Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

I don’t actually care if it’s Mrs, Miss or Ms, as long as it is standardised and everyone has the same one all their lives.

@timeforanewstart

Why does mrs mean you are dependent on the bloke you married thats just you thinking in an old fashioned way It really doesn't matter put what you like on a form there is a lot more important things in the works that need changing rather than miss/ ms / mrs

Because that's literally the point of the title.

The title Mrs is used to denote your marital status and signal to wider society that you're unavailable to men.

It's antiquated and has no place in modern society

YANBU. I’m Ms, and married. I didn’t change my name.

Why we have to have Mrs and Miss when men just have Mr escapes me. Bloody patriarchy.

Gives me the rage too OP. I have hated it as a single woman, married woman, and now as a very happily separated ( divorced soon, I hope!) woman. It’s a reflection of the difference between men and women. Simple as that.

I have considered going back to do a PhD just so I can use Dr.

Seriously??? This is what people get bothered about? If you get married, chances are you WANTED TO, so why does it matter if people know?

@Belladonna12

It is very relevant. It is about choice. What is feminism if not the ability to choose what suits you as a woman? I don't view it the way you do. Is that acceptable?

No feminism isn't about the ability to choose what suits you as a woman especially if what you choose undermines equality of the sexes.

Ah, ok, so I am simply wrong and you are right?

It may undermine the equality of the sexes in your opinion, but there are other opinions (some of them stated on this thread) which are just as valid. Mrs is a contraction of Mistress, which has been defined earlier up the thread as

NOUN

1. a woman in a position of authority, ownership, or control, such as the head of a household
2. a woman or female personification having control over something specified

. “Mrs was the exact equivalent of Mr. Either term described a person who governed servants or apprentices, in Johnson’s terms—we might say a person with capital.

newrepublic.com/article/119432/history-female-titles-mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms

That is my take on it, you have yours, each to their own.

Im freshly separated, in the process of divorcing, and yes - I've only just noticed this now. So intrusive ! I'm a mid forties Miss and now so so much more happier than when I was a Mrs

When someone asks me “is it miss or mrs”

The question they’re really asking is “are you married?”

What’s it got to do with anyone whether I’m married or not?

Those that like Mrs so much, why does it matter to you that people know you’re married?

@Mommabear20

Seriously??? This is what people get bothered about? If you get married, chances are you WANTED TO, so why does it matter if people know?

I'm sure most men who get married wanted to do so as well, so why - going by your logic - aren't they asked to declare their marital status even when it's entirely irrelevant?

@Mommabear20

Seriously??? This is what people get bothered about? If you get married, chances are you WANTED TO, so why does it matter if people know?

Yes, people are bothered. It has nothing to do with whether you wanted to be married or not. It’s about women being forced into a position that men aren’t forced into.

I just want the option to leave the title blank. Far too many websites make the title mandatory for no reason whatsoever.

Probably designed by men for whom it isn’t an issue.

No one is forced you can always use Ms if you want to. Likewise you can keep your birth name if you want to.

It’s also the fact that once a company ascertains your marital status they may treat you differently. For example when I was married several car salesmen refused to show me a car if my husband wasn’t present too. Or the bathroom fitter insisted both of us signed off on the project - I wasn’t trusted to do it myself even though I was paying for it all. Now I am divorced I have noticed more respect from sales people and professionals who realise the decision is entirely mine. (It always was).

The best one is having to explain to sales men that yes I'm married but I'm perfectly entitled to continue to use the name that I was born with!

No feminism isn't about the ability to choose what suits you as a woman

That’s exactly what it is otherwise you’re simply replacing one form of repression with another.

@june2007

No one is forced you can always use Ms if you want to. Likewise you can keep your birth name if you want to.

You are forced to make a choice between three alternatives, all of which have judgements made on them. Men don’t have that. I am married. I use my birth name and I’m a Ms. However, the HR department at my workplace were insistent on knowing my other names - they assumed I was divorced (I’m not).

I have a PhD and have now had twenty odd years of mastering the art of the 'Dr, actually' reply. I definitely still get a bit of enjoyment from the look on some people's faces, I confess.

Absolute rubbish whoever said Mrs is a legal title.

Its not and it doesnt appear on a marriage certificate.

Just another desperate attempt to justify unjustifiable misogyny

@catspyjamas123

It’s also the fact that once a company ascertains your marital status they may treat you differently. For example when I was married several car salesmen refused to show me a car if my husband wasn’t present too. Or the bathroom fitter insisted both of us signed off on the project - I wasn’t trusted to do it myself even though I was paying for it all. Now I am divorced I have noticed more respect from sales people and professionals who realise the decision is entirely mine. (It always was).

How do they know you are divorced?

@florascotia2

So let's have a campaign. Let's follow the French and other European nations. Let's have 'Mrs' for all women over approx 20, regardless of marital status. Offends no-one. Is based on centuries old historical practice. Refers to a title of hnour: in the past, 'Mrs' = a woman of adult years worthy of respect. Can anyone really object to that? If so, why? If some people prefer 'Ms'= as a different shortening of the same word, 'Mistress', then why not.

This is actually much the best idea. Mrs could be a neutral title, irrespective of marital status, for all adult women. I might even start using it.

Can we have a MN campaign?

I don't ask anyone what their title is, I simply address correspondence as:
Jane Smith or John Smith, and of. I would be shocked if someone asked if I was Ms, Mrs or Miss. Think I would reply Dr.

Oh and I've thought for years that all adult females should be addressed the same, the way men are.

And this is why I did a doctorate. If someone asks my title I just say 'Dr'.

As well as making it the legal default to keep your birth name?

It is the legal default in this country to keep your birth name. Women have to chose to change their name.

I always chose Lady as a title instead. It solves the problem.

@Venicelover I don’t tell them. If I meet them in person they may notice I don’t wear a wedding ring. Or if it’s on the phone they work it out from other questions - “are you buying this with anyone else”. I’m middle aged and have kids. I could have never married for all they know. It’s simply that I actually seem to get more respect now. So much for Mrs being a title of status!