Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

You need to write to Jane Smith, so you address your letter 'Dear Jane' it's what we do and no-one has ever complained to my knowledge.

I confess that I don’t really like people presuming that they address me by my first name if they don’t know me. There was one teacher at my DDs’ school who used to address my DH and me by our first names whilst referring to herself as Mrs (surname). That was really annoying, though I didn’t complain as it would have felt petty.

I suspect it’s a generational thing. When I was growing up, it really was frowned upon to use first names unless the person you were talking to was on ‘first name terms’.

But maybe it is time to drop titles, they’re not necessary. Or to replace Miss/Ms/Mrs with just one of these terms. I remember that when I was working as a legal secretary it was a real headache when new clients didn’t provide a title, as I had no idea how to address the letter to them. I used Ms and thankfully no one complained.

Titles are nearly always compulsory fields when there is no need. Makes me think that maybe it does matter which I use, and the company profiles me on whether I’m married, single, a militant feminist boot, or a man.

My car insurance on the list of options for titles has Dr (male) or Dr (female).

Nobody should be defined by their marital status.

If I’m asked to give my title I say Ms.
I’m neither a Miss or a Mrs so I choose Ms.
I don’t care how anyone interprets that.
I don’t feel defined by it and not sure why it is such a big deal to you OP.

I am a Ms and when I marry my fiance i will still be a Ms. I will take his sir name though as it's french and sounds a lot more classy than mine!

CountFosco thats strange, but sex has quite a signifcant impact on driving behaviour. I use Dr (very obviously female) first name, madien surname for all professional and finaicial matters, Mrs married surname for school/ house stuff. Health appointments are where it falls apart.

Proper chuckling at all Ms(es? What’s the plural?) being older, sour, uptight, militant, loveless feminist boots, as if being feminist is something shameful I’m not older either, although working on it slowly

Here’s an idea - for those of us who do feel that Miss/Mrs is outdated and would love to join the Italians and Danes in titles being fairly irrelevant: do you still select ‘Miss’ for your female children? I don’t have one so can’t do this - but how about registering our daughters as ‘Ms’ everywhere right from the start. That could be a thing.

I always say that I prefer no title, which I do. If they insist then I give my title as Dr, then they immediately apologise as if they should have somehow guessed on the end of the phone what my educational background was.

@hopefulhalf

CountFosco thats strange, but sex has quite a signifcant impact on driving behaviour. I use Dr (very obviously female) first name, madien surname for all professional and finaicial matters, Mrs married surname for school/ house stuff. Health appointments are where it falls apart.

But they're not allowed to price for sex anymore so seems pointless doing that.

I've also seen it when booking flights on small planes when weight and balance is very important for safety and fuel consumption as they use different average weights for men and women (note that these are population averages before the 'well I weigh more than my DH people' comment).

If the people who are on the flight don't match the average, in that they're visually bigger or smaller than expected, they ask people to move around.

It makes my blood boil. I've moved to Mx deliberately to provoke conversation about this issue after applying for DBS and discovering that if I used the title MS, the computer form would not let me progress without putting in a change of name. Ie it was built with the assumption that only divorced women use MS as their title. I hadn't got a previous name so I had the choice of Miss, (I'm not a child and I have been married but never changed my name and never used Mrs) or Ms and having to enter my name, the same name as my "previous name".

Grrr. So I am now Mx to be provocative and start conversations about this stupid, antiquated way of describing women's marital status.

@BoofyBoo

The Fraulein, Senorita, Mademoiselle etc are only used for women up to a certain age so it’s age related. Past a certain age it’s Madame etc whatever your marital status. I didn’t used to care and used to think Ms was ridiculous but I now realise it’s none of anyone’s business whether I’m married or not (I am as it happens) and use Ms. Used it before marriage and use it after. If men don’t have to give away their marital status why should we? And more importantly why should our marital status matter?

I think it’s so interesting that you used to think it was ridiculous and now use it! It’s fascinating how our perception of things change.

I’ve always been (an aggressive, bitter oul) Ms, but I now think that I’d prefer the French way where we all became Mrs on adulthood. How on earth would this be approached - how did France, Germany and Spain get everyone to agree on this?!

Also, it depends on where you are. My American in laws are very traditional, but they wouldn’t bat an eye at Ms, as it’s normal there. I worked and married in london in an industry where rightly or wrongly I would have been probably slightly looked down on for changing my name and using Mrs.

Now I have moved to a place in the U.K. where I am literally the only woman I know who kept her name and the only one of few who uses Ms.

how did France, Germany and Spain get everyone to agree on this

I know right. Married women in those countries don't get to show off their achievement of getting a man to marry them that they're so proud of and the term has been devalued because even women who are unmarried and/or gay are allowed to call themselves Mrs. It's almost like they're treated the same as men.

@BarbaraofSeville

how did France, Germany and Spain get everyone to agree on this

I know right. Married women in those countries don't get to show off their achievement of getting a man to marry them that they're so proud of and the term has been devalued because even women who are unmarried and/or gay are allowed to call themselves Mrs. It's almost like they're treated the same as men.

But seriously, there would be outrage here!

The other option is to amend men to remain as Master until marriage rather than when they reach adulthood. But they would need a male verson of Ms

I despise 'Ms', actually. I don't want that to be be the only option for an unmarried woman. I'm fine with 'Miss', thanks.

I'd be happy with Mrs if it was used for all adult women not just the married ones. It's the distinction between married/unmarried and the questioning which is so bothersome, not the title itself.

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe

I despise 'Ms', actually. I don't want that to be be the only option for an unmarried woman. I'm fine with 'Miss', thanks.

I was fine with it in my youth but with children it didnt sit right. Now at 50 it doesnt feel right either.

If only people would just accept Ms for everybody the issue would disappear

Ms forever.

I would think less of a job applicant who used anything else. 'I'd like to apply for this job and by the way, I have/don't have a man' is just weird. Like you're walking around with a reserved/vacancy sign on your head!

Let's hope Mrs and Miss die out in the next decade or two. I'd be happy to do without titles all together.

I really hope so!

I despise 'Ms', actually. I don't want that to be be the only option for an unmarried woman. I'm fine with 'Miss', thanks.

I switch between Ms, Mrs and Miss depending on how I feel at the time. Nobody cares. Call yourself what you like.

@LondonlovesLola

I despise 'Ms', actually. I don't want that to be be the only option for an unmarried woman. I'm fine with 'Miss', thanks.

I switch between Ms, Mrs and Miss depending on how I feel at the time. Nobody cares. Call yourself what you like.

Me too. I’d also like an option to not have any title.

I’m not blaming the customer relations staff. I am blaming the software or executive who created this question

I get pissed off when 'Mr' is listed first, even the forms with options like 'Lady' or 'Colonel' why is the first option 'Mr'.

People do care. The fact that there are 3 titles forces the rest of us to have to make a choice that SAYS something about us. We want an option that genuinely says nothing (like Mr)

Past what age would you never call a boy Master?
It should be equally as ridiculous to call a woman Miss.

As a childless, never-married Ms, I hate it too but I understand that while a good number of women choose to never work or give up work and have children, depending entirely on their partner or the state for income, then companies will want to use any means necessary to determine financial risk when dealing with them. So I’ve been told.

I also think it’s linked to attractiveness. I’ve heard snide comments aimed at people using Ms, such as, “oh, not attractive enough to be married then.” “Oh, I thought you’d be married.” When I asked why, they said, “ well, you look really nice.” Implication being only someone who didnt look nice would be unmarried.

I’m married but use Ms and my maiden name. Never understood why a woman should still be defined by her marital status in the 21st century.