What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

Some are amazing, some are twats, some are fine. Like any group of people!

I’m not in England, but in Scotland. It’s a very British thing to say “oh, we must meet up for coffee, lunch, dinner” but not do anything about it. If i am really keen on meeting up with someone I tend to arrange a time / date to meet up.

One of my best friends is polish. We talk everyday. And until covid met weekly.

We have property in Bulgaria, learnt some of the language. In all honesty I found it more difficult than my partner.

He has his own business and most of our clients are Eastern European. They come to us as we are friendly, greet them (badly) in their own language. Help them with their English if needs be. They are friendly back and we get gifts off them as they are so appreciative.

I think that most Eastern European's are hard working, family oriented, grateful.

Well people are different aren’t they so if I clicked with someone I wouldn’t give a shit. I’m a nanny so have mostly Finnish, Swedish and Italian nanny friends in my area of London. I did know a nanny from Romania but found her a bit intense, asking what I thought were quite personal questions too early on, instead of just building up a natural rapport, and it put me off, but maybe I’m just like that.

I’m quite reserved though in the way that I would probably not initiate just going for coffee or whatever, they are usually the ones to say, ‘coffee this week? When are you free?’ But that’s just the way I am.

I'm English and have some of the same problems you have! I can never work out if English people mean it when they say we should meet up/go for coffee some time. But people from most other places actually do mean it 😒

Hi OP. I was born here but my DM and family are all from an EE country. I don't know if that makes a difference!
Obviously people are all different but, speaking generally I'd say:
-re meeting for coffee: people say this a lot as an off hand remark and don't always mean it. If you want to actually meet up socially, you'd be better off suggesting something more concrete (eg suggesting a time/ place).

• I think people having pre existing social groups is pretty universal. I found this really hard moving from.one part of the UK to another, as a Brit. Do you have school.age children? It can be easier to make friends at the school gate (in my experience) or by joining in with the PTA or similar. It may be harder if you live somewhere small.

• people dropping you/ blinking you are just strange! Don't give it too much thought- it's not you, it's them.

I'm sorry that you're thinking of going home. I promise there are lots of friendly people here

A generalisation, but the ones I've come across through work and socially (mainly Polish but a few Latvians and Lithuanians) have all seemed to be decent people who want to live a life where they earn an honest wage and they make an effort with speaking English, even if they only speak a small amount, which I respect a lot.

Im a hardcore slavophile. Love going to eastern europe and I live with Polish people. Admittedly im not keen on the very male often right wing aspect that is often there but apart from that I really like them, you find some real gems amongst the people. I think you make really good parents as well.

I would say British people just mistake all eastern euros as being Polish, and there is a huge community of them here so they just expect you'll be happy to mix among them and not really want to poke their nose in.

I used to live in a town with a high population of Polish people and found them to be friend people in general, particularly women that worked at the hospital my mum worked at. My DH had a close Polish friend, he was brilliant. I found him a bit intimidating because he was very no nonsense and blunt but actually he was a very kind, loyal man.
I also had a neighbour from the Ukraine who was hands down one of the kindest people I've met. She was so generous, always wanting to share food and chat. I was embarrassed a lot of the time because her English was brilliant but sometimes I couldn't quite understand what she was saying with her strong accent and I didn't want to offend her or frustrate her but she never got cross. She did often feel judged by English people and like they were annoyed they couldn't always understand and that did make her reluctant to socialise

Oh and seriously good work ethic seems to be a fair generalisation.

Yes thats a really good pointBaskin, the guy I live with is sort of a mid 40s polish man, he can really be intimidating if you dont know him, can seem to get really angry about things (went mad at for spilling sugar on the side then falling asleep for example) but then the next minute be really funny and nice

*at me

My sister in law is Polish and completely lovely. I work with a woman from Serbia who is really obnoxious - but neither of those things have anything to do with where they were born!

Sounds like you have been unlucky in encountering lots of unfriendly Brits. I do think you are right though about people often already having a social circle and not wanting to add to it, and that's just one of those things unfortunately. I've found personally as I've got older and had a family I barely have time to even see my existing friends!

By the way though OP one of my husband’s colleagues is Polish and she was very firm in telling him that Poland is Central Europe and not Eastern Europe. She doesn’t think of herself as an Eastern European.

Often people from other cultures can come across as rude, loud, aggressive, arrogant or dismissive. Not just foreigners in the UK, but people from any background in a place that is foreign to them. It's because cultures are so different that what is normal and polite in one is rude or peculiar in another.

What often gets British people wound up is foreigners criticising the country whilst living and working there. If you don't like a country you don't have to live there, unless that's where you have citizenship and nobody else wants you.

The examples you cite of how English women treat you are not necessarily because you are eastern European - that's how outsiders are treated in many cultures, and by outsiders I include people who were born and raised two streets away but never met until recently.

As for the general dislike of eastern Europeans I think it occurs in some areas because there has been a sudden influx of people in a short space of time. When the floodgates were opened in the mid 2000s there was a huge migration to Britain, and certain areas have changed dramatically in a short space of time. There are towns in the Midlands where you rarely heard a foreign accent in the 1990s, but 20 years later it's often felt unusual when you hear a British one.

I'm British and live in an area with a lot of people from other European countries. DDs closest friends are from European countries and I get on with one mum really well, she's a bit shy but we clicked straight away and I think we could have been friends without our daughters, another we get on fine but she obviously stays in touch because of our daughters and I think she likes me but doesn't consider me a friend.

Its a bit of a British stereotype to say things we don't actually mean. I try not to do it but it's quite normal for us to say we must get together but then not do anything about it.

I think if people act vague around you or don't seem keen just drop them and move on to the next. You'll make friends as you go along.

OP, it isn’t you. Us natives get the same treatment! Reading this has made me realise how cold and rude we can be here in the UK. It’s really not nice.

@Mammylamb

I’m not in England, but in Scotland. It’s a very British thing to say “oh, we must meet up for coffee, lunch, dinner” but not do anything about it. If i am really keen on meeting up with someone I tend to arrange a time / date to meet up.

Yes definitely, I was going to say the same . I often say it as I’m at a loss for how to end the conversation as I’m very socially awkward sometimes ! I have had lovely polish friends from an old job but sadly we lost touch when they moved back . Agree with another poster , they’re like anyone else in the world .. some are rude , some are lovely and some are “meh”

(Scottish in Scotland so don't know if you want my opinion)

I dislike Eastern Europeans as much as I dislike other people 😂
I have no personal or specific dislike of any other race or country. None of my close friends are Eastern European, but that's just because they don't happen to be. I know and have known several acquaintances.
Unfortunately a lot of people in the UK are racist though, and don't like Eastern Europeans (hence Brexit )

I think you're asking the wrong question. This isn't about what people think of Eastern Europeans, its about your perception of British people.

For what its worth, I have always had a really high opinion of Eastern Europeans, and I think many other people do. I think they are seen to have integrated better than many other groups of recent immigrants.

I think the issue is that British people tend to be quite reserved in the way they approach people. And the "we must meet up thing" is part of that. British people tend to be over-polite and prioritise surface diplomacy over almost everything else. For an outsider its probably irritating and hard to understand. But its not directed at you and its nothing to do with where you come from. British people do this to British people too.

I'm as sure as I can be without having met you that this isn't to do with "you", its to do with the British culture.

Having said that, its reasonable to ask yourself whether you like this culture or want to remain here, particularly in a post-Brexit world where hostility to foreigners is likely to get worse.

Where in the UK do you live? I think that plays a part. Some areas are more accepting of different nationalities, others are more clicky.

Love them. Delighted to have them here. Especially when they cook things for me. Especially that creamy layered cake thing. Hoping to visit Ukraine in the next few years too.

It's not you, OP, it's the English!

Your description of the trouble you've had connecting with English people is just the same as English people moving to a new area describe. It really is just us being a bit weird, and not a reflection of anything peculiar to you.