Help - I’m failing my baby and need a kick up the bum

[rubbishmum33]

I have a 7 month old baby and started weaning him about 4 weeks ago. I was determined to give him the healthiest start with food after not BFing (I had a horrendous birth and just couldn’t) but I’m really failing.

So far all he’s had are single bits of fruit (strawberry, watermelon, banana, pear) and sticks of veg (broccoli, carrot, cauliflower, butternut squash). He also had toast with Philadelphia but it seemed very dry for him.

He loves grabbing the food and putting it in his mouth, but has barely swallowed a thing since we’ve started - it all goes on the floor. I tried spoon feeding but he prefers to do it himself.

Since starting I’ve had about 10 days where I’ve given him no food at all (apart from milk obviously) because I just could not face the mess.

I’m a hopeless cook and suddenly feel I need to be making all these meals for my baby. I tried pancakes the other day but messed up somehow and they stuck to the pan, so I had to throw them away.

Water is also not going well - we have a Doidy cup and he ends up drenched in water, even with me holding it - which just adds to the mess.

I’m so worried I’m screwing this up by failing to feed him every day and only giving him single sticks of fruit and veg. He’s also still on one meal and I know I should probably have moved to two by now.

Does anyone have any advice?

Please don’t worry OP- I went through very similar- breastfeeding went wrong at 9 weeks because of nursing strike, then DS refused to eat solids at six months!

He’d had oral antibiotics in his mouth which tasted vile and meant he wouldn’t take anything off a spoon or finger food!

After six weeks he’d upped his bottles of formula to seven in 24 hours but still wouldn’t eat! I was so worried. My DM said to try him on Ella’s Kitchen fruit pouches - and it worked.

I got some on the side of a spoon (rather than pushing the whole thing at him) and rubbed it on his lips. Peaches, pears and baby rice. He loved it.

He then ate those and the veg ones for a few weeks, but I kept offering finger foods all the time. We then introduced porridge - with the fruit pouch mixed in. Slowly we decreased the amount of fruit pouch and increased the amount of porridge. It worked.

Did the same with lunches - lentil daal etc with a veg pouch mixed in, over the days reducing the amount of pouch mixed in.

Dinner the same- cottage pie etc with pouch mixed in, slowly reduce the amount.

It WILL happen, I promise. I was tearing my hair out. I now have a 19 month old DS who eats everything - he’s had porridge for breakfast, banana for snack and mild chilli, rice, sour cream and cheese for lunch. He eats roasts, fish pie, pasta, you name it.

The trick is not to get stressed, never to force him, keep it fun, light and a smile on your face. Offer lots of fruit, veg and bread finger foods at every meal.

I was worried if I offered fruit pouches he’d never want green veg, but that’s not been the case at all. Just keep going and it will happen.

You will need to learn to cook basic family meals (as will DH). See if you can get a copy of Delia Smith’s How to Cook or The Complete Cookery Course online. BBC Great British Budget menu website has good recipes too. The key to things not sticking in the pan is a teaspoon of sunflower oil swirled all round the pan.

Good luck OP, you’ll be fine.

Weaning is a tough stage. I agree with whoever it said to get a v simple, easy to clean high chair like the ikea one. It is a messy stage but a necessary one - and it doesn’t last forever. You don’t have to cook elaborate meals.

I used to cook a batch of something on a day I had help (eg partner home) then freeze in portions and microwave to heat through on days I was tired and didn’t feel like cooking.

A slow cooker was a god-send. No cooking skill required - throw in the ingredients during the morning nap, set on “low” and let it cook all day - tea is ready without any fuss later on in the day when you’re tired. Ideas:

Mince, chopped onion, grated carrot, grated mushrooms, can of tomatoes and a low salt stock cube - you’ve got a bolognaise

Chicken breasts - leave to cook and shred them up when they’re done. They go very soft and easy for little fingers to eat.

Any random veg chopped up, can of lentils, can of tomatoes, handful of rice and some water - soup!

Beef chunks, onions, carrots, cubed potato, low salt stock cube and splash of water - beef stew!

Also canned food is easy and can be nutritious - my baby loved canned sardines / mackerel. They do have salt in though so just one fillet from the tin was enough for her lunch or tea, with something simple like some potato I’d just chopped up and cooked in the oven, and some cucumber.

I used to also make a big pan of mash potato and mix in different things, eg some cooked fish, lentils, cheese, frozen spinach, bits of leftover meat etc. Just simple things.

First, take a breath. You care. You're therefore not failing as you're trying your best and looking for ways to improve. How could he want more than a mummy who cares so much she does that? Second, this is what happens with BLW. It can be stressful if baby doesn't seem to be eating but he is getting milk and at this age most of his nutrients will still be from that so don't panic - as long as he is drinking enough milk he will be fine. Same as with water. If you really want to, you could do what I did and have a combination or puree and finger foods for the first couple of months to get some new things into him but also have him explore foods himself. I appreciate that isnt BLW but I found it a compromise that worked for me.

No.1 Grab a copy of the Baby Led Weaning Cookbook
No2. Remember food before one is just for fun (I know someone else has said this but it is SO true)
No. 3 Embrace the mess- every time your baby throws water over himself or just squishes food and doesn’t eat, it’s a sensory experience that’s helping his brain and motor skills development
Hope that helps, my NCT group all stressed about the food at first! It’s all ok, baby shouldn’t ‘Be’ on any set amount of meals per day until 10/11ish months

It is totally fine!

My third baby wouldn’t even try anything till he was 7 months, and then he just got a little of whatever we were eating on his high chair tray. Don’t sweat it. He’ll get the hang of it at some point.

Get a drop cloth for the floor, crank the heating up so you can feed him in just a nappy and be prepared for lots of baths!

@Snowpaw great ideas, thank you. The mashed potato idea sounds very doable to me.

I've screwed up again today - I'm cooking a basic chicken and veg casserole which I was hoping to give to DS, but forgot to defrost the meat overnight. I got it out this morning but it's still only half defrosted, which means we won't be having dinner until 7ish (DS's bedtime). I need to get way more organised!!

Cook veg soft veg

Buy pouches and jars - huge range of flavours and textures and it makes life easier.

You're being way too hard on yourself here, which is the main problem, it's why you're constantly feeling like a failure - which you're absolutely not by the way! Weaning is hard work, and messy business, I absolutely hated it with a passion!!!

I felt exactly like you did, and lost so much sleep over it, my first piece of advice is to go onto your social media if you have it, and unfollow and baby weaning pages, they made me feel absolutely shit about myself!! Secondly, meal plan - and search for any hacks that make your life a million time easier, I used to use the frozen white fish fillets for my little girl, and you either oven baked them or poached them in milk, they were a winner just with some frozen peas and sweetcorn and sat in the freezer so that if anything went wrong with our tea I wouldn't have to worry about her eating and we would just sort ourselves out later (takeaway 🤣) We were gifted a bibado, which has been a lifesaver where mess is concerned! I'm understand they're not cheap but if you can I would definitely invest in one of those.

Oh, and you're probably doing an absolutely brilliant job without realising so don't be so rough on yourself

And yes I agree with @Parker231get some pouches/jars and some of the snacks from the baby aisle of the supermarket!!!

Re the casserole, can’t you stick some in the fridge to give him tomorrow?

A bit of meatless casserole today is fine, then like pp suggested, pop some meat in tomorrow. Can you batch freeze a bit? In silicon muffin moulds or ice cube trays?

It can be a bit overwhelming can’t it. I really recommend what mummy makes cookbook she is also on Instagram. Easy recipes pick one you like the look of and both have it that way you are only cooking once. I wish I had it with my first he is terribly fussy my second is so much better and it’s a lot less stress making something if I’m eating it to I’m not as bothered if she chucks it it doesn’t feel such a waste of time. I remember getting so disheartened with my first when I’d make something specially for him and he wouldn’t touch it. Sound like your little one likes to try though so don’t worry if they spit it out trying is very good.

My dc are adults now and I'd never heard of a doidy cup until this thread. What a ridiculous idea.

[quote rubbishmum33]@Snowpaw great ideas, thank you. The mashed potato idea sounds very doable to me.

I've screwed up again today - I'm cooking a basic chicken and veg casserole which I was hoping to give to DS, but forgot to defrost the meat overnight. I got it out this morning but it's still only half defrosted, which means we won't be having dinner until 7ish (DS's bedtime). I need to get way more organised!![/quote]
And this is why you need a stash of pouches and rice cakes in the cupboard!

Tomorrow’s another day and you’ll have plenty of leftovers to try then.

It's not safe to reheat chicken is it? But I could give him some of the veg.

I started my boys using shot glasses, they're the perfect size and aren't used for anything interesting these days.

I don’t know about that but you could give him a little bit of the meat cold and only reheat the veg.

My dc are adults now and I'd never heard of a doidy cup until this thread. What a ridiculous idea.

Doidy cups were around in the 1950s; I only know because I had one! I read about them in mumsnet and thought Doidy must just be a trademark so was astonished to see they were basically the same cup in a slightly upgraded plastic now marketed as an aid to drinking from a proper cup. It’s almost as if 2 generations brought up on sippy cups are unable to do that!

@rubbishmum33

It's not safe to reheat chicken is it? But I could give him some of the veg.

As far as I know you can reheat chicken - same as anything though just reheat til piping hot through and leave to cool before you feed it to your baby.

Yeah ditch the doidy cup. Both of mine had the super basic tommee tippee free flow cup. They will still pour it out, but at least it goes more slowly!

Ive done a mix of purée and finger foods. Usually she has something like steamed broccoli floret to hold while I spoon in mashed veg or thick blended soup.

I'm on my second and still not confident with giving meat to babies so I buy pouches sometimes to give her the taste of it. The Ellas and supermarket own Bolognese or chicken dinner or whatever seem fine.

I've just Googled Doidy cup and it sounds like madness, for a 7mth old a sippy cup is fine, put the other one away until he's older and wants to start using a proper cup like a bog boy.
You've had lots of good advice here, I second Weetabix, toast with various spreads and yoghurt. I used a lot of Ella's Kitchen pouches with my 2nd and it's done him no harm.
It's sad for kids who are just getting mobile now we're in lock down but I never went to a baby group in my life, I don't like socialising either! My eldest was in a forward facing sling from about 6mths and I'd put her in it doing a supermarket shop, or I'd drive to a big park and put her in it to have a look round. I'd also take her to one of the big, busy playgrounds nearby and just carry her around looking about, it sounds nuts but she would have a little go on the swing and just generally have a look about at all the activity and colours, I'd let her crawl about once she was able in a quieter bit. I don't know whether it did her any good but I would walk her there in her pram, carry her about looking round for 20 or so minutes and then walk her round the rest of the park or walk the long way home and that'd be her long nap. It was our little routine that got her plenty of fresh air, exercise for me and often 20mins to sit on a bench and MN before coming home!

This is exactly what's supposed to happen. The first month or so are to teach them what food looks and feels like. They'll still get a lot of their nutrition from milk at that age .Don't worry you're doing fine.

Nothing at all wrong with Ellas pouches