Husband is a very picky eater.

[frolicmum]

Hello, my husband is a very picky eater and would probably love a sandwich and oven food (chicken & chips etc) all week. It was the same when we met but we were 20, now 10 years later, I just want him to try more foods. I'm a veggie (been for years, this was already the case when we met).

I make a meal plan for every week which is on the fridge. If he doesn't eat what I cooked, I usually freeze it and DS can often have them unfrozen at some point for lunch and our yesterday's dinner for dinner next day. This is the meal plan for this week. I adjust and try to make things he likes as well:

Monday: chickpea masala (DH didn't eat this)
Tuesday: Veggie cottage pie (he just said, I won't eat that will I?)
Wednesday: take away (he can obvs order what he likes)
Thursday: creamy spinach and tomato pasta (he said he will eat this)
Friday: black bean Chili with rice (confirmed he won't eat this)
Saturday: bangers & mash (he will eat this)
Sunday: we always have a roast on Sunday and he eats most of it but only like carrots as veg.

Am i being unreasonable to be unhappy that he doesn't even try anything new?

He's a lovely man, father and husband, we are very happy but because I really enjoy cooking it's getting me down. Maybe it's because I'm hormonal because I'm pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️

If he doesn't eat it, it's his loss, not much you can do about it other than eat shit you don't want to for his benefit

Looks like a great menu, i'll happily come round and appreciate your cooking! I can not be doing with fussy eaters, particularly people who still eat like a 5 year old (and that's insulting many 5 yr olds I know) and refuse to try anything new.

PS I would eat all your meals

As long as he’s not spending a fortune on food, I’d just leave him to it.

I suppose the other factor is making sure that your kids don’t pick up on it and become fussy eaters themselves. He needs to make sure he’s not making a big deal about it so they don’t think it’s normal.

God I worry about my son ending up like this. I bloody love food and cooking too. Does he ever try anything before saying he doesn't like it?

Your meal plan sounds amazing - can I move in?
Seriously, his picky eating isn't compromising you or your child's diet. His pickiness doesn't seem to have transferred onto your DS which is fortunate.
Maybe one day your DH will take the plunge - he doesn't know what he's missing!

Lots of people are picky eaters, but going by your list he eats most of it and will eat some veg. I know of people who won't touch veggies at all or salad.

Stop pandering to him. Tell him you're tired, frustrated with his immaturity, and from now on he will have to make his own meals if he won't eat yours. You're not a bloody short order cook.

You need to nip this in the bud now before baby #2 arrives, because your life is about to get a whole lot crazier. Your current frustration will quickly turn to anger if you don't.

Well, he's eating like a child, so I'd use techniques for dealing with a child. Ask him to draw up a list of at least 10 evening meals, so that you don't fall into the "today is Wednesday, so that's chilli night, tomorrow is Thursday so that's sausage and mash night". If he can manage 20, that's better.

Have you asked him why he won't try new foods, or is there particular flavours/textures that he can't stand and you keep cooking with them?

Be prepared for him to point out that as you've cut out a whole food group in meat, you are also a fussy eater, and if you are allowed to refuse meat, he should be allowed to refuse other types of meals. (eg if he won't eat anything with rice)

Jesus what a child.

Just leave him to it. The foods not going to waste and hes not complaining that theres something wrong with your cooking. He can make chicken nuggets and potato smiles for himself while you and DS eat the yummy dinners.

@AryaStarkWolf @emmathedilemma

Thank you. I genuinely love to cook, and often cook lots of meals for people who have just babies or just stressed from life etc because it actually relaxes me. Maybe that's why I struggle also because it's almost a hobby of mine which I would love to share in a way? Would happy for you to come around!! Haha

I suppose I just got to suck it up and accept that's he's a way worse eater than my 21 months old DS.

@MaverickDanger no he's definitely not. I do most of the shopping anyway, he just tells me what he wants (I'm the one who is the spender on food). That's one thing I'm worried about. Our son is not 2 yet so we don't eat together (I know we should) but I actually mentioned that to him, he said: what do you want me to say, which made me realise he knows he's in the "wrong".

@Crapbuttrue no it's just a no or he tries from the tip of the spoon and says he doesn't like it. Most children do change at some point but he is 31.

@MargosKaftan great suggestion and don't worry, he's done that already. Well you don't like meat, I don't eat vegetables, same thing but I don't think it is. He's actually improved as he now eats rice, he used to have curry with chips (I didn't even know that was thing before I met him).

I think some of these replies are a bit harsh. It depends what he is saying. If he is saying he wont try and asking you to cook something else or getting arsey because he doesnt like your meal plans then that's not on.

But if he has tried it and doesnt like it...some people just like what they like, no matter how many times they try it they wont change. Its unreasonable to get angry at him for something he can't help. It's hard to force yourself to actually like new things or something other than what you've been brought up on. So it all depends on his reaction. Does he ever cook?

Just let him cook his own meals.
You and the kids can eat what you've made yourself.

My DH is like this. It is rooted in his childhood, when he was ill /hospitalized for many years, could tolerate very little, so developed a taste for bland foods. Continues like this to this very day. It’s not uncommon for us to eat different meals most nights (he’ll make his own boring pasta).

There’s no use berating him for it. It’s probably rooted in childhood habits, and is associated with visceral reactions at the thought of trying anything ‘new’. Main thing is that you’re not shouldering the burden of the extra cooking, and that your children don’t mimic it.

I would encourage him to take up some kind of a cookery course as a way of expanding his own palate, at his own pace.

To be honest, his meals are very easy to cook aka I just need to time it right in the oven, so he doesn't create extra work.

He never complains, he even says I'm a great chef but just doesn't like what I cook 🤷🏼‍♀️. Again, he's a very nice human, kind, hard working, amazing with our son and pulls his weight. That's literally the only thing that nags me.

I personally would hate being with a fussy eater. I'm veggie (as are kids) my OH isn't but he eats veggie at home because I cook.

My dad's a fussy eater which means my mum and dad eat seperately most days.

If he's a fussy eater, believe me, it won't change. Think it's something you'll have to just have to accept

Not all picky eaters are childish. I have a lot of sensory issues and literally cannot eat some things because the texture/smell/taste freaks me out so badly. The stereotype that adults with issues like mine are just stubborn or spoiled or ridiculous is quite upsetting.

I don't think this is a healthy dynamic where you plan and cook meals to suit yourself and he is completely passive. Why isn't he involved in planning and cooking food?

You married him

Vegetarian is an acquired taste.

Not liking a predominantly vegetarian diet doesn’t make him picky, and as you said, he’s not being rude about your cooking...

I have a real textural aversion to many vegetables and as such there are things on that menu I wouldn’t eat such as vegetarian cottage pie.

I am by no means picky though, I just have different tastes.

And he’s right, you not liking meat is the same even if your reasoning is different.

@frolicmum - why is it not the same thing, you don't like meat, he doesn't like vegetables? It does seem like there's actually quite a lot of meals he'll cook and eat, but they aren't ones you would want to eat. He does at least eat some vegetables, just not the range you do.

From his point of view, he has enough different meals he likes to not have to have the same thing every night. He will eat some non-bland foods like curry. He just can't eat the way he wants as a family every night, because you won't eat the way he does.

You both eat a restrictive diet. You both are able to find enough meals you like to eat a range and eat a healthy diet (he does eat veg, just not the range you'd like). I can see why if cooking is your "thing" it's disappointing he doesn't like the same things you do.

You need to stop presenting it as his diet is the problem. You chose not to marry a veggie foodie.

He's not rejecting your love when he rejects your meal plans.

Looking at it the other way, on your list there are quite a few things I'm surprised a "picky" would eat - like the spinach and tomato pasta.

As to the things he doesn't the masala and the chilli are related in the sense of being spiced foods.

Is it a taste/texture/spice issue?

The truth is we all have food preferences.

Whilst I can only name a handful of things I absolutely wouldn't eat, to be fair I have a larger (though not massive) list of food I'd prefer not to given the choice.

In your household it sounds like you have a dynamic where he's exercising that choice.

However I suspect the issue is that he won't/hasn't tried any of the foods before rejecting them?

I'm a keen cook and tbh I have sympathy with you in the sense I'd be frustrated if DH refused to try something I'd cooked, but by the same token it's horrible being asked to eat something you really dislike and if I cooked devilled kidneys for DH there's no way on earth I'd stand a chance of him even tasting them (less than sprouts at Christmas however nicely I cook them).

I think you need to chat about what it is about certain foods he doesn't like and work from there. You may find there are recipes that work for all of you if you know in detail why he's rejecting certain things.

Ultimately though, as long as he's not expecting you to cook a separate meal for him, you can't really force him to eat things he doesn't like.

oh and anyone making being into cooking for the family as their passion and hobby risks this disappointment when other people in the household have their own tastes and preferences.

(You do need to be prepared for when DS is older and decides he prefers what Daddy's having for dinner tonight to what you've made.)

I'd hate being with someone who only wanted to eat sandwiches and oven chips, however I'd also hate being with someone who continued to create meal plans of food she probably knows I wouldn't like, despite being together for a long time.
He can't help what he likes to eat (I say that assuming he does have fruit and veg in his diet somewhere and isn't overweight/diabetic etc.)
So I can see both sides...