AIBU or is it ever OK to give out to other people's children

[Babysharksmom]

OK so just to set the background I'm not really fond of SIL but she came to my house recently with another nephew. She proceeded to give out to my child as he 'wasn't sharing' a particular toy with other nephew. In fact he was but that's besides the point. She said 'Ds1 share with nephew "Fucked me right off and now I feel annoyed for not saying piss off and mind your own business and don't feel the need to discipline my child.

Is it OK to discipline another child in said child's parents presence?

What do I say if it happens again

You sound nice.

Give out?

Give out?

Give out?

Sorry I'm confused

Was she actually disciplining him and being rude or did she just say "share with nephew" as I think they are two different things

To answer the other question, no I would never discipline someone elses child

Takes a village till the village voices something, eh.

What she said wasn’t discipline and she wasn’t giving out. She was encouraging him to share.

@raspberryk

Give out?

Irish expression meaning to "tell off"

‘Give out’ means to tell off

You're Irish aren't you @Babysharksmom

If she had said ‘Connor, can you please share the toy and let Oscar have a turn’, then fine.
If she said ‘Connor, stop that at once and go to the naughty step’ then unless he had been actually hurting another child and the parent hadn’t seen it, then not fine.

Not ok to shout at someone else's child (except if they've done something really awful), but fine just to tell them to share.

What you describe isn't discipline. If asking a child to share is discipling them then everyone has taken leave of their senses.

Why would she say he was not sharing if he was?
Why would you not say anything if he was?

lots of people feel very strongly that you shouldn't discipline other peoples children ever.

I am in a minority that think its ok to guide another child to behave - but i wouldn't dish out consequences/tell off.

Youre dislike for her is clouding youre judgement.

Does "Give out" mean like to tell them off or give them in trouble?

I think it would depend on what she actually said or did to the child that was misbehaving. Like if my son wasn't sharing or something with my nephew then I wouldn't be offended if my sister raised her voice or whatever. Although I'd like to think I'd have noticed first and have dealt with it myself.

You say that your own child was sharing but maybe she wasn't aware or thought you were ignoring the situation so stepped in?

Sorta sounds like you might have more of a problem with your SIL, that's not really related to her telling your child off...

Off topic, what do you mean "another nephew"? Is she often coming around with her own, and regularly different nephews or does she have a bunch of her own sons but regularly only picks one to take out, like in a rota?

I also have no idea what giving out means. From the context I assume discipline or tell off.

She wasn't disciplining him. She was, as PP say, encouraging him to share.

You sound like you are being very precious. Your son should be able to respect and take basic polite instructions from an extended family member in your presence without it being a big drama. These might include: 'don't pour your own juice', or 'don't draw on the table'. Or 'you've had your turn, now it's Sally's turn'

If your son will only take instructions from you, and he sees you making an issue about instructions from others, then you are both going to be in for a miserable time when he goes to school.

It would irk me also. If I had thought my child needed to share than I would have told them. Also, some toys are not meant to shared. She wouldn't be coming to my home anymore. Although, she wouldn't have been at my house if I didn't like her. She could have arranged time with my husband to arrange a play date

You should never tell off or discipline anyone else’s child, it’s just rude.

She didn't give out to him

She didn't discipline him

Do you know what either of those words actually mean? Because it doesn't' sound like it.

Did she basically just say to your child to share? Hardly a drama....

Telling off someone else's child nowadays is a very touchy area - it used to be fairly routine and if you found out your child had been told off by someone else you'd give the child another telling off for embarrassing you!
I do wonder if this is a factor in the decline of children's' behaviour.

I'm not that old either!

I read 'give out' and though another one of MN's coded language that I don't understand, then was thrilled to see the comments below it who have no idea was give out means.

Anyways op am sure she meant no harm, and it probably didn't come out the way she may have intended. There's nothing wrong with saying it, but like you say ds was sharing to begin with, maybe she didn't see that and only saw when he wasn't. This has actually happened to me and I know how frustrating it can be, but your really going to argue about something so small seems pointless

Yabu

Chill. Kids have to learn that other adults may tell them off. It may or may not be justified. Life lesson. It’ll happen at school/ nursery. Was your DC bothered by the telling off or was it just you ?