Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

I don’t need a title. I am happy to be a person with just my name. Don’t understand this need at all.

I want to option to leave blank basically.

[quote melisande99]@AGeeseGoose because some customers will complain if the envelope says "Jane Smith" instead of "Mrs J Smith". Generally older people, but this is the convention they were brought up with and the business does not want to receive complaints. I got a complaint from my own (lovely) great-aunt once for addressing an envelope to her as "Jane Smith"!
You'll find that businesses with an older clientele will definitely ask for titles, whereas a more fashionable, online offering you sign up for might just ask for your first name, as they'll just start their emails "Hi Jane".
It's as prosaic as that.[/quote]
I guess you’re right - though the title field perhaps should be optional rather than compulsory, and everyone can be happy. I have a lovely ex-colleague who is very old fashioned and she sends cards to me with Mrs (DH’s initial) Surname on them - she was an office administrator for her entire career and is very particular about styles of address.

I do make a point of not saying "is it Mrs or Miss?"
Tend to ask for title and if I need to clarify (people don't always understand) I will ask "Mrs, Ms, Dr...?"

I get the feeling the “happy to be Mrs” brigade feel there is something rather special about being married. Yet most people do it. Just such a bog standard accomplishment. I always hated the idea of surrendering my identity.

YANBU. It’s maddening.

I am with the name/surname being all you need for everything, except perhaps for medical matters. The French with madame for all adult women have the best idea.

YABU. I'm Mrs and want to be Mrs. I think Ms is godawful, although I understand why divorcees or older unmarried women might prefer it. However, I don't want to be lumped into one homogenous category of Ms because some women like finding things to get offended about.

Your point as well that men get to be addressed by multiple titles is invalid. My father is a General. He worked bloody hard and is proud of his title. However, 90% of the time he gets called Mr by strangers because that's what the vast majority of men are. It doesn't bother him, he has enough confidence in his own identity that he doesn't need to throw his toys out of the pram when someone gets his name wrong. Are you really so insecure that you feel you are defined by how a stranger addresses you?

I like saying I'm a Mrs 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think titles will vanish soon anyway. There's no need to identify someone as male/female/married/unmarried in most situations. And certainly not in the way there was when the titles were invented, ie when women's lives were vastly altered by their marital status. It's very outdated, and I can't see the kids of today sticking with it.

Companies who feel it's important should get it right more often! The amount of times it's assumed wrongly that a woman is one or the other just proves how irrelevant it is. All it does is serve to piss people off.

It annoys me too, I kept my birth surname when I got married so am not a Miss (as am married) and not a Mrs Birth surname as am married to DH who has his own surname. I also find it really weird that I have to announce my married status to the world in general, it shouldn't be relevant.

@HMSSophie

It makes me fume. Anyone who thinks it's a fuss about nothing pisses me off too. It's not ok to be defined by my relationship to a man, thanks, you can fuck off. It's an outdated indicator of the patriarchy

I think anyone who thinks it is an issue has confidence issues.

I want to be called by my married title, it in no way implies I am a chattel or owned by my husband. In our wedding vows I removed the word obey because I am his equal and would not dream of blithely 'obeying' anyone.

It defines my legal status, nothing more.

@ArtichokeAardvark

Would your father take issue if someone called him 'boy'? You know, in the supermarket, a smaller man saying to him 'Could you get that item from the top shelf for me, boy?'

If so, your argument goes out of the window. People like to be called what they like to be called. Having a preference for something isn't throwing toys out of the pram or being insecure in your identity. Such drama.

Its a pain- I don't see what my marital status has to do with anything. I also use my maiden name but get Mrs Maiden name then which isn't correct either!

Both Mrs and Miss come from Mistress and Miss was only adopted in 18th century apparently and had nothing to do with marital status but tended to be used in the way Master was for a young boy. The Mistress implied a woman was a prostitute. A pity as I quite fancy being Mistress Gouda.

A very interesting article here newrepublic.com/article/119432/history-female-titles-mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms

@Venicelover I think anyone who thinks it is an issue has confidence issues.

Right, so not a legitimate concern at all then? Don’t know why we are bothering our pretty little heads!

When you consider that Mrs derived from Mr’s (as in his possession

That isn’t its derivation. It’s an abbreviation of Mistress, which was used for all adult women, as follows:

The Oxford English Dictionary's earliest citations for mistress are from the fourteenth century when it meant, very broadly, 'a woman having control or authority

I went for a meeting at my son's secondary school and was signing in when the horror of a receptionist snapped at me 'and what am I calling you? Miss or Mrs?' I was so taken aback I said 'don't call me anything, thank you' 😬

I feel embarrassed for spiteful women who are aggressively condescending to other women because they don't approve of the names and/or titles said women choose to use- whilst pretending to be all about women's rights. You only want me to have the right to behave as you approve. I'd like freedom from your bullshit as well as freedom from male bullshit, thanks.

Everyone assumes I’m a Mrs. I’m not, I’m a Miss. Doesn’t bother me at all to say what my status is.

I feel embarrassed for spiteful women who are aggressively condescending

How condescending of you.

Artichoke much respect to your father. I honestly mean that. General (or the female equivalnt in the armed forces) is a most definitely a title worthy of honour.

Your father - like all men known as 'Mr' - does not need to have any concerns about what that title says about him to the outside world. It only signals that he is an adult male member of society. It says nothing about his marital status or his age (except that he's post teenage).

The high title earned by service that he has, in addition to the basic 'Mr', says all that is needed to say about him in the public sphere.

I think that many women engaged in the mrs/miss/ms debate would just LOVE to have the same naming opportunity. Just one simple form of words. A simple 'Mrs' or 'Mrs would signal that they are adult females, members of society. If they have other claims to praise - a doctorate or a damehood, for example - those can easily be added.

Miss and Mrs are so outdated and to be honest a bit offensive in this age of so called equality.

We should follow other countries and just use the one. I was a ms when single, when married, when divorced and will remain a ms when I marry again. I refuse to be defined by my marital status when men aren't.

Sooo much easier.

[quote catspyjamas123]**@Venicelover* I think anyone who thinks it is an issue has confidence issues.*

Right, so not a legitimate concern at all then? Don’t know why we are bothering our pretty little heads![/quote]
Much ado about nothing.

You do seem to have a bee in your bonnet about it though, I can't see why it would bother you if you don't see yourself as a chattel, property etc. etc. People can only make you feel inferior with your consent.

It is a legal title as verified by the marriage certificate you signed.

Poster who think titles are redundant don’t work in schools! I am addressed by my title all day every day, but secondary school kids are lazy and mush any female title into Miss.

My DD1 was told to call her teachers either Miss or Sir when she started secondary (after she was calling them by how they introduced themselves which I think makes more sense) and I'm constantly having to remind her to tell me the name of the teacher she's talking about because I can't mind read when she only uses titles. It's feels weird and old-fashioned to me, but I never went to a school system that used that.

My father is a General. He worked bloody hard and is proud of his title. However, 90% of the time he gets called Mr by strangers because that's what the vast majority of men are. It doesn't bother him, he has enough confidence in his own identity that he doesn't need to throw his toys out of the pram when someone gets his name wrong

Not the same at all and you know it. A small minority of people have earned titles relating to education, military service etc. When his General title is relevant, eg in a military setting, I'm sure it will be used.

Miss/Mrs/Ms affects all women and is something that no men have to put up with.