To think this is stupid

[hello20201]

So NC here;
So me and DP have decided to split but can't work out how we would co parent
His idea is
Every other week, so I would have DS for a whole week and him the next! Ideally this might Work but he will be moving 4 hours away back to we're he was originally from(still in UK)
He doesn't drive which is why I think he suggested as less time for travel via trains
But my problem is
1 Routines DS is two
2 he is in nursery so I can work so would mean he wouldn't be attending EOW but I would still have to fork out childcare cost as he is refusing to do so
3 DS has a very close relationship with many of my family and we see my mum every week now in Parks as Covid but still every week without fail
He has only met Dx mother 3times in the past 2years
I am open to options but that seems so ridiculous and costly..
Is there any long distance co parents like to share some wisdom

Just to add he has threatened to take DS down there as he thinks it's a better for him as the people there arnt chavvy so I am scared just incase he does! I do all the parenting

Thankyou all for your comments and suggestions I've taken them all in board. I'm speaking with some solicitor in the next week to get this all out on paper!
I obviously thought this idea was ludicrous but he was pushing me to believe if I diddnt agree I was stopping him from seeing his son! Which is obv not the case I just want what's best for my son!
I was trying to avoid the court route but seems like that wont be possible unless he can see his idea is insane!
I honestly thought he'd be mature about the situation but is clearly putting him self first!
Again Thankyou for you comments

Hi everybody
My partner and I have been together for about 12 years, I’m 29 and he’s 30 and we got together when I was about 17.
When we younger he liked to go out a lot and spent a lot of weekends partying and going to Ibiza etc. I knew of a group of girls that he and his friends would hang out with when they went clubbing etc and didn’t really like it but I just thought it was friends all coming together. (He never told me about them, I came across them years ago because one of the girls tagged him in a post, I asked him who they were and he said friends).
Something popped up on Facebook recently (a suggested friend who was my boyfriends friend) and I had a look at his profile, he hasn’t been on it for years so saw I some pics of them all out together (this group of girls and his group of friends from 2011/2012 so we would have been about 20 at the time.)
What I’ve seen and read recently, suggest to me that there might have been a bit more to it with my boyfriend and one of the girls. I don’t feel it was probably more than a bit of flirting but I’m not sure.
My boyfriend and I now at 29 and 30 are in such a good place and I do get that with all his clubbing etc it was something that he needed to do in his teens and early 20’s, but now that I feel there was more to it with one particular girl, I don’t know whether to speak to him about it now?
It was a long time ago and there is nothing that makes me feel like he might have cheated in the last years 7/8 years. I feel like if I talk to him and he knows I know, it’s like I’m accepting that it happened and that I’m ok with it. But at the same time, if I don’t talk to him I’m going to just let it go.
We’re planning on having children soon and I’m so confused about what to do...

@NM90 you need to start your own thread- just copy and paste what you wrote and put it in a new thread in the Relationships board. Hope you get some good advice.

@CheetasonFajitas thank you, I didn’t realise, I thought I had created a new post, thanks.

I can understand why he doesn't want to stay somewhere with no family/friends and limited jobs......

But unfortunately its about dc first and his solution whilst possible now although not great won't work long-term.. .but he would need to travel ..could you not travel half way...know many kids that had service station handovers

Especially if under peeds..

@averythinline

I can understand why he doesn't want to stay somewhere with no family/friends and limited jobs......

But unfortunately its about dc first and his solution whilst possible now although not great won't work long-term.. .but he would need to travel ..could you not travel half way...know many kids that had service station handovers

Especially if under peeds..

I understand why he doesn't want to stay here that's wasn't my issue, although as other posters have stated he's moving away from DS my issue is the contact, while in theory it might work but once I wrote it out on paper it wasnt practical. The main the cost of nursery I know I would still be paying for it but he would be using it! It's took him sooo long to settle in there as it is so to uproot him every other week wouldn't be fair on him' then if we have regular contact ie EWkd or EOWkd I could arrange alternate childcare and cut out my nursery costs completely. With peeds the hospital is obviously near me and we're still waiting for a letter confirming pre op and op which will take some recovery time and I know my x wouldn't be happy me saying no you can't have him for contact as he's recovering he wouldn't care about DS recovery only that I'm stopping him' as I'm writing I know how selfish that's sounds which is why I kno he doesn't have DS best interests at heart. Has refused to learn BSL or makaton to help DS understand saying when DS has his op he'll be able to hear then which isn't a gaurentee btw but also isn't confirmed when op is x

Also just to clarify on BSL as I know people will ask for his reasons etc,
His main reason is DS hasn't learnt many signs as of yet (we only learned the probs with his ears about 6/7m ago so had no idea he diddnt appear to be deaf/impaired)
So he sees it as point less and because he can speak a few words doesn't see it as an issue.
He's more development delay than speech as he's bound to have more issues with speaking
Also I have no proof only verbal as in messages were I've sent links to BSL he'll reply w I'll look at that later,

@averythinline

I can understand why he doesn't want to stay somewhere with no family/friends and limited jobs......

But unfortunately its about dc first and his solution whilst possible now although not great won't work long-term.. .but he would need to travel ..could you not travel half way...know many kids that had service station handovers

Especially if under peeds..

No, that is not acceptable or desirable, either.

I can also understand why the child's father doesn't want to stay somewhere with no family or friends and limited job prospects. However, his son's life is there. So is his son's primary carer. His son has more claim on him than the rest of his family, and if he wants to remain in his son's life, he's going to have to find ways to do this that are in the child's interests. Handovers at service stations don't fall into this category. The child in this case has been looked after exclusively by his mother, and nobody would say it was in the child's interests to be parcelled up and driven off to a strange place with a man who has not been actively involved in his care.

So in over two years he hasn't worked or made friends in the area?