Husband is a very picky eater.

[frolicmum]

Hello, my husband is a very picky eater and would probably love a sandwich and oven food (chicken & chips etc) all week. It was the same when we met but we were 20, now 10 years later, I just want him to try more foods. I'm a veggie (been for years, this was already the case when we met).

I make a meal plan for every week which is on the fridge. If he doesn't eat what I cooked, I usually freeze it and DS can often have them unfrozen at some point for lunch and our yesterday's dinner for dinner next day. This is the meal plan for this week. I adjust and try to make things he likes as well:

Monday: chickpea masala (DH didn't eat this)
Tuesday: Veggie cottage pie (he just said, I won't eat that will I?)
Wednesday: take away (he can obvs order what he likes)
Thursday: creamy spinach and tomato pasta (he said he will eat this)
Friday: black bean Chili with rice (confirmed he won't eat this)
Saturday: bangers & mash (he will eat this)
Sunday: we always have a roast on Sunday and he eats most of it but only like carrots as veg.

Am i being unreasonable to be unhappy that he doesn't even try anything new?

He's a lovely man, father and husband, we are very happy but because I really enjoy cooking it's getting me down. Maybe it's because I'm hormonal because I'm pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️

YABU to want him to eat food he doesn't like. How would you like it if he asked you to eat meat?

I was forced to eat food that I didn't like the taste/texture of as a child, by my father and my primary head teacher. Forced, to the point that I had to sit there eating cold congealed meals until I had cleared my plate. I washed as much as I could down with water, while gagging the entire time. I was so glad to get out of that place.

It has left me with huge food issues. I only eat carrots and peas, no other veg or salad due to taste/smell, although I can eat some veg in a mixed soup in small quantities. I hate mince meat so that is a whole range of meals out. I hate fat on meat or gristly bits. It was torture for me as a child and I feel sorry for anyone who is forced to eat food that they don't like and will never do it to my child.

If it causes you a problem in preparing too many meals, then you could batch cook something that he likes , and feed him that way from the freezer , or ask him to get his own meals.

People can be so nasty about "fussy eaters", you can see it on this thread, but some of us just cannot help it.

I would let him cook for himself.

i think YABU to not cook what he wants. All these comments of "make him cook his own" - if the OP and husband have agreed she will be at home and cook and he works, then that isn't really living up to your side of the deal.

Just make him his breaded chicken and wedges sometimes?

I can't imagine enforcing a meal plan of stuff the other person doesn't like? We do some nights when he has a fresh fish and i have fish fingers as not a fan of most fish. Forcing adults to eat stuff they don't like when they have a choice is very controlling.

Agree with other comments re the chickpea masala and black bean chilli. I wouldn't eat either of them as I'm not a fan of pulses - I'll eat them if they're a small part of a meal, but not as the main element IYSWIM.

Thing is, it seems he is happy to cook for himself on the nights he doesn't like what the OP is planning - and he's happy to tell her in advance so she doesn't make more than she needs to.

The problem is the OP wants him to like the food she's making. But won't factor in his choices into what she'll make.

I'm not a remotely picky eater, but I wouldn't eat the majority of things on your menu because I'm not a vegetarian, and prefer most meals with meat. I'd eat the meat versions of pretty much all of it though (so chicken and chick pea masala/beef chilli/lamb shepherd's pie etc). If you are a meat eater, in general, the vege substitutes taste far inferior. I would eat the spinach and tomato pasta. The roast would be fine (as long as it is meat) and bangers and mash OK, but again as long as they were meat.

What you describe isn't a fussy eater. It's someone who doesn't wish to eat your very restrictive vegetarian diet.

You can't force him to be a vegetarian, or to only eat the food you like.

A fair compromise might be that he cooks 50% of the meals and you eat them without complaint (meat and all) and you cook the other 50% of the meals (without meat if that's what you choose)and he eats them without complaint. Or more reasonably, you each prepare and eat what you want, and neither of you complain about the other person's preferred eating habits!

One of my two adult sons is an extremely picky eater, the other one (like us) is a real foody and loves cooking and eating. I have always worried about what will happen if and when DS has his own children but I live in hope he will expand his diet before then. He is 28. Anyone who says your DH is being selfish/whatever obviously has no idea of all the complex issues involved. by the way - your DH has a much, much better and more varied diet than my DS.

I am a really fussy eater and I hate it. I try new foods all the time and will always try something new - but rarely like it. At home, I try and cook more as it's me who is limited and causes problems, but if my DP wants to have certain meals he just does and I just eat something else. Not really a problem as none of us are stopping the other.

I wouldn’t eat most of that was called a picky eater

In reality I have ARFID and the thought of eating new foods and foods I don’t like fill me with dread

I couldn't live on a totally vegetarian diet and he is an adult so up to him what he eats / likes wants to try etc
If you don't want to cook an additional meal then thats fine to make him cook his own
But if someone doesn't like something they don't like it
If he cooked all the meals and only prepared food he likes I am sure you would not eat it every night

I would hate this regime OP.

I can see people have mixed reviews on here.

@MargosKaftan I can see you feel very strongly about this, it seems you don't think my husband is actually a fussy eater. The only two vegetables he eats are spinach and carrots, tomatoes when crushed aka in a sauce. He eats no legumes, so in a way, you are right, the food groups we eat are very different but I do try to accommodate and do ask him but he's genuinely not interested in cooking, I ask him to come up with meals but he's not interested but it's something we can work on and I like the positive suggestions on here and I am sure he will be happy to do this for me. All i get from you is how I am wrong. You say my food choices don't sound very nice but again, this is very personal.

I do think people are using words such as kicking up a fuss and me being nasty here like i am forcing him to eat the food? I just said it's upsetting me that he doesn't even try it and I am asking for advice but it's not like that I have a proper argument with my husband and making him eat the food?? I then just make what he wants. I worry about the future and my children copying this behaviour. I actually cook meat for him as well aka for every roast I do. I buy organic meat and it's expensive so we only have it 1x - 2x Max a week, sausages are meat but also organic. Someone even suggested that I'm at home and cook the meals and he works? Where did that one come from? We both work full time?

Key takeaways:

• involve husband more in the meal planning, maybe even sit down together (I do need this to know what to buy for the week)
• create a meal list for him and when I want something he doesn't like, I suggest something else I know he likes for him.
• cut him some slack for trying and making an effort - he's a wonderful human and I love him very much

And comments such as “are you sure you don’t like it? It’s lovely.” Or “you obviously just haven’t had a good veggie shepherds pie” are incredibly patronising.

I love a nice piece of fish, whereas plenty of people don’t. If I told a vegetarian that they obviously just haven’t tried it that would they agree that maybe I was right and they were wrong? No didn’t think so.

So as much as people don’t want to eat meat and don’t like it, so many others don’t want to be or like vegetarian food.

I would rather go hungry than eat that masala or anything with beans in it.

i can’t eat things with spinach because I’m on blood thinners and spinach has an impact on INR.

I would eat sausages (meat only please) and roast, but as much as people could consider that picky I would consider having a takeaway once a week as eating far too much junk food.

Horses for courses isn’t it. What works for one doesn’t work for another and so on.

making a mental note that people consider a veggie a fussy eater (ignorance on my part)

making a mental note that people consider a veggie a fussy eater (ignorance on my part) Surely that should be: “accepting that I am a fussy eater.”

I know quite a few guys like this TBH! I also struggle with some types of veg as well.Not keen on Broccoli ,Also not so keen on Chilli either! Your menu sounds lovely ,but like your DH my tastes are more simple really.If he is not complaining and cooking his own sometimes then wheres the problem?

My meal plan for this week looks like this:

Yesterday pasta carbonara.

Today pizza because we’re having furniture delivered so the kitchen is going to be full of boxes, but it’s pizza out of the fridge not from dominoes.

Tomorrow stir-fried veg with teriyaki salmon for DS and tuna for me.

Thursday sea bass with sautéed potatoes etc

Friday lamb with rosemary and garlic.

Saturday not sure yet, but likely fish with either rice or pasta.

Sunday Roast.

I’m sure that some of the veggies on that thread would reject most of that, so... picky much? .

@frolicmum that’s a similar number of veg to what I eat and I have no issues with my DH and our meals plans. Out of interest are you allowing your DS to eat meat or will he be forced to be a veggie? You say you buy meat for your DH not DS.

Surely meals you could make that he will eat (some you’ve already noted)

• pasta with tomato sauce spinach and chicken
• chicken curry with rice
• roast dinner with veg (carrots only for him)
• sausages and mash
• Shepard’s pie with mince and carrots and spinach.

-takeaway

If he eats all of those then you are exaggerating that he will only eat fried chicken or sandwiches. Those meals are plenty diverse just not to your own tastes. To flip it on its head if your menu was the above then you would have to cook a second dinner to accommodate YOUR specific fussy tastes not his (ie no meat wanting more veg)

I wouldn't consider a veggie a fussy eater but in out house we eat very little all veggie meals so if one of my dc decides to be a veggie it would be a struggle to do a family meal as my dh can't get a grip on having a meal without meat.
I have a very fussy 17 year old who eats no veg practically lives of chicken and it is frustrating cooking a different meal everynight but we have tried so many ways of getting him to eat more but nothing has worked so now I have to just accept it as I don't think he will ever change
A compromise could be that you maybe ask your dh to try one new meal a week ?

@mrsm43s

I'm not a remotely picky eater, but I wouldn't eat the majority of things on your menu because I'm not a vegetarian, and prefer most meals with meat. I'd eat the meat versions of pretty much all of it though (so chicken and chick pea masala/beef chilli/lamb shepherd's pie etc). If you are a meat eater, in general, the vege substitutes taste far inferior. I would eat the spinach and tomato pasta. The roast would be fine (as long as it is meat) and bangers and mash OK, but again as long as they were meat.

What you describe isn't a fussy eater. It's someone who doesn't wish to eat your very restrictive vegetarian diet.

You can't force him to be a vegetarian, or to only eat the food you like.

A fair compromise might be that he cooks 50% of the meals and you eat them without complaint (meat and all) and you cook the other 50% of the meals (without meat if that's what you choose)and he eats them without complaint. Or more reasonably, you each prepare and eat what you want, and neither of you complain about the other person's preferred eating habits!

Chicken and chickpea masala is a substitute, not the other way around (the original Indian dish is vegetarian and called chana masala).

Your upset? You've been together 10 years, surely you are over it by now? Who cares what he eats, he's a grown man he can cook for himself if you don't want to make it.

I'm in agreement with others that not wanting everything on that weeks plan doesn't make him a fussy eater. I'm not a fussy eater, but I wouldn't want to eat all those either.

You obviously have very different tastes in food. You knew this from the start. If I was in your shoes, I would personally do the meal plan for the week, get your husband go through and tell you which ones he doesn't want. But it is then up to him to tell you which meals he would like instead.

@Racinglikeapronow my DS eats meat but it is organic in my house, however I do not like how the word forced is being used given if that was the only food he knew and liked?

Again, it is part of my key takeaways that I'm a fussy eater :)

I dont think he's being a fussy eater. He's not a vegetarian. I would prefer not to eat most of those dishes and im far from fussy.

Would he eat the meals if you added a chicken breast or a steak to them? He could cook his own steaks etc.

Maybe it's because I'm hormonal because I'm pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️

For god's sake ladies, every other bleeding post has this stuck on the end or something to do with my anxiety, lack of confidence blah, blah.

It is NOTHING to do with you, if you feel something is annoying, wrong, whatever please OWN your feelings and stop blaming it on hormones etc.

That's what men blame everything we do on, please don't let us start that nonsense too.

If you feel annoyed it's because you are annoyed - end of.