employee does not need as much income as another because maybe they are being subsidised by a marital partner, then the employer will take advantage of that. This creates a real gender pay gap. Titles are unhelpful.

At the higher levels of management executives tend to be male and can easily fall into this way of thinking when they see the title Mrs.

Christmasfairy2020 - do you ask men what their title is?

anyone such as you could find someone to marry her

It is 2020 right? Just checking .....

(for the record I am unmarried by choice, been with my male partner for 25 years, don't use any titles unless I have to)

Your suggestion that women are unmarried because they can't find anyone to marry them is not very nice to all unmarried women.

Au contraire. I just find it rather pathetic. As if the entire measure of a woman's worth to society is her ability to snag a man.

We were together for 10 years before marriage and it amuses me no end when people have assumed I spent that decade 'waiting for a ring' (he, of course, didn't). Who ARE these dinosaurs? (Apologies to any progressive dinosaurs). I was far too busy working toward a PhD and setting up a career as an academic, plus caring for my dying mother and afterwards trying to come to terms with her death. I can safely say marriage was the least of my priorities. When we eventually did [elope], I was financially independent and therefore in no need of legal protection. It was DH who wanted 'the ring and the piece of paper'; I didn't mind either way.

'There's something wrong with Woman if Woman can't find a man willing to marry her? Good Lord. Just as likely Woman didn't want to marry Man and was quite happy cohabiting or single.

They'll be trawling out the spinsters, Old Maids and superfluous women next. Get thee to a nunnery or the nearest asylum -- or failing that perhaps Pendle Hill?

@catspyjamas123

What I said and I’m happy to repeat is that if a title gives an employer the impression a particular employee does not need as much income as another because maybe they are being subsidised by a marital partner, then the employer will take advantage of that. This creates a real gender pay gap. Titles are unhelpful.

At the higher levels of management executives tend to be male and can easily fall into this way of thinking when they see the title Mrs.

Salaries aren’t based on need, this not being a communist country. Are you seriously suggesting employers have a policy of paying single women more? Because if so, you’re completely deluded.

@Christmasfairy2020

I work and ask ppl this routinely. Why would I write miss xxx if it is mrs. I had a lady last week that doesnt like ms she likes mx so ye I wanna make sure I address the letter to the gp correctly

Why should you write Miss or Mrs or any title if the woman doesn't want one? What purpose does it serve?

Your suggestion that women are unmarried because they can't find anyone to marry them is not very nice to all unmarried women. Has it occurred to you that not everyone aspires to be married?

Women are supposed to aspire to be married though. There are women who plan their weddings long before they find their husband to be, and young girls practicing writing Mrs. X...

Weddings wouldn’t be such a huge industry if women weren’t driving it. “Special day”, “once in a lifetime” etc, it’s made to be some huge event centres on how special the bride is for getting married.

Men, on the other hand, are expected to avoid it for as long as possible, in the end having to choose between splitting, or marriage, giving in with a wry shrug.

Lets face it, getting married is a big thing for women, and you’re seen as “less than” if you don’t, whether it’s a choice or not.

Mrs still does confer a social status, which is why women choose it and are “proud” to use it.

Salaries aren’t based on need, this not being a communist country. Are you seriously suggesting employers have a policy of paying single women more? Because if so, you’re completely deluded.

Do you seriously believe that there are no employers that are influenced by whether or not women are married when it comes to giving them promotions or pay rises. They are obviously not going to have a written policy but that doesn't mean they won't be biased.

@catspyjamas123

What I said and I’m happy to repeat is that if a title gives an employer the impression a particular employee does not need as much income as another because maybe they are being subsidised by a marital partner, then the employer will take advantage of that. This creates a real gender pay gap. Titles are unhelpful.

At the higher levels of management executives tend to be male and can easily fall into this way of thinking when they see the title Mrs.

There’s nothing on my CV which shows title or married / non married. It’s not obligatory.

This thread is bonkers!!!

Asking your title isn't asking your marital status it's verifying whether you prefer to be referred to as Miss, Mrs, Ms, Dr, Prof, Dame?? In the same way a man would be asked whether his preferred title is Mr, Master, Dr, Prof, Sir?? How is that in any way shape or form offensive or intrusive??

Yes, I've been asked for marital status (ie marred, single, co-habiting, divorced) but not in the context of determining my title

FrangipaniBlue the difference is that the titles for men do not disclose marital status, where Mrs/Miss for women do.
Also as an aside, Master, which I suppose is the closest in male terms to a title that connotes marital status (or in any case age) is very very rarely used these days.

@Belladonna12

Salaries aren’t based on need, this not being a communist country. Are you seriously suggesting employers have a policy of paying single women more? Because if so, you’re completely deluded.

Do you seriously believe that there are no employers that are influenced by whether or not women are married when it comes to giving them promotions or pay rises. They are obviously not going to have a written policy but that doesn't mean they won't be biased.

Yes, I do seriously believe marital status has no bearing on promotions or pay rises, based on a 45 year professional career. I’m perfectly willing to believe women with small children get passed over, which in the latter part of my working life worked to my advantage, despite being ringed like a pigeon.

What a dumb thread. OP you clearly have had a very negative personal experience of marriage but you're honestly reading far too much into the title thing. Find something else to get so passionate about. There are so many more worthier causes.