Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

I'm a Ms. I've always been a Ms, even when I was married. But now I'm divorced I get people who think it's some sort of red mark of being divorced. Idiots.

@VinylDetective

If you use Ms people assume you are divorced or not married

And in my case and millions of others, they’d be wrong. Just as they’d be wrong with their assumptions about the thousands of divorced and widowed women who use Mrs.

They would be wrong in my case too but that doesn't get away from the fact that the assumption will still be made and it is irritating and totally unnecessary. Men aren't expected to have titles depending on whether or not they are married and there is no reason why women should be expected to.

@FudgeDrudge

If you use Ms people assume you are divorced or not married

Then they are idiots. Focus your ire on them instead.

I focus on the whole ridiculous system. Why do we still have it and why are so many women blindly following it?

I’m going to start using Mr. Just to see what happens.

In fact perhaps we should dump the whole mrs/miss/ms thing and start using Mr for everyone.

Or alternatively if it’s so great to have a choice, maybe we should dump Mr and start calling married men miss/Mrs.

For some reason I cannot see men appreciating being given the choice of titles. 🤔.

Some prefer Ms, some prefer Miss or Mrs, seriously just let people know which you go by and don,t force it on any one else.

@june2007

Some prefer Ms, some prefer Miss or Mrs, seriously just let people know which you go by and don,t force it on any one else.

It’s forced on men, though. Why should they be deprived of this choice?

It’s forced on men, though. Why should they be deprived of this choice?

I find the protestation that feminism is always about choice quite weak. It was never about choice, unless women had been deprived of those choices available to men and not us through masculine privilege. Feminism is about equality of opportunity - the same opportunities that have always been available to men - and like men, it's a matter of individual choice as to whether we take them or not. It's about not being discriminated against, beaten, murdered, paid less, (insert ad nauseum the myriad ways women are generally disadvantaged), not about a choice of whether or not we embrace a position of disadvantage.

As the PP above comments, if 'choice' of title were so desirable and advantageous you can bet your boots men would have been clamouring for it as well. No man has ever been defined in direct accordance with his marital relationship.

Here's a goodie. Until recently if not still, if I carked it my occupation would have been listed on my death certificate as Wife of David van Arkle, Olympic Swimmer. Not Mariel van Arkle, Wedding Dress Expert.

It sticks in the craw. Of course, I'd be a gonner so not exactly in a position to mind, but you get my drift ...

Just been reading a book about 1660s England and apparently in those days, "Miss" was used for concubines - whereas "Mrs" was used as a respectable term for adult women, married or unmarried.
Things do change :)

I'm divorced and use Ms - also did when I was married. Since the divorce I have come to terms with the fact that other people might think all sorts of incorrect or nasty things about me, without my being able to do anything about it except for simply not caring what they think.

@june2007

Some prefer Ms, some prefer Miss or Mrs, seriously just let people know which you go by and don,t force it on any one else.

I prefer nothing but I am forced to choose. Men aren't.

I find the protestation that feminism is always about choice quite weak. It was never about choice, unless women had been deprived of those choices available to men and not us through masculine privilege. Feminism is about equality of opportunity - the same opportunities that have always been available to men - and like men, it's a matter of individual choice as to whether we take them or not. It's about not being discriminated against, beaten, murdered, paid less, (insert ad nauseum the myriad ways women are generally disadvantaged), not about a choice of whether or not we embrace a position of disadvantage.

I agree. I'm not sure where people get the idea that feminism is about choice and therefore you call yourself a feminist while supporting a patriarchal system. It's about equality and with regard to titles, there is no equality at the moment. Anyone who supports the status quo, does not support equality and is not a feminist.

Just answer that you prefer to be addressed as Ms.

@lightyearsahead

Just answer that you prefer to be addressed as Ms.

I don't prefer to be addressed as Ms though. There is no title that I prefer because every title that women can choose has connotations. Only men are allowed to have a title with no connotations and that is not right.

Would be great imho if they simply got rid of two options and only one was left. I would imagine that actually, of the three, "Mrs" would be the one that was best accepted. If you tried to get rid of Mrs or Miss and replace them with Ms there would be too many women who would complain about it.

Other than the satisfaction of completing it, this is the only tangible benefit of doing my PhD. I can now put Dr if a drop down menu forces a choice or a company asks.
But it is absolutely nobody's business whether I am married or not!, or indeed whether I am a Dr, unless a job requires that, in which case they could check my CV.
It really annoys me!

@Belladonna12

I find the protestation that feminism is always about choice quite weak. It was never about choice, unless women had been deprived of those choices available to men and not us through masculine privilege. Feminism is about equality of opportunity - the same opportunities that have always been available to men - and like men, it's a matter of individual choice as to whether we take them or not. It's about not being discriminated against, beaten, murdered, paid less, (insert ad nauseum the myriad ways women are generally disadvantaged), not about a choice of whether or not we embrace a position of disadvantage.

I agree. I'm not sure where people get the idea that feminism is about choice and therefore you call yourself a feminist while supporting a patriarchal system. It's about equality and with regard to titles, there is no equality at the moment. Anyone who supports the status quo, does not support equality and is not a feminist.

of course it's about CHOICE!

You don't have opportunities if you don't have choices. You cannot seriously complain about a patriarchal system picturing women as inferior or victims and then call for another "feminist" system dictating what women must do or chose.

After reading posters calling themselves "feminists" and insulting SAHM by calling them "prostitutes", I take the term "feminist" with a massive pinch of salt.

Women need to stand up for themselves (because in this country they can) against inequality, patriarchy and hysterical feminists who think they have the right to tell them what to do.

When I took my first tentative steps towards feminism c1967, it was ALL about choice.

Second wave feminists were furious about lack of choice. There was no maternity leave or pay and vanishing little childcare, so there was little choice about continuing to work when babies were born. Women couldn’t get mortgages or finance deals in their own name.

Society limited our choices in every direction and we fought to give our sisters choice. As one of those women I’ll continue to fight to my dying breath for women to have choice and I won’t be closed down by women whose brand of feminism seeks to be as repressive as the patriarchy it despises.

"Hysterical" is an unusual word to use in that context.

@ravenmum

"Hysterical" is an unusual word to use in that context.

I know. Works beautifully in this case I thought.

Certainly makes me think about who's posting on this thread and why.

Personally I'm off.

There will be someone along in a minute to accuse you of “internalised misogyny” @PeggyPorschen! 😉

When I took my first tentative steps towards feminism c1967, it was ALL about choice.

It was about having the same choices as men and being equal to men.

@Belladonna12

When I took my first tentative steps towards feminism c1967, it was ALL about choice.

It was about having the same choices as men and being equal to men.

No it wasn’t because we knew biology makes that impossible. It was about having the same opportunities as men which is an entirely different thing. It certainly wasn’t about deriding other women for their choices, it was about supporting them in whatever choice was right for them.

Nobody here has called an SAHM a prostitute except for you @PeggyPorschen. Nor has anyone else used the word hysterical which is a hugely sexist term. You aren’t doing yourself any favours.