Husband is a very picky eater.

[frolicmum]

Hello, my husband is a very picky eater and would probably love a sandwich and oven food (chicken & chips etc) all week. It was the same when we met but we were 20, now 10 years later, I just want him to try more foods. I'm a veggie (been for years, this was already the case when we met).

I make a meal plan for every week which is on the fridge. If he doesn't eat what I cooked, I usually freeze it and DS can often have them unfrozen at some point for lunch and our yesterday's dinner for dinner next day. This is the meal plan for this week. I adjust and try to make things he likes as well:

Monday: chickpea masala (DH didn't eat this)
Tuesday: Veggie cottage pie (he just said, I won't eat that will I?)
Wednesday: take away (he can obvs order what he likes)
Thursday: creamy spinach and tomato pasta (he said he will eat this)
Friday: black bean Chili with rice (confirmed he won't eat this)
Saturday: bangers & mash (he will eat this)
Sunday: we always have a roast on Sunday and he eats most of it but only like carrots as veg.

Am i being unreasonable to be unhappy that he doesn't even try anything new?

He's a lovely man, father and husband, we are very happy but because I really enjoy cooking it's getting me down. Maybe it's because I'm hormonal because I'm pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️

@possumgoddess the thread has moved on from the initial comments but I get it's a lot of work to read through it all. There have been positive solutions and suggestions on here and these have been discussed at home and we're happy. Win win.

He's a picky eater and he's an adult. You can't control what he wants to eat!!!

@Racinglikeapronow

You also say you were vegetarian when you met your DH. Well presumably he was also NOT a vegetarian but now he has to be 5 - 6 days a week???

He's perfectly welcome to cook his own food or to discuss it with his wife if he has a problem.

You couldn't even figure out who was the OP in the thread so I have doubts about your ability to provide reasoned constructive or insightful perspective on the OP's relationship. I think the OP's comment above is very wise

If it causes you extra work,cost,time and hassle then YANBU.

If he's happy to sort himself out then YABU.

I wouldn't eat any of those either,bar the roast.

However, I sort myself out,shop for what I need/like so my fussiness does not inconvenience anyone.

What I don’t get about picky eaters is why is it usually fruit and veg they don’t like? I understand textures and tastes but there is such a variety of fruit and veg how could you classify it all as one thing and dislike it all? I find it very immature, adults realise they need fruit and veg in their diet whether they like it or not, it’s not really a choice.

As per usual, it's not the person saying I don't like that, I'm happy to get something else myself who is complaining. It's the person making the unappetizing food who is doing the complaining.

I'm somewhat fussy in general but extremely fussy about food texture. I don't eat legumes, beans etc because I hate the texture. I also find the direction things are cut in really affects texture. I can't eat sloppy / mushy food. Smell also really impacts what I eat.

I have a very varied diet and meat free meals. I don't need to eat food I don't like to do that.

You seem to be quite controlling with meat no more than twice a week. That's your decision, what would your husband prefer? To me it sounds like you are choosing what you feel like eating and not compromising for something you would both eat.

Some very mixed feedback here. Not eating meat is not the same as not eating veggies, it’s impossible to have a balanced healthy diet without vegetables and any adult making this choice should be planning for poorer health outcomes and the impact that will have on their family- don’t take a mortgage out that assumes you retire at 70, do have good insurance etc.

The meals he eats aren’t awful and I’m glad you’ve had a productive discussion. However, it would be unacceptable to me to live and have children with a man that couldnt cook healthy ie include several vegetables, meals for their family? What if you are sick? No chance of decent food while you recover? What if you have something long term, does that mean your child’s diet drops off a cliff health wise? I’d say they need a minimum of 5 meals and to cook one weekly.

I like a bland diet
I just dont like many tastes or textures and wont eat them just to satisfy someone else. Life is too short to eat food i dislike

To me a pie needs meat so a vege one is just weird, i dont like the taste of black beans, chickpeas? no, texture thing.

He isnt complaining or putting down your food so id leave it be. He is allowed to simply not like certain foods.
If its a big issue he can cook his own.

There's a difference between being an infantile fussy eater and choosing not to eat meat for ethical reasons. Many posters here don't appear to understand, but that's ok, their punishment appears to be a love of dated, bland food.

@Aquamarine1029

Stop pandering to him. Tell him you're tired, frustrated with his immaturity, and from now on he will have to make his own meals if he won't eat yours. You're not a bloody short order cook.

You need to nip this in the bud now before baby #2 arrives, because your life is about to get a whole lot crazier. Your current frustration will quickly turn to anger if you don't.

He shouldn't have to eat things he doesn't like though. Surely OP can have what she likes and he can have what he likes? I don't fancy any of those things he won't eat either but would eat the roast/sausage and mash etc.

Is there anything less attractive than a man who eats like a toddler?

He doesn’t sound like a picky eater to me - you’ve said he’ll eat beef goulash, pasta and a curry etc. He’s not a picky eater - he’s just not a vegetarian.

He’s choosing “beige oven food” as that’s the option over a chickpea masala. I would too if I’m honest.

@Chapterx

What I don’t get about picky eaters is why is it usually fruit and veg they don’t like? I understand textures and tastes but there is such a variety of fruit and veg how could you classify it all as one thing and dislike it all? I find it very immature, adults realise they need fruit and veg in their diet whether they like it or not, it’s not really a choice.

I'm just as fussy with meat as I am with other things. I only eat chicken and pork(and they have to be cooked "right") and maybe a burger once in a blue moon. Don't like fish. Can't stand lamb , just the smell of it makes me retch. Duck and turkey are meh,but I'd rather not.

I like most fruits and a quite a few veg(several I'll eat raw but don't like cooked) just not enough of them or in varied enough combinations to not classify as fussy.

I like what I like and I want to enjoy my food ,not eat according to someone else's rules or "shoulds".

Trying to limit meat to twice a week is just supporting your child to have a healthy diet and good parenting. I for one could do with more of that approach! I keep red meat to moderate levels (But still several times a week) and aim for at least one meat free meal a week, for my family’s health now and forming long term habits.

Also your dishes sound quite lentil heavy and a lot of people aren’t keen.
I’m not a vegetarian but eat meat free meals fairly often but generally not lentil/bean based ones (though actually I like both with meat).

Would he prefer stuff with more “meaty” vegetables? So for example this evening I had stuffed aubergine (basically tastes like pizza) and the other day a mushroom and cheese pasta. Would he be keener on those types of veggie meals?

@timeisnotaline thanks! I don't actually have the energy anymore to justify / argue with anyone on here.

I believe I made my point, learned and have taken away quite a few positives and how we can make this work at home with DHs agreements (it's all been discussed). Quite a few people now comment without having read any of my updates, so I would just repeat myself which is pointless, so here I am saying goodbye to this thread. Bye.

why not let him do all the meal planning, prep and cooking?
and the washing up.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

why not let him do all the meal planning, prep and cooking? and the washing up.

Probably because if he did all the meal planning, prep and cooking then he’d cook beef goulash, chicken curry, shepherds pie with meat, spaghetti bolognese and breaded chicken with wedges and peas. Because that’s what he likes. But it’s not what the OP likes, so it wouldn’t really be much help to her would it? Maybe then the DH would be on here posting “My veggie DW is so fussy, I’ve made these meals and she won’t even try them”. They like different things, so what? There are a couple of things off the OP’s menu that the DH has said he’ll have. On the other nights, he’s said he’ll cook for himself. All the posters indignantly saying “make him cook for himself!” Err, yeah that’s what he wants to do!

@possumgoddess

Surely everybody is entitled to their own likes and dislikes? There are at least three of those meals I wouldn't like either and I wouldn't be too keen on a couple of the others. I'm sure there are some meals you cook that he does like - maybe discuss with him other things you could cook that he would try. How would you like it if he prepared meals for you that you didn't like and then called you picky? Your tastes don't trump his - just because you like something doesn't mean he has to too. I realise that being vegetarian reduces the options for the foods you want to cook, but there are other options too.

Agree with this 👆🏼

The world seems to be full of women who cook and eat all kinds of food and men who eat like teenagers. Obviously that's an exaggeration, but there is more than a grain of truth in it.

@Mumisnotmyonlyname I disagree - I don’t know one male fussy eater - know at least three women.

I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time here @frolicmum. Lots of people seem to have taken against your vegetarianism for no other reason than utter bloody-mindedness.

Those who claim to 'not be fussy eaters', but don't like pulses, most vegetables, fruit etc. I've got news for them, you are fussy eaters with limited palates.

I'm not vegetarian, but I don't consider it fussy, it's a considered moral choice that I respect. I'm a genuinely non-fussy eater, there's only one food I absolutely refuse to eat and that's green apples, I won't even have them in the house. Other than that I'll eat absolutely anything, there are things I like more than others and tastes and textures I prefer, but I'll give anything a go!

I really understand OP, it would be an absolute relationship non-starter for me if a person didn't share my love of food. I quite understand AFRID and other conditions, and I'd never force food on people, we just wouldn't be compatible on a very fundamental level.

I think what posters have failed to grasp too, is that you both work full-time, he's a fussy bugger, yet it seems to be you that's doing meal-planning, cooking, and trying to ensure your DC have a varied diet and palette. It seems unfair and unbalanced.

I'll come round to yours for dinner OP. The world needs more enthusiastic and good cooks!

Maybe he doesn't like the planning element? I eat mostly anything but would be averse to a whole week's meals being planned in advance. What if I didn't fancy that one day? I know planning works for some families and people but not for others. And sometimes people want to eat at different times.
If he can make his own food I'd let him get on with it. If you like to budget a certain amount for food each week then just buy it in or leave an amount for contingencies.
The idea that everyone eats the same thing is outdated - good for celebrations but food is fuel. Some people hate being pigeon holed into eating a meal out of politeness and gratitude. Remove the obligation and the problem may disappear

Maybe he doesn’t want the veggie option?
Throw some chicken in his Masala or give him a side of chips with the veg option?
Make his veggie cottage pie non veggie?
Make homemade pizzas his is meat lovers yours is veggie heaven kids have what they feel like.
Can do loads without making a non adventurous eater look picky by making them eat a nearly exclusive veggie menu cause I bet the bangers and mash night you don’t eat meat sausages they’ll be veggie and hiss will be meat so that’s why he’ll eat it!

I think it’s harsh that PP are calling him childish.
My OH is a great cook and wishes I’d eat a wider variety but I struggle with textures and trying new foods.
From your meal plan example I’d only eat the sausages and mash and the roast (only the veg I like and the meat if it was beef or Turkey) .

To avoid waste and so I eat enough we sit down every week and come up with a meal plan that suits us both , I don’t like being pressured to try new foods it’s just the way I’ve been since a child. I eat a lot more variety now than I did as a teenager. He may have issues with food that he doesn’t want to let you know about. We also take it in turns to make the meals and for me knowing what goes into certain recipes has helped me try more things.