What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

. This makes me laugh. Although I've moved away from where I went to school, I've had run-ins with several old school (foes?) over the years at various events or just randomly on training courses or in other unexpected places. People I actively didn't get on with at school and who were really quite unpleasant. But they've all grown up a bit now (as have I) and, listening to our polite chit-chat about what we've been up to, you'd never know we weren't the best of friends reminiscing about old times. The conversation always ends with a "It's been lovely to see you. Do let me know when you're next around and we should meet for coffee". Said safely in the knowledge that neither of us really mean it and, if we do meet, it probably won't be for years.

Hard working and honest.

No reason why I wouldn't be friends with you.

I don't think of them any different to an english person to be honest. My neighbours are Polish and are some of the kindest neighbours I have ever had. My daughters close friend is from a polish family, and we met up beefore lockdown and i hope I came accorss as friendly to her mum!!

I don't have one.
It's not really possible to have a single opinion on such a massive number of people.

By and large Eastern Europeans are smashing people. Nevertheless, as an archipelago of roughly 100,000 square miles with a population which has grown from 60m to 68m over the last 15-20 years, the UK desperately needs to introduce robust immigration controls, because of the impact of unrestrained population growth on housing supply, public service provision, and C2DE wages.

It's not you, it's them.

What you're describing is all classic British behaviour. It's how Brits behave towards each other too.

b) The undeniable fact that there is prejudice against Eastern Europeans in the UK, in a way that there isn't against some other nationalities. Not everybody, perhaps not most people, but enough that you're going to come up against it now and then and it hurts.*

I have to say I dispute this completely but respectfully.

I lived in Europe for many years and lots of my non-Brit friends said that they found Brits to be dishonest specifically because of the 'we must do coffee/drinks/dinner' thing. At the time I didn't recognise it but now having moved back here I see it happening so often. It's a combination of social awkwardness and not knowing how to end a conversation. I'm now seen as being very abrupt because when I leave somewhere I just go rather than hang around the doorstep for 20 minutes saying 'we ought to do xyz'
for you

Enormously generous (especially with food, drink and hospitality), fantastic work ethic, direct but warm, respectful and - most importantly - lots of fun.

My closest EE friends tell me they find it hard to open up to British people - they can never tell if they’re liked or just tolerated. The reason I made it through was because I was assumed to be of their heritage (I do have that ‘look’) and so they took a chance on me I’ll be forever grateful that they did.

In short, OP, I’m certain it’s not you - you sound lovely.

I know quite a few EE and one of them I would definitely consider a friend. However mostly they hang out with groups from the same country, and/other have family here and see only them. I get the impression they are happy to have set up a home from home, and wouldn't wish to intrude on their social lives. The ones that are keen to get out there and embrace the culture tend to have friends from every nationality including British friends.

Have you invited anyone to anything with a date and time?

Or are you relying on them to do all the inviting and organising?

While we are on the subject - one thing I did find, and it has always puzzled me, is that often Eastern/central Europeans seem to be quite down on people from their own nationality. So for example I was talking to a Romanian colleague who said "Oh you are English, I like that country but there are too many Romanians now". I had a newish Polish friend who understood why British people voted for Brexit because far too many Polish and Eastern europeans had been allowed to come over. I wondered if maybe it is because they suspect that I might have negative attitudes and were trying to signal that they were different. It was odd.
Don't get me wrong, I am sure that there are plenty of xenophobic English people out there as well, but I think that the not meeting for coffee is more likely to be a cultural thing.

I dont have an opinion on Eastern Europeans I don't know them all...

Of the ones I do know.

Some are wonderful
Some are so so
Some have been annoying
Some have been people I did not like
One was a close friend for many years.

None of them were the same

I have taught quite a lot of Eastern European students. I know that it's a certain kind of person who will make the decision to go to university in a different country, and one which has a different language, but I have found them without exception to be an absolute delight to teach and talk to. It breaks my heart that we are unlikely to have many more students from Eastern Europe in the future.

Agree with lots of the PPs about nuance and what different people mean by what they say/hear. If you google "what the British say and what Americans hear" that has the going for coffee thing as one of the examples.

Hi there, it seems like you have a lot of friends anyway, may I ask why you wish to have British friends too! I'm not trying to annoy you, I'm just asking?
Friends are friends are friends. I like people who like me and vice versa, and that's all there is to it

Probably my closest friend on a day-to-day level (as opposed to friends I’ve had since uni/school) is from Bulgaria. But then my other close friends are American and South African. I met all of them through work, and my industry is very international.

TBH, and I’m aware this probably sounds awful/prejudiced, I have an auditory processing disorder so the only background thing that would make it difficult for me to get close to someone would be a very thick accent (of any type).

A few things I have noticed that always make me laugh - my friend swears relentlessly and doesn't seem to realise that swearing in public is not seen as necessarily a good thing! She talks about penis and vagina and other bodily functions so openly I always blush a little on the inside. She will happily tell me in detail her son's penis issues.

There is an honesty, transparency and trust between us and many EE nations, that is genuine. I am yet to meet an EE that I didn't like!

Oh, also as far as this goes "even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally". I just wanted to say I can completely sympathise. It can be very hard, even if you speak a laguage fluently and have been living somewhere for years, to feel truly properly integrated into a place. I like were I live, but I still dont feel like I 100% "belong". And actually a lot of my closer friends are also immigrants to the country like me, I think it is easier to form close friendships with them because they are more likely to be in the same boat. I am here for the time being so trying to make roots where I can, but there is no shame in wanting to move back.

I’m in Scotland, have one good pal who is Czech and one who is Polish (both former colleagues). They’re both lovely and we get on well - and have the common ground of having worked together.

I’m sorry your experiences have been bad. I think Britain can be a pretty xenophobic place a lot of the time. It’s a sad facet of this nation.

As people have said, the coffee thing is a pleasantry. It’s just a way of ending a conversation, I see it as basically code for “well, nice talking to you but I must be going.”

And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person?

One of my best friends is Romanian, we lived together and I briefly dated her brother at uni. I used to work for a company where there were a lot of Polish guys working in the site team. Most of them were lovely and I got on well with them, some of them weren’t. Just like the English guys in the team.

What often gets British people wound up is foreigners criticising the country whilst living and working there. If you don't like a country you don't have to live there, unless that's where you have citizenship and nobody else wants you.

Yikes. As somebody from a country that was occupied by the British for a very long time, and now lives in England, this kind of attitude is effectively why a lot of people don't like the British.

If you look at your British history, you could kind of switch some of your words around and say "What often gets foreigners wound up is British people criticising their country while occupying it and oppressing their people. If you don't like a country, you don't have to occupy it, unless they actually want you there." [hint: they never did.] See also British immigrants (sorry, "expats") in other countries like Spain being bitchy about the "locals".

To the OP, I get what you're saying. Where I live there's a very international population because of the nature of the two biggest local employers. There are people on my street I can chat to for ages, and people who have literally never made eye contact with me in 12 years. To the point that recently, a neighbour of over 10 years asked me if I had recently bought my house??? She wasn't being a bitch, she genuinely didn't recognise me because she had simply avoided LOOKING at me as she had passed me on the street for over a decade. I'm hoping that was an extreme example!

I don't think they are (all) deliberately being unfriendly, I think that for a lot of British people it might be that their cultural reserve has them tied up in such knots that they feel it is over-familiar, even impertinent, to look at somebody, make eye contact and say "hello!" when they haven't been formally introduced by a third party.

Some people are impossible (as they are in my own country, or Poland, or Italy or wherever!) but sometimes if someone seems genuinely nice I will steamroller them into exchanging numbers and invite them out very concretely for a coffee at X time, at Y place. It's also important to follow that coffee up with a second invitation. One often isn't enough to break the ice! Once you have forced the issue like that you're either good to go, or if they genuinly think you're awful, they'll avoid you like the plague. But at least you tried!

I think you just have to be a bit pushy to sort out the people who honestly don't want to be friends, and the people who are probably lovely, but too reserved to make the first move.

I work with lots of Eastern Europeans. Some are lovely, some are not. Just like English people. I do find Eastern European women more authentic though, if they have a problem they say it. English women tend to talk behind backs or are abit more 2 faced. Before I get blasted this is my experience in my workplace.

One of my best friends is Czech. She has lived here for 15 years. She is funny, bubbly and great company. I don't see that she is Eastern European or any other nationality. She is just my very good friend.

When 'we must do coffee' doesn't turn in to actual coffee it's often a mixture of busyness/apathy/reticence/shyness on both parts rather than actual rudeness, ie someone has to make the first move, be proactive, suggest a time and date yourself

I'm from a regional part of the UK where it's normal to be quite direct. But I've noticed that lots of South East England people don't really like this. I love the E European tendency to directness, but I wonder if that's part of the problem? I struggle with this too.

I've noticed that class is really pronounced here and it matters loads. Where I'm from there's less inequality so there are less ways to subtly stratify each other. That must be a factor in how people select friends. Again, I feel a bit of an outsider as well.

I tend to make friends through structured activities or groups, as getting to know individual people seems hard.