OBSESSION with Xmas

[ODFODXmas]

I hate Xmas. I really do. I always have. I don’t have a single happy Xmas memory from childhood and a lot of unhappy things have happened at that time of year for me. I’d rather opt out of the entire thing, such is the dislike. I’m atheist, so don’t do any of the religious stuff. I quite like celebrating the winter solstice (an actual thing) and tend to follow the pagan celebrations with a tree and nice food. Don’t go overboard with presents or anything else. I’m more than happy for other people to love Xmas. I revel in the joy they have for it. I just don’t want to do it myself. A bit like running or eating kale.

The same doesn’t work in reverse though. Every year I’m made to feel like a pariah for not wanting to talk about Xmas from September, arrange various secret Santas in October, not wearing a Xmas jumper every Friday from August, not having Xmas bedding or tea towels or a 47 course Xmas dinner menu planned in February.

Were I jewish or Jehovah’s Witness it wouldn’t happen. There would be a religious/cultural understanding.

Why is it not just okay to not get involved? Why don’t they just leave me alone? I’ve asked enough bloody time. Xmas isn’t happy for everyone, just as not everyone likes sprouts. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(This is mainly colleagues and friends but also some family.)

My sympathies. I dislike Christmas. It was a case of conform with parents faith or be excluded from family time. Literally, I couldn't join in meals, gifts or get togethers if I didn't participate in religion.

I don't do Christmas and the enforced "It's just a bit of fun" x y z (Christmas jumper day; Christmas lunch at previous jobs) all of it feels so fake and is, to me, religious coercion. I'm no longer in touch with my family but it's like the whole of society can't let me just have a quiet month.

I’m with you OP. I had horrible Xmas childhood memories and I get anxiety about Xmas every year. I do make an effort because my kids love it but even that’s hard as non of my family include me in their plans.
They all post about their family Christmas and then call me Scrooge for not being enthusiastic! It’s ok not to like Xmas.
I too love solstice,Easter etc but Xmas can fuck off

@Somethingsnappy

Well, the timing of Christmas is based on the pagan winter solstice (most Christian religious celebrations are based on the pre-Christian/pagan festivals that mark the year), so just tell people you celebrate the 'old ways'

Oh, I do. I gently remind them how pretty much all of it was stolen (violently) from others. That we aren’t all the same and shouldn’t assume everyone likes or does the same thing. I don’t eat meat. They accept that. Nobody is nagging me to eat ham sandwiches or the chicken curry they’re eating.

I Invited them stargazing for the solstice. I’m never aggressive or grumpy. I just say no to things/don’t engage and get grief.

I would also be reluctant to join in Christmas gift planning and jumpers and other such nonsense way in advance of the season, and I think people who know us would agree we take the religious side of Christmas pretty seriously. I think there are two things I'm happy to do before December, one is preparing the fruit for my Christmas cakes (often doesn't happen till later though), the other is practising Christmas music. Opportunities for the latter are feeling very sparse this year, none of the three choirs I have been known to sing with are functioning at all.

It's the country's biggest cultural celebration. I think yabu to expect no one to discuss it in front of you - I'm assuming the zoom meetings aren't just you and one other person, but a group thing.

Idk, op. I quite like the food, presents, bit of light and fun in the middle of winter side of it but I dont know why for many it is a massive deal to the extent that they belittle and attack those who aren't into it.

I absolutely love Xmas BUT I do know how annoying it is to be made to feel like a pariah for not liking something everyone else loves.

I absolutely HATE summer!!! I hate every little thing about it from sunshine to being hot to BBQ's to sunburn to hours of pure boredom lying around a pool to squinting to sunglasses to longer hours of daylight to LITERALLY EVERYTHING!!!!!

I really don't go on about it (because why would I?) and would never stop the family having holidays or picnics or BBQs or any of the things that other (normal) people love because I don't, nor do I sit around with a face like a smacked bum, but it's like me being there and contributing isn't enough, they need me to LOVE IT!!!

I wish I could just stay at home with the curtains closed and emerge in the autumn in knee length boots and a gillet!!!!

Rant over.

On the reals though, paint a big, fat, fake smile on, OP. It's what the Muggles demand!!!!

I understand what you mean. As a result of family circumstances and various other things, Christmas is very difficult for me. I haven't looked forward to it in years, and would much prefer that it didn't happen at all.

I do know what the issue is though. It's the fact that I have to pretend to be happy and upbeat, as I spend a lot of time with family at that time. It's a false happiness that I have to put on, and I find it difficult and exhausting.

That's not to say I'm not a generally happy person - but I struggle to be happy at Christmas because of what I associate it with.

And this year I'm getting even more stressed about it because my parents are determined to have us all together whether it's in the rules or not, and I'm not going to be a part of rule breaking, and it's going to cause major issues for us.

I also hate Xmas.

But love Christmas.

Xmas is a horrible word.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

It's the country's biggest cultural celebration. I think yabu to expect no one to discuss it in front of you - I'm assuming the zoom meetings aren't just you and one other person, but a group thing.

I understand that. I’m not suggesting nobody discuss it. . I’m suggesting they should stop trying to press gang me into joining in with it.

But that’s not enough unless I’m dressed as a reindeer singing “Jingle Bells” and shoving mince pies in my face 24/7 from October.

You associate with some strange people if that is what you expect. Most people I know are happy to leave everything until mid November at the earliest.

@MrsDThomas

I also hate Xmas.

But love Christmas.

Xmas is a horrible word.

Why?

Whatever it is you are describing you refuse to do, it isn't Christmas anyway...

It's absolutely up to you if you want to do it all, parts or none. Just say "not, thank you. I don't celebrate Christmas, I do solstice" and that's it.

Yanbu. I hate it too. Happy to buy presents and enjoy the thought they will make them receiver happy. But that's it

It's just another day to me. Can't see the fuss

@Gretchizilla

Do you have children? I think when you have children it brings something different to Christmas. I use to hate Christmas until I had my children and now I'm happy to say I love getting in the Christmas spirit.

So patronising. I love Christmas and don't have children. Your post comes across as if people without kids are lacking.

I think it's the people you mix with. Or a lot of exaggeration.

I quite like Christmas and will feel jolly about it from early December maybe. Not one single person I know has mentioned it so far - and there's definitely been nothing at work about it. No idea who is expecting you to engage with it so early.

@Plussizejumpsuit we are apparently in many things (based on many conversation). But at least we have a lie in on Christmas day😂 🖐️

"arrange various secret Santas in October, not wearing a Xmas jumper every Friday from August, not having Xmas bedding or tea towels or a 47 course Xmas dinner menu planned in February."

This must be a HUGE exaggeration.

"So patronising. I love Christmas and don't have children. Your post comes across as if people without kids are lacking."

I don't have children and I agree. It's much less fun with no children in the family. I still appreciate it for the time off work and the chance to see family and old friends. Now there is finally a child in the family, but it doesn't look like I will get to see them this Christmas :(

I’d screenshot the WhatsApp messages but it’s a big group and I don’t know if any of them are on here. Lots of mums, so it’s possible.

I feel you, OP. I like some aspects of Christmas but we are very low key about it. But some people at work insist that everyone should be joining in their organised festivities and tbh i find it utterly tedious. I do my best to show team spirit and put a good face on its but if you express anything less than wholehearted enthusiasm, you’re the Grinch. There’s no room for a different point of view. And (possibly being a bit of a Grinch now...) some members of my wider team must have far too much time on their hands, given the amount they seem to be able to spare on organising jolly Christmas team japes and badgering us to join in.

I would have thought that your colleagues would have got the message that you hate Christmas. I wouldn't try to force someone to join in something I knew they disliked, it would be too much hard work anyway.

I enjoy Christmas which for me is a couple of weeks before and I enjoy the Christmas period Christmas Eve to New Years .
I do agree with the op of starting earlier and earlier that annoys me , secret Santa is not fun and Christmas party's can be a bit crap too . I never enjoyed the Christmas markets anyway overpriced tat and over crowded.
But I enjoy all the other stuff advent calendars , presents,the nice food and drink and watching Christmas films ,
Yanbu to not enjoy that not everyone enjoys the same things .

@Plussizejumpsuit I agree, I'm childfree and love Christmas. I look forward to it all year and start planning the next Christmas the day after boxing day, its my favourite day of the year. People often tell me I shouldn't bother celebrating, I'm childish and I'm selfish for my love of Christmas but I don't care I still love it.

I feel for the OP though, many people don't like it and are forced into celebrations especially at work. I worked with a woman who tried to have as much of her annual leave as possible in December to avoid Christmas meals, secret santa, Christmas jumper day, home baked mince pies being brought in etc because she hated Christmas.

tell them at work you celebrate xmas on the 6th January, so it's far too early for you to think about. By the time 6th January comes round they'll be so fed up of it all they won't mention it.