Help - I’m failing my baby and need a kick up the bum

[rubbishmum33]

I have a 7 month old baby and started weaning him about 4 weeks ago. I was determined to give him the healthiest start with food after not BFing (I had a horrendous birth and just couldn’t) but I’m really failing.

So far all he’s had are single bits of fruit (strawberry, watermelon, banana, pear) and sticks of veg (broccoli, carrot, cauliflower, butternut squash). He also had toast with Philadelphia but it seemed very dry for him.

He loves grabbing the food and putting it in his mouth, but has barely swallowed a thing since we’ve started - it all goes on the floor. I tried spoon feeding but he prefers to do it himself.

Since starting I’ve had about 10 days where I’ve given him no food at all (apart from milk obviously) because I just could not face the mess.

I’m a hopeless cook and suddenly feel I need to be making all these meals for my baby. I tried pancakes the other day but messed up somehow and they stuck to the pan, so I had to throw them away.

Water is also not going well - we have a Doidy cup and he ends up drenched in water, even with me holding it - which just adds to the mess.

I’m so worried I’m screwing this up by failing to feed him every day and only giving him single sticks of fruit and veg. He’s also still on one meal and I know I should probably have moved to two by now.

Does anyone have any advice?

I also swore I’d take him to lots of classes and social activities (there are still some taking place where I am) but have done none. I did try a couple but have social anxiety and I really struggled. I don’t want DS to grow up with social anxiety like I have - it’s held me back in so many ways.

For the first couple of months they’re just trying out foods, sounds like you’re giving him a nice variety. Remember their stomachs are tiny, about the equivalent of their palm. I gave both of mine porridge in the morning which they loved.
Your worry about the mess is a red flag though, learning to eat is messy. Try to get a solution to this, plastic mat on the floor? Also it’s important to let your child get a bit messy/sticky etc.

1- you ARE not failing him!!! Stop that thought please.
2 - not sure exactly what the problem is, it sounds very like any weaning journey. Messy and wasteful but fun and educational also!
3 - there is no should about weaning, move at his pace. There are a few should nots: not too much salt, sugar and no honey before one are a few.
4 - Doidy cup, let him hold it himself so he can learn not to tip water down himself. But he can only learn not to by actually doing it a couple of times!

What do you eat, OP? As long as it's not full of salt or seasoning, could you give him a bit of your food rather than cooking separately for him? If you're feeling daunted, it's ok to use prepared baby food (eg Ella's kitchen) sometimes.

As for the mess, the best advice I can give you is to embrace the mess! There's no getting away from the fact that it will be messy. Can you buy a plastic mat to put on the floor underneath the high chair? Then you pick it up after the meal and shake the mess straight into the bin.

Don't stress. My 11 month old has only just started to hold food himself and put it in his mouth. He was only spoon fed by me and cried and screamed if I tried to get him to do it. All these other babies eating gourmet meals is unrealistic for some. I ended up doing a mixture of home made puree and shop bought pouches. It's depressing but it does improve. Start introducing breakfast. It is easy. Lightly toasted bread with unsalted butter and banana. Or Weetabix with full fat milk and fruit. Go for easy options. You don't need to make any more difficult than that but you do need to give him food. Good luck. It does improve I promise! I have agonised over it myself for months and my DS is finally getting it.

Sounds like you’re doing absolutely perfectly. Ps. Took mine until 16 months to get to grips with a doidy cup - do yourself a favour and use a normal beaker and try that again later.

Honestly love, food is fun until they're one. You've 5 months to get this done, and even then it's hit and miss some days.
Just keep giving him sticks of food, anything really, the excitement is trying new tastes and textures, he doesn't need any nutrition from it.

If you're comparing yourself to other mothers then just stop.

I remember with DC 1 making all these organic purees that cost a fortune and turned the kitchen into a war zone, with DC 2 I just threw him a bit of whatever we were having... Dc2 is by far the better eater.

You could try bits of pitta, boiled eggs, strips of meat, bits of cheese, fruit / veg. You really, really don't need to be cooking special meals for your baby.

You're not rubbish, that's the first thing!

Don't worry about the water. I only offer it to my 7 month old occasionally now because I know it'll take a while before she just soaks herself
My older one was at least a year before she got the hang of this.

In terms of mess, yup, it's messy, but maybe think of ways to mitigate it. I have a little box on the table. Table wipes, floor wipes and baby wipes. They do enough of a clean up and then I do a proper clean (especially if the floor) when I've got time.

Remember food before 1 is just for fun. All babies are different. Even my 2 children easy vastly different amounts. My brother has 10 month old twins and they eat vastly different amounts too.

Don't beat yourself up. Also maybe give a HV a call for some tips/ ideas

Ignore all the posed shit you see on social media.

You're doing fine and your food choices are fine.

It is messy though, can't escape that 😂

Also I have used a sippy cup. He will drink with it. Is it ideal, no. But is drinking necessary, yes. He is starting to use a cup again (he did at six months and stopped at 7). Babies are peculiar beings.

Do 2-3 meals and some snacks.

Chopped up banana,
Cheese on toast
Poached chicken with potatoes and carrots

You’re not failing him at all but get a little plan and do a shop, that way you’ll feel prepared. Also, know that they will leave about 50% of if and a ton will go on the floor. It’s been years since I weaned mine and it’s not the most fun job in the world.
Don’t worry about baby classes; do you take him to the park?

Also I echo the advice to get a plastic mat, saved my sanity. Oilcloth tablecloth in a colour or print that matches your kitchen in a square and just let the mess go as much as you can.

He is only 7 months.
Milk is his main food until 12 months.
All he needs now is little tastes of different things.
You are doing fine.
As long as he has you, cuddles and chat, fresh air and enough sleep that is great.
Lockdown is hard on everyone with new babies. A few people in my friend/ family circle have had babies. They are all doing well and they seem to enjoy zoom chats, recognise faces, wave and smile.
Try not to worry.

Doidy cup, let him hold it himself so he can learn not to tip water down himself. But he can only learn not to by actually doing it a couple of times!

The thing is though I’m not sure DS even realizes it’s a bad thing to tip water over himself. I just can’t see how he will ever learn this when he’s too young to communicate with and explain.

I just wonder why he’s barely swallowing anything - is this normal? And feel so guilty for missing meals altogether on some days.

You need to take the pressure off yourself. Steamed veg and slices of soft or lightly cooked food are great at this age. If he's feeding himself then unfortunately mess is inevitable. Soft toast or bread is perfect. If there are no allergies in your family then try peanut butter. Strips of soft omelette work well too. Also allow yourself to buy a few things too.

For the drinking we used a Tommee Tippee free flow spout cup. They can still tip some out but way less mess than an open cup. That's what they used at nursery too. DD is nearly 2 and she can now use an open top beaker without an issue.

Don't worry about the baby groups either. They're as much for you as the babies when they are tiny. Toddler groups will be different and you've got plenty of time to decide on stuff like that.

Try munchkin 360 cups. They're good for avoiding spilling.

What kind of meals do you have? I used to give dd beans and scrambled eggs quite a lot at that age and had the plate on the table out of reach and added it to her tray a bit at a time so not too much went on the floor and it also helped with cooling.
I changed how I cut veg so all my meals were as sticks - curry, pasta sauce etc and just put a few blobs on the tray at a time. I made chips and naan with curry instead of rice for a while. If I made rice I made risotto which sticks together.

If I had something quick which wasn't suitable I warmed an Ella pouch and gave her bread to dip in. I used bread rolls that don't go too squishy and cut them into strips.

They don't eat a huge amount at that age I found a lot went in the hair. You're not failing just keep giving bits.

With regards to the mess, what kind of high chair do you have? We bought an expensive one that is a nightmare to clean and my partner and I have had arguments over whose turn it is to do clean up. My mum has the one from IKEA at her house which costs about £12 and is SO easy to clean. Maybe simply switching to that would make the mess easier to cope with for you?

Agree with all the advice here. He’s not reliant on this food for nutrition, it’s just about getting used to it.

I’d give up on the Doidy cup if I were you. I don’t see the point at that age when their co-ordination is so bad.

Classes are not really for them at that age but could be a lifeline for you even if you need to push past the anxiety. I was too anxious for classes until after DS was 1 and I wished I started earlier to make friends. But please don't guilt yourself feeling you're failing your baby because at that age all they need is you.

Have you tried purees? I did a mix of puree and baby led weaning and purees were tidier when I just couldn't cope with a mess. I would make a huge batch and freeze them so I wasn't cooking every day too. Also I found a 360 cup was great, it isn't quite like a real cup but it's close and stops the mess!

You sound like you're carrying a lot of guilt from not BF. I was the same and the guilt dragged me down for the first 9 months at least of DS's life. I ended up doing some CBT privately and it helped me change my thinking and not blame myself so much.

You clearly care so much for your baby and that makes you a great mum! Remember you need to take just as much care of you too!

Sounds like you're doing well OP, I found weaning frustrating and pretty teedious in honesty hah. I would personally get a 360 cup as a transition between bottle and cup, and in terms of food, as long as you aren't eating really salty stuff, give him bits of yours with maybe additional veg. Then the prep isn't wasted as you'll be eating it anyway, and it saves time. Some of the pouches aren't bad if that'd make life easier (look for the ones without loads of fruit thus sugars added).

I really don't think you are failing! This sounds very normal. I was so apprehensive with food for my DD but just did a mixture of things and tried different foods knowing she would be having milk as a back up so if she didn't actually eat a lot it was ok. I soon found out her favourite things.
There is so much pressure on mums to hand make everything- please don't fall into this trap, I drove myself mad about pouches etc but it worked well using a bit of both.
My DD is 21 months and we still have good and bad days with food. She is hungry in the mornings and can eat an adult size breakfast but by tea time she's more of a snacker so we now do main meal at lunch when possible. My point is all children are different and it will fall into place soon enough!

Give up on the doidy cup. Mine poured water from the free flow ones until about 18 months.

Get some pouches in and try them. It won't do him any harm at all.

OP this is SO normal! It's exactly what weaning is really like, especially at 7 months. Honestly it's why I switched to puree with my first and fed her that way - it seemed so wasteful to be giving her food she was just chucking on the floor. My second I did a lot more finger foods but even he has had days of puree meals, especially when we've been out or I've not had the time/energy to cope with the mess. Try not to stress! Just let your baby explore different tastes/textures, give him bits of what you are having and persevere with the cup - he will eventually get it.

I remember a mantra ‘ food is for fun until one’. Don’t stress about it, carry on with formula (not the ‘carry on’ milk but the proper baby milk). He won’t be eating full regular meals everyday for months if not years. Even at nearly 4 my DC would go for days without eating anything substantial and then eat loads for the next week or so. You’ve done well to get through the first 7 months in lockdown, the last year must have been the most difficult time to have a new baby. Don’t worry about the baby groups if you don’t like them. They’re mostly for the adults but the babies.

Op you appear more concerned about the mess than the baby.

Babies are messy, that’s how they learn. I know a few parents who constancy fuss over the baby making a mess and it makes the baby anxious over eating. It takes away the pleasure.

They then become picky eaters and worried about mess making.

You have to let him try. Let him eat what you eat. You don’t have to prepare special meals.