Husband is a very picky eater.

[frolicmum]

Hello, my husband is a very picky eater and would probably love a sandwich and oven food (chicken & chips etc) all week. It was the same when we met but we were 20, now 10 years later, I just want him to try more foods. I'm a veggie (been for years, this was already the case when we met).

I make a meal plan for every week which is on the fridge. If he doesn't eat what I cooked, I usually freeze it and DS can often have them unfrozen at some point for lunch and our yesterday's dinner for dinner next day. This is the meal plan for this week. I adjust and try to make things he likes as well:

Monday: chickpea masala (DH didn't eat this)
Tuesday: Veggie cottage pie (he just said, I won't eat that will I?)
Wednesday: take away (he can obvs order what he likes)
Thursday: creamy spinach and tomato pasta (he said he will eat this)
Friday: black bean Chili with rice (confirmed he won't eat this)
Saturday: bangers & mash (he will eat this)
Sunday: we always have a roast on Sunday and he eats most of it but only like carrots as veg.

Am i being unreasonable to be unhappy that he doesn't even try anything new?

He's a lovely man, father and husband, we are very happy but because I really enjoy cooking it's getting me down. Maybe it's because I'm hormonal because I'm pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️

[quote frolicmum]I can see people have mixed reviews on here.

@MargosKaftan I can see you feel very strongly about this, it seems you don't think my husband is actually a fussy eater. The only two vegetables he eats are spinach and carrots, tomatoes when crushed aka in a sauce. He eats no legumes, so in a way, you are right, the food groups we eat are very different but I do try to accommodate and do ask him but he's genuinely not interested in cooking, I ask him to come up with meals but he's not interested but it's something we can work on and I like the positive suggestions on here and I am sure he will be happy to do this for me. All i get from you is how I am wrong. You say my food choices don't sound very nice but again, this is very personal.

I do think people are using words such as kicking up a fuss and me being nasty here like i am forcing him to eat the food? I just said it's upsetting me that he doesn't even try it and I am asking for advice but it's not like that I have a proper argument with my husband and making him eat the food?? I then just make what he wants. I worry about the future and my children copying this behaviour. I actually cook meat for him as well aka for every roast I do. I buy organic meat and it's expensive so we only have it 1x - 2x Max a week, sausages are meat but also organic. Someone even suggested that I'm at home and cook the meals and he works? Where did that one come from? We both work full time?

Key takeaways:

• involve husband more in the meal planning, maybe even sit down together (I do need this to know what to buy for the week)
• create a meal list for him and when I want something he doesn't like, I suggest something else I know he likes for him.
• cut him some slack for trying and making an effort - he's a wonderful human and I love him very much

If he's happy to eat a sandwich, what's wrong with that? People mumsnetters are so often obsessed with 'proper hot dinners'. He's an adult, he can choose what he wants to eat. Some people are foodies, some are really not bothered about 'interesting, wholesome meals'. Neither is right or wrong - unless you are seriously malnourished which doesn't seem to be the case here.

Food is so personal, I don't think I am a 'picky' eater but I much prefer things the way I cook them, why should my DH have to eat what I choose every night?

@ madcatladyforever amen.

Agree re compromises. I don’t understand why you would cook something someone in your household doesn’t like without taking them into consideration (I mean you in general not the OP in particular.).

E.g. I like curry but my DS doesn’t like any spice. So we don’t eat it when it’s just us. If it’s just me and DP and DS is out then I’ll make a curry.

I like tuna but DS doesn’t. He however loves most other fish and seafood which I don’t, so if I want tuna I cook that for me and cook him some salmon instead.

My DP claimed he doesn’t like fish. At all, except he’d never tasted it. So I made sea bass for all of us and DP agreed that if he didn’t like it he would order a takeaway. He said it was one of the most delicious meals he’d had in a long time. .

Fact is that most people have differing tastes to some extent, and we all have to find our own compromises.

@DartmoorChef

I dont think he's being a fussy eater. He's not a vegetarian. I would prefer not to eat most of those dishes and im far from fussy.

Would he eat the meals if you added a chicken breast or a steak to them? He could cook his own steaks etc.

It's irrelevant whether or not he's vegetarian as to whether or not he'll eat the food in the OPs list. None of it is particularly unusual or an 'acquired taste', it's just fairly standard basic food.

The suggestion of him eating it if it's got chicken or steak with it is ludicrous. He either likes it or he doesn't. It won't taste any different if it's got meat next to it.

I understand your issue OP. Food is a way that you show love and he's rejecting you by refusing to eat the food you make. It's quite a hard one to get over, but it sounds like it's his issue not yours and you just need to remember that you're not obliged to feed him meat or no meat.

I could of wrote that myself. DP is the very same, he is away working during the week so only together at the weekends. He won't try anything I make (I'm a vegetarian also) and has a limited diet, so I just do my own food at the weekend or we will have usually 1 takeaway or he will cook for both of us but make mine a veggie option.

Apart from baked beans on toast, I can't stand beans. I won't even eat a meat-based chilli if there are kidney beans in it. I don't like lentils/chickpea/bean vegetarian alternative dishes. I have ASD so a lot of my food aversions are textural; apparently I wouldn't eat scrambled egg or mashed potato as a baby and I still maintain at 30yo that it's like someone has already eaten it.

I like food and cooking but there are many things I won't eat: lamb, game, turkey, legumes, parsnips, sweet potato, onion, basically any seafood apart from a white fish fillet. I also dislike a lot of cooked veg but will happily eat it raw (e.g. carrots). On the other hand, I love some things that other people boke at, like stinky blue cheese and brussels sprouts

DH is a human dustbin so we tend to eat stuff we both like but if he fancies lamb or something, he'll cook for himself without complaint. There needs to be some compromise but if he put a chickpea curry in front of me, I just couldn't eat it no matter how much he moaned at me.

Sounds a good menu, apart from black beans , not a mad pulse lover, ok I eat red lentils and chickpeas, hate gravy and custard.
Try to include him I’m meal,plan

Put him in a high chair and spread a selection of finger food on the tray for him, that’s what to do with picky toddlers 😂

I wouldn't eat most of that either.

DH is far more adventurous than me when it comes to food but instead of having a go at me about it (he does all the cooking) or calling me "picky" just accepts that we like what we like and plans accordingly.

It's worked well for 27 years so far.

I love to cook new meals. I am vegan, have a vegan dd, vegetarian dd and a omni ds and dh. The kids are all teens so we sometimes have a meal we can share (potatoes, veg and side of meat, veggie burger etc) where dh cook's meat. Sometimes I just make a pot of what I fancy and eat it for a few days and dh can make his own stuff. You can't take it personally, and it used annoy me but I guess I wouldn't eat what he makes (generally the potatoes veg and meat) each day so I do what I want. Eating out is fun as dh won't eat sauces 😂 except Indian 🤷 but I eat what I want to and he eats what he wants to.

Damn straight @madcatladyforever. It must be frustrating cooking for a fussy grown adult, it’s bad enough when it’s kids.

@AlternativePerspective

This is constructive and I'm all pro constructive feedback. People get stuck in their ways without even realising it, me included of course. Change sometimes only happens when someone actually spells it out.

It's nice that your DP discovered something new that you like as well though isn't it? We had a BBQ this year and I got halloumi, DH loved it!

We do get different takeaways (I love Vietnamese food but he doesn't like it, so we just pick up each other's and there's no issue), someone said a takeaway is unhealthy, the vegan pho soup or vegan Vietnamese salad is actually really healthy and that's what I get most of the time.

& thank you to all the other posters for positive suggestions. I do appreciate it.

@barbaraofSeville

"It's irrelevant whether or not he's vegetarian as to whether or not he'll eat the food in the OPs list. None of it is particularly unusual or an 'acquired taste', it's just fairly standard basic food.

The suggestion of him eating it if it's got chicken or steak with it is ludicrous. He either likes it or he doesn't. It won't taste any different if it's got meat next to it."

I would totally disagree there. Im not vegetarian nor is my DP. But we eat veg with meat dishes. The juices of the meat make a huge difference to the taste.

I don't think I'm a picky eater but if I had to eat just what you eat or what your husband eats, I'd pick his. I don't mind the odd veggie dish, but once a week is plenty.

My DH and I tend to just sort ourselves as we like different things. Then we both get to eat what we like. Although I do wish DH wouldn't keep stinking the kitchen out.

Welcome to the club. I am dealing with the same thing and my kids picked up his habit. Doesn't help that we are Americans and his diet is mostly American comfort or processed food.

I think he’s an adult and can decide what he wants to eat. And since he doesn’t like anything you cook (or just a couple of things), I’m not sure your meal planning is going that well. Perhaps you need a reorganisation of cooking/shopping/planning, so that you are not stressing about cooking chickpea curries that he is clearly never going to eat.

My dad was also a picky eater, he ate mostly hamburger or deli sandwiches. It wasn't good for his heart so it killed him since they couldn't treat his cancer with a heart disease.

Anyway, let your husband fix his own meal and you take care of yourself and kids. That's what I have been doing.

Does he suffer from Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)?

I do and I can't tell you how stressful it is when people try to make me eat food I know I just physically won't be able to. It's not picky eating though choice, it causes me high levels of social anxiety and I'd rather people just didn't make a fuss.

@theblackparade

Not all picky eaters are childish. I have a lot of sensory issues and literally cannot eat some things because the texture/smell/taste freaks me out so badly. The stereotype that adults with issues like mine are just stubborn or spoiled or ridiculous is quite upsetting.

First, I love your username. Big MCR fans here.

Second, it’s a good point about fussy eaters. We, as adults, accept many different ways of eating whether it’s vegan, vegetarian, low carb, low fat, calorie counting, omnivore, chillies with everything, ketchup with everything, adventurous, and—yes—sensory issues.

OP, as long as he’s not complaining, not making a big deal in front of your son (and possibly setting an example for fussiness), and has a well-balanced diet (which is his own job to see to, not your job), then I’d let it rest.

What seems clear to me is that you love cooking and it’s disappointing you that your —acknowledged by your husband— good cooking isn’t pleasing him as much as you want it to.

Honestly, I’d lift the burden from myself and let it go. Cook what is best for you and your child(ren), then let him eat or not eat.

If he has meals he doesn’t enjoy, don’t stop cooking them. You can tell him to add something to shopping list or just buy and cook for himself if he knows he’s not going to eat.

Also, if I were in your shoes, I’d make sure to cook for as many people who love food as much as you do, and get the satisfaction from them rather than trying to please one person.

I don’t think he’s being difficult or controlling. I think the man knows what he wants to eat and what he likes. Same as most of us.

Good luck, please don’t stress or be bothered. Let it go.

I don't think he sounds that bad, and I don't see the difference between you not eating meat and him not eating veg.

I wouldn't eat Monday or Friday's offerings but would eat the rest.

He sounds like a kid. As he has such strong opposition can you not menu prepare together?

Surely if he had sensory issues the OP would have mentioned that.

Like a PP I don’t like most cooked veg and would prefer to eat it raw. In fact when I’m cutting up carrots for dinner I eat a substantial amount of them before they make it to the pot.

I find most veg slimy or stringy. The texture is just horrible, and there is no fruit I will eat other than apples - again a textural thing.

By the same token I dislike jelly and custard for the same reasons so it’s not just a fruit and veg thing.

Carrots and baby sweet corn are veg I like cooked because I can cook them fairly crunchy iyswim.