Help - I’m failing my baby and need a kick up the bum

[rubbishmum33]

I have a 7 month old baby and started weaning him about 4 weeks ago. I was determined to give him the healthiest start with food after not BFing (I had a horrendous birth and just couldn’t) but I’m really failing.

So far all he’s had are single bits of fruit (strawberry, watermelon, banana, pear) and sticks of veg (broccoli, carrot, cauliflower, butternut squash). He also had toast with Philadelphia but it seemed very dry for him.

He loves grabbing the food and putting it in his mouth, but has barely swallowed a thing since we’ve started - it all goes on the floor. I tried spoon feeding but he prefers to do it himself.

Since starting I’ve had about 10 days where I’ve given him no food at all (apart from milk obviously) because I just could not face the mess.

I’m a hopeless cook and suddenly feel I need to be making all these meals for my baby. I tried pancakes the other day but messed up somehow and they stuck to the pan, so I had to throw them away.

Water is also not going well - we have a Doidy cup and he ends up drenched in water, even with me holding it - which just adds to the mess.

I’m so worried I’m screwing this up by failing to feed him every day and only giving him single sticks of fruit and veg. He’s also still on one meal and I know I should probably have moved to two by now.

Does anyone have any advice?

I hated weaning soooooo much. DS would pick up food. Take a bite. Spit it out. Throw it. I felt like I spent all day in the kitchen either making food or cleaning it up. It all felt like such a big stress and such a waste of time.

At some point I realised that serving 3 meals a day was a waste of everyone's time and a waste of food. I scaled back to breakfast and then either lunch or dinner.

He ended up not really eating anything until way past his first birthday. He's grown up to be a healthy chap. Rarely ill. Happy. Sporty.

Don't get hung up on volume of food. Just let him explore tastes and textures. And offer fewer meals until he can get the hang of it.

You’re doing really well OP, weaning is a very trying and overwhelming time but it does get easier and less messy!! 7 months is still really early days and as others have said, milk is still the main source of nutrition at this point. Haven’t read the full thread, but have you looked at any weaning books for ideas? The joe wicks one is good and really easy to follow. Equally pouches and jars are also fine if you can’t face the mess of making stuff!

My 2yo has had a doidy cup since he was 6m and he still gets it everywhere! We alternate with the tommee tippee sippy cups when I can't face the mess. I think they do just click for some babies but thet certainly never did for us.

When DD was weaning we only gave tiny amounts at a time. So half a dozen peas crushed with a fork, a spoonful of porridge etc. That limited the mess. I don't know what a doidy cup is but we used a lidded cup with free flow holes until DD was a bit bigger and could hold a cup by herself without it falling over. She is nearly 8 and drinks perfectly. A lot of the recommendations will be from the companies themselves, remember, trying to push products on us that we don't need.

Do what works for you.

Weaning isn't an instant jump to full meals plus a drink. It doesn't even need to be structured into breakfast/lunch/dinner as such. Just pass a little bit of whatever you have to them while you are eating. Squishing it in their hands/on their face is all part of them learning textures as well as putting it in their mouth for the taste.

You're doing great, OP.

Be kind to yourself OP, you sound so caring and like you are doing the best you can - and your best will vary from day to day! Neither of my children liked food at first - I'd say they were about 10 months old before they started actually eating anything rather than just gnawing/drooling it out again... It's so disheartening, especially if you've made something special for them!

I've never used a doidy cup - I had to Google them - they look like a nightmare! I recommend the munchkin 360 cups - much harder to spill and I found the children graduated to open cups quite happily from them.

Give yourself a break.

I faffed around with baby led weaning and doidy cups with my first.

2nd & 3rd had tommee tippee sippy cups
Heinz baby porridge
Rice cakes & baby crisps
Ellas pouches (or cheap Aldi versions!)
Jars of Cow & Gate
Any suitable bits of fruit, veg, pasta, toast as finger foods

By 12 months they were feeding themselves family meals.
They are good eaters and will eat anything.
Beautiful teeth and a healthy weight.

Weaning feels like a massive thing with your first, but honestly it’s just getting some food into your child. Doesn’t hugely matter how or how much.

I never allowed or encouraged lots of mess or playing with/throwing food either!

Take the pressure off yourself. Seriously I used to really stress about feeding and I've got a couple of six footers, one of which only ate cheese, bananas and bread until he was about three. He's known at uni for his varied and sophisticated cooking now. Your baby will be fine if he doesn't eat a range of stuff yet or eat solid food every day.

I know it's hard but try and relax. He will start to try more things at his own pace, when he's ready. My really fussy eater started when he would try little things off my plate when we ate lunch together. But I learnt to stop stressing after crying because he wouldn't try the chicken casserole I'd just made.

You're doing a great job and you need to tell yourself that every day.

You dont need to give an open cup at that age. Just let them play with/drink from the doidy cup in the bath for practise. We used lidded sippy cups or munchkin 360. Adding water to the inevitable food mess is really not necessary.

You cannot avoid mess entirely but you can keep it a bit more under control. Get a plastic cover all type bib with sleeves and add a pouched plastic bib on top, that way you arent worrying about their clothes. If your child has a lot of hair and tends to rub messy hands in it, put them in one of those close fitting summer beach hats that you can simply pop in the wash after the meal.

Put a plastic mat or sheet on the floor and if your child has eaten a bit then is just chucking food about and making no attempt to eat it, its okay to end the meal and try again when they are hungrier. It's not "necessary" to allow children to constantly chuck masses of food around if they aren't even trying to eat it - I doubt children in poor families are allowed to waste tons of food and I'm sure they learn to eat any way. In my experience, when they start chucking it around, its either:
a) not ready to eat it
b) don't want it/not hungry/full.

In either case you dont need to continue.

You do need to offer solids every day though, at least once and probably twice at 7m. If you are struggling with the cooking don't be a martyr, it's ok to just use commercial baby food or to give them bits and bobs off your own plate.

You are not failing.

I gave my DT’s almost totally jars and pouches - cooking isn’t my thing. I didn’t do baby classes, I went back to work full time when they were six months old and I wasn’t interested in spending time with mothers comparing what their babies could and couldn’t do. DT’s are now 21 and have turned out perfect.

Oh and if you have a baby who tends to chuck stuff about, dont put much on the tray. Mine both tended to throw it about when overwhelmed by the amount. I used to put a single cube of swede (eg 1cm square) on the tray, wait for it to be eaten before adding another etc. They only need minuscule amounts at this age - 1 or 2 tbsp at a meal is enough

Completely agree with SilentAlarm!
Today 08:52SilentAlarm

With regards to the mess, what kind of high chair do you have? We bought an expensive one that is a nightmare to clean and my partner and I have had arguments over whose turn it is to do clean up. My mum has the one from IKEA at her house which costs about £12 and is SO easy to clean. Maybe simply switching to that would make the mess easier to cope with for you.

We got rid of expensive highchair ( where stitches in the padding were it was impossible to clean and disgusting). IKEA highchair ball the way!
One of the loveliest way I have seen children weened is with raspberries, one on each finger!

Oh and re the classes, they don't always enjoy them either. My son used to bring me my shoes in the middle of Monkey Music. I think they're often to get the parents out the house as much as anything. I had social anxiety which has improved having children as I did feel I had to do things with them but over the years not all at once. They'll have tons of opportunities through nursery, infant school etc, they don't have to meet their best buddy at 7 months.

My 19 month olds had last night's poppadoms and a handful of dry Cheerios for breakfast, washed down with chocolate milkshake. Don't judge, there was plenty of fruit, yogurt, toast and good food etc available to them but that's not what they wanted. As long as they've eaten something (milk counts) just go with it.
I was exactly the same as you. You're not failing him, you're just learning how to do this and it takes a while.
You're on the right track starting with veg and fruit. Don't worry if he doesn't swallow yet, at this stage it's normal to chew and spit, he's interested and trying and that's great 👍
Take it slow, I couldn't cook either and used pouches for lunch/dinners. For breakfast I started with porridges, baby rice and fruit and yogurt. Then introduced toast with spreads, muffins (not homemade), scrambled egg, cereals etc keep it simple and add a new food or two every week and you'll soon have a store of different breakfasts. Then move to lunch, once he can take finger foods it's much easier. Start with simple lunches, sandwiches, cheese cubes, baked beans, sausages, chips, peas, fish fingers etc. As you get more confident you can start easing back on prepared food and gradually start making your own. It's a gradual process, you'll be fine.
With dinner, gradually start giving him the exact same as you're having. All you need to do is watch salt/sugar and junk food is ok in moderation.
Still you'll have mornings like we've had this morning, don't worry if all else fails a bag of crisps won't hurt him. Good luck xx

Food before one is just for fun, you're doing great.

Also, during my maternity leave I made it to 3 baby classes (I had 13 months off). Doesn't seem to have done them any harm x

Ikea high chair. Stash of jars / pouches for when you don't have the time or energy to make them food (also a lot less mess IME).
But it really doesn't matter that he's not eating much at this stage it's the experience.

All my DC 9m had last night for dinner was a couple of sticks of broccoli and some grated cheese. I was tired. Most ended up on the floor. I have a stick hoover that never sleeps

Bin the Doidy cup.
They are the work of the devil.

Once they finally learn to drink from it, they will have great fun deliberately slinging it all over the place.

A sippy cup is your friend.

And just give him whatever you're eating, make extra. You don't have to be nigella lawson and cooking amazing things every day.

1. I hardly ever cooked for DS separately. Whatever we had he had just mushed up to some extent.

1. re:socializing. nobody remembers that time in their life. It's mostly mums wanting to have adult company, no more. :)

1. re:messy. I had old bed sheets that I put on the floor under kid. Chucked it in the washing machine every few days. And he had regular midday baths as well :)

Awww @rubbishmum33, it’s hard isn’t it. I am a good cook and like cooking and I still struggled majorly. My first (traditionally weaned on purees) was still mostly milk fed until two because he just wasn’t interested in food. My second (baby-led, whatever everyone else was eating) was gobbling whole sausages by 8 months. DC1 still eats minuscule amounts and at 8, while DC2 eats us out of house and home, and guess what, they are both super-healthy and happy What I am saying is but they’re all individuals, they have their own preferences and they have a built in survival instinct, so don’t panic! So long as you’re offering them either milk or food on a regular basis they will be fine!

Strip down to nappy, big sheet on the floor and let him work away. Baby led can be dead simple. Chunks of fruit and veg. Veg can be microwaved to cook it! New potatoes in micro pouches then last couple days on the fridge. Ready sliced chicken chunks in deli section. Doesnt have to be fancy. Then you can wash baby down, chnage nappy and sling sheet in the wash.

Weetabix and porridge are great though dry like cement lol.

I also found that most slow cooker meals were easily mashed down and could be frozen in small pots for easy meals

Oh gosh I just googled the Doidy cup 😅 no wonder he spills it everywhere. Give yourself a break and get a lidded cup! 😃
360 miracle cups are brill

Loads of good advice here but it sounds like a lot of this pressure is coming from the baby led weaning instragram perfect mum police.

I was the only one in my NCT 'group' (the less said about them the better) that didn't BLW and introduced flavour and texture through purees, both home cooked and ella's (with the emphasis on the latter) and rest assured my boy is a fantastic eater, no fussiness, eats everything. We gradually built up from purees to solids and that is totally acceptable. BLW is a relatively recent 'trend' that is set up to make you feel inadequate. Do what works for you, good luck.

You havent failed him at all. The first few months of weaning are all about trying new tastes as his milk is still very important for him! He doesnt need 3 full meals a day yet. My DD is 10 months and I started her on bits of fruit and veg. She now has whatever I have as long as its not too salty, or a pouch & pudding whenever we are on the go. Sounds like your doing fine to me!

I put a big picnic blanket down (waterproof on the underside). Then when she had finished just tipped all the mess into the bin and bunged it in the washing machine if needed. I also tried to put her high chair away from any walls to avoid splatters. In terms of them getting messy - you could crank the heating up and strip your baby down so afterwards you can give them a quick bath in the sink