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AIBU?

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Original poster

OBSESSION with Xmas

110 replies

ODFODXmas · 15/11/2020 15:14

I hate Xmas. I really do. I always have. I don’t have a single happy Xmas memory from childhood and a lot of unhappy things have happened at that time of year for me. I’d rather opt out of the entire thing, such is the dislike. I’m atheist, so don’t do any of the religious stuff. I quite like celebrating the winter solstice (an actual thing) and tend to follow the pagan celebrations with a tree and nice food. Don’t go overboard with presents or anything else. I’m more than happy for other people to love Xmas. I revel in the joy they have for it. I just don’t want to do it myself. A bit like running or eating kale.

The same doesn’t work in reverse though. Every year I’m made to feel like a pariah for not wanting to talk about Xmas from September, arrange various secret Santas in October, not wearing a Xmas jumper every Friday from August, not having Xmas bedding or tea towels or a 47 course Xmas dinner menu planned in February.

Were I jewish or Jehovah’s Witness it wouldn’t happen. There would be a religious/cultural understanding.

Why is it not just okay to not get involved? Why don’t they just leave me alone? I’ve asked enough bloody time. Xmas isn’t happy for everyone, just as not everyone likes sprouts. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(This is mainly colleagues and friends but also some family.)

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 15/11/2020 15:16

YANBU. I love Christmas, but I don't expect everyone to!

SimonJT · 15/11/2020 15:18

I don’t celebrate it either, I have a magic trump card, I’m not white so that means I generally avoid people forcing their xmas beliefs on me.

Gretchizilla · 15/11/2020 15:21

Do you have children? I think when you have children it brings something different to Christmas. I use to hate Christmas until I had my children and now I'm happy to say I love getting in the Christmas spirit.

JillofTrades · 15/11/2020 15:26

Yanbu. I too had a difficult and unhappy childhood and Christmas was a massive reminder of how bad mine was. I only started coming around to allowing myself to feel a bit happy when I met dh and then making it special for my ds slowly helped me feel normal about it.
But I get it op.

Original poster
ODFODXmas · 15/11/2020 15:27

@Gretchizilla

Do you have children? I think when you have children it brings something different to Christmas. I use to hate Christmas until I had my children and now I'm happy to say I love getting in the Christmas spirit.
I do.
OP posts:
myhobbyisouting · 15/11/2020 15:30

They should respect your decisions but won't - and I bloody love Christmas

Yorkshirelass04 · 15/11/2020 15:32

I'm in agreement. Xmas is mainly commercialism and a load of women's work.

There is an art to enjoying the season of winter though, and it can be pretty miserable if you can't find something to like about it.

NurseButtercup · 15/11/2020 15:33

The same doesn’t work in reverse though. Every year I’m made to feel like a pariah for not wanting to talk about Xmas from September, arrange various secret Santas in October, not wearing a Xmas jumper every Friday from August, not having Xmas bedding or tea towels or a 47 course Xmas dinner menu planned in February.

Um I think it's more how you respond - a firm no I don't celebrate Xmas thanks. And then walk away/ignore everybody else discussing it. You don't have to engage with any conversations to justify your stance.

But getting away from Xmas chatter is difficult because so many people derive a lot of joy from xmas. I do hope you're not scowling when others around you are discussing it?

Original poster
ODFODXmas · 15/11/2020 15:34

I love winter. I sit out all night for the solstice. There’s something magical about that for me.

But that’s not enough unless I’m dressed as a reindeer singing “Jingle Bells” and shoving mince pies in my face 24/7 from October.

OP posts:
Feministicon · 15/11/2020 15:35

YANBU, I just don’t get the need some people have to force festivities on to others.

Feministicon · 15/11/2020 15:36

‘I do hope you’re not scowling’ Is this Mallory Towers Grin

Original poster
ODFODXmas · 15/11/2020 15:36

@NurseButtercup

The same doesn’t work in reverse though. Every year I’m made to feel like a pariah for not wanting to talk about Xmas from September, arrange various secret Santas in October, not wearing a Xmas jumper every Friday from August, not having Xmas bedding or tea towels or a 47 course Xmas dinner menu planned in February.

Um I think it's more how you respond - a firm no I don't celebrate Xmas thanks. And then walk away/ignore everybody else discussing it. You don't have to engage with any conversations to justify your stance.

But getting away from Xmas chatter is difficult because so many people derive a lot of joy from xmas. I do hope you're not scowling when others around you are discussing it?

I get chided for not joining in on WhatsApp (as everyone shares pictures of their Xmas whatevers- for about 3 weeks now) or Teams meetings (which should be work focussed and not really “crackers before or after the meal” debates.

It’s CONSTANT. I’ve already had enough but it’s as though I’m not allowed to opt out as I’m constantly called out for it.

I thought they might calm down this year with Xmas parties etc off the table but if anything it’s worse.

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 15/11/2020 15:38

I hear you OP Flowers
Don't know what the answer is though, sorry x

VinylDetective · 15/11/2020 15:43

Were I jewish or Jehovah’s Witness it wouldn’t happen. There would be a religious/cultural understanding

There would be no understanding if you were a Jehovah’s Witness. My mum was one and it really pissed her off. I can vividly remember her saying “I hate old Christmas”.

Tunnocksmallow · 15/11/2020 15:45

I’m the same OP.
Most of the shitty things in my life have happened at Christmas.
I hate all the build up, all the expense, the planning, all of it.

Yes, I have children, I did make an effort for them, but they are grown up now. 2 have left home and youngest is 16, and alternates between here and her dad’s. If it was up to me, and I was on my own, I’d ignore the whole thing.
I also, work in retail so have to deal with not only the onslaught of jolly colleague and customers, but also the relentless 2+ months of bloody Christmas music
BAH BLOODY HUMBUG!!

BeyondMyWits · 15/11/2020 15:45

You are mixing in the wrong circles. Not discussed Christmaswith anyone yet except on here.

Bluntness100 · 15/11/2020 15:47

Very odd, so I’m not sure if You’re exaggerating but for all your colleagues and friends to be so obsessed. I don’t really know anyone who is. Who is asking you to wear a Xmas jumper in august for example?

It’s very odd.

Feministicon · 15/11/2020 15:49

@VinylDetective

Were I jewish or Jehovah’s Witness it wouldn’t happen. There would be a religious/cultural understanding

There would be no understanding if you were a Jehovah’s Witness. My mum was one and it really pissed her off. I can vividly remember her saying “I hate old Christmas”.

Did she not want you to be one too?
trappedsincesundaymorn · 15/11/2020 15:52

I'm with you OP. The forced jollity, the consumer greed and don't get me started on those ridiculous christmas jumpers.

nosswith · 15/11/2020 15:54

Family is a difficult one to have any easy answer for.

However, in a work context in extremis it could be considered harassment. I think that were it to be referred to in December, the season of Advent, then that would seem reasonable to me and probably to many others. If you are experiencing people who really do expect discussions about little else from October, the wearing of low-use clothes such as Christmas jumpers, then this is unreasonable. It seems that calling them 'saddos', telling them to 'get a life', or other ways of putting them off are failing, then perhaps you do need to be firmer.

Also are you 100% sure that they would respect a Jewish colleague or a Jehovah's Witness?

Somethingsnappy · 15/11/2020 15:59

Well, the timing of Christmas is based on the pagan winter solstice (most Christian religious celebrations are based on the pre-Christian/pagan festivals that mark the year), so just tell people you celebrate the 'old ways' Halloween Wink

CaptainCorellisPangolin · 15/11/2020 15:59

It is, really, a religious festival and, each year, I feel sorry for people like my mother and nan who both view it as a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus while the focus gradually shifts from that to 9 year old Oscar who wants a phone and a PS4 and new trainers and and and... who would probably look at you like you had two heads if you mentioned the birth of Jesus to him.
I'm not religious myself so don't really celebrate it but yanbu, it is hard to get away from.

Cocomarine · 15/11/2020 16:03

Are you perhaps a little over sensitive to all this?! Clearly, your workplace is not wearing Xmas jumpers every Friday from Aug to Dec. So it’s hard to know what your actual experience is.

I’m not overly bothered about Xmas. I have never experienced people going on about it endlessly. I think you just need to let it walk over you a bit more.

Cocomarine · 15/11/2020 16:03

*wash

Sparklingbrook · 15/11/2020 16:05

I actually found Christmas more stressful after the arrival of our DC. The expectation and pressure to produce a memory filled Christmas every year was exhausting. Trying to find the stuff on their Santa list and decorate the house.

Now they are 19 and 21 the pressure is off a bit. But I have to say I would rather not bother with any of it. Luckily I am not surrounded with people obsessed with Christmas.