Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

A lot of this rubbish is these days related to data management, and advertising.
You as an individual are absolutely inconsequential.
Nobody cares if “he put a ring on it” or not. However - information relative to projected consumption is precious and that little Ms/Miss/Mrs box is very informative indeed.

no idea who provides my electricity my husband does that stuff

What’s wrong with that? It’s usually someone complaining it’s wife work and moaning about the mental load.

When I am asked, knowing they just need to fill in a form I do say that I'd rather not have any title but as I know I have to give one I say Ms.

It gives them the info they need and I've said my bit.

If I had any influence over these things I'd try and change it.

I work in academia, where people are mostly just their name or Dr.
If I am writing an email where I would use he or she but am not sure whether they are male or female from their name I just use their name.

Ms is most often associated with women who are divorced

I think this depends on your age - amongst my female uni friends (now early-mid 30s), we're almost all professionals and high-earners, and all bar one of our group of 8 use Ms. The only one who uses Mrs is a SAHM.

I hate it! Why do I have to qualify through marriage to be a Mrs when a man just had to turn 16 to be Mr. Another example of the underlying sexism in this country.

Also men where traditionally Master before 16 for anyone saying "men have one title" but it's slowly been dropped only within last 30 years or so.

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou

European mumsnetters, is it even possible or socially desirable to change names on marriage where you are?

I spend a lot of time in France. My French married friends all use the husbands surname.

Yes, me too, but that’s just nom d’usage I believe? Legally (for forms and big life admin) they must I think retain their birth names.

www.completefrance.com/living-in-france/utilities-services/your-name-must-be-correct-on-paperwork-in-france-1-6203883

So in effect they have a two tier name system going on... can’t figure out if that’s better or worse.

YANBU but I hate it if people just assume I'm a Ms. I loathe it and always demand it is changed to Miss. Similarly my mother is a Mrs and expects to be addressed as such. I don't care if people know I'm unmarried.

I'm 30, the majority of my friends go by Miss or Mrs and I'm afraid I do associate Ms with usually older, sour, uptight, militant, loveless feminist boots. Or embarrassed divorcees. Sorry.

No, they are asking how you wish to be addressed!

Why not ask that then? It’s as simple as “what’s your preferred title?”

Why assume everyone is Miss or Mrs.

@MrsToothyBitch

YANBU but I hate it if people just assume I'm a Ms. I loathe it and always demand it is changed to Miss. Similarly my mother is a Mrs and expects to be addressed as such. I don't care if people know I'm unmarried.

I'm 30, the majority of my friends go by Miss or Mrs and I'm afraid I do associate Ms with usually older, sour, uptight, militant, loveless feminist boots. Or embarrassed divorcees. Sorry.

What's a 'feminist boot'?

@MrsToothyBitch

YANBU but I hate it if people just assume I'm a Ms. I loathe it and always demand it is changed to Miss. Similarly my mother is a Mrs and expects to be addressed as such. I don't care if people know I'm unmarried.

I'm 30, the majority of my friends go by Miss or Mrs and I'm afraid I do associate Ms with usually older, sour, uptight, militant, loveless feminist boots. Or embarrassed divorcees. Sorry.

God ME TOO, they’re just so sour and bitter with their crazy desire for equality and all that crap we should just burn them all on a pyre.

Even sadder though than all those wizened up rights-wanting clearly lezzer old boots is the fact that I just looked up a broadsheet as i think a lot of them have defaulted to ‘Ms’ where it isn’t absolutely known, but I had to flick through thirteen headline news articles before a woman was even mentioned! Her name was Professor Moore, she’s doing great work with mRNA.

I rather like Mx. Only problem is I've yet to see a man use it.

What's a 'feminist boot'?

You need to read some Jilly Cooper

Ms is the default in my social circle. All educated professionals 30 - 50 age range. Some very high fliers. Its the norm for successful, professional women. Mrs and Miss is virtually unheard of and viewed as old fashioned. Definitely dying out but the very few I know are SAHM and pressured into it as dependant on their husbands. Its sad really.

I’m in my 50s, and virtually all the women I know my age use Ms. Most of us are married. None of us is divorced. Which age group do people who think Ms = divorced belong to? Or is it nothing to do with age? Is it education? My own daughters in their 20s use Ms.

It won't go away until women stop being proud of taking a man's name and becoming "Mrs" and unfortunately, there are still a LOT of women who can't wait for that to happen,

Ms is used by all my university friends, we are mid 30s. I’m the only SAHM amongst them, & I always make a point of saying ‘Ms’ when I’m asked ‘Miss or Mrs’ because I bloody hate the sexism.

I fucking hate it. I also hate it when I say Im Ms and then they send me a bank card with Mrs on; or get a plaque made for my door at school with Mrs on when I've told them I'm Ms.

My marital status is pretty much nobody's business.
I've never considered Ms to be associated with divorcees. The comment about sour militant feminists is just spiteful and bitchy. I guess the name is appropriate.

A woman’s title shouldn’t be defined by her marital status. End of. It’s archaic.

It's pointless and unnecessary to have a selection of titles for women, when there is one option for men. The sooner we move to one title the better all round. I find it interesting that nearly all the people commenting here who say they are 'proud' or 'happy' with their title are a Mrs. Be proud of who you are as a person not the fact you managed to marry someone.

. I saw someone say they were planning to call themselves Rev, is this legal? I would also be happy to go with that for a bit of fun.

You can call yourself what you want, as long as you're not seeking to deceive. I often use Wing Commander myself if Ms isnt an option. It's less fun now I'm older - now it is probably plausible if very very improbable, but it was great when I was in my 20s.

YANBU

It wasn't my main reason for getting a PhD but it is a very pleasant side benefit. My preference would be to go by firstname lastname, but if people insist on asking 'Miss, Mrs or Ms?' then I will insist on being called Dr.