Help - I’m failing my baby and need a kick up the bum

[rubbishmum33]

I have a 7 month old baby and started weaning him about 4 weeks ago. I was determined to give him the healthiest start with food after not BFing (I had a horrendous birth and just couldn’t) but I’m really failing.

So far all he’s had are single bits of fruit (strawberry, watermelon, banana, pear) and sticks of veg (broccoli, carrot, cauliflower, butternut squash). He also had toast with Philadelphia but it seemed very dry for him.

He loves grabbing the food and putting it in his mouth, but has barely swallowed a thing since we’ve started - it all goes on the floor. I tried spoon feeding but he prefers to do it himself.

Since starting I’ve had about 10 days where I’ve given him no food at all (apart from milk obviously) because I just could not face the mess.

I’m a hopeless cook and suddenly feel I need to be making all these meals for my baby. I tried pancakes the other day but messed up somehow and they stuck to the pan, so I had to throw them away.

Water is also not going well - we have a Doidy cup and he ends up drenched in water, even with me holding it - which just adds to the mess.

I’m so worried I’m screwing this up by failing to feed him every day and only giving him single sticks of fruit and veg. He’s also still on one meal and I know I should probably have moved to two by now.

Does anyone have any advice?

It’s really hard isn’t it?! I also hate mess so would do what I could to eliminate it. I got my sons the big bibs with arms on (like aprons) and put a tablecloth underneath the high chair so the carpet and their clothes were protected. I didn’t do BLW and did purées. I steamed a giant load of pears and apples until soft and then froze that into little plastic pots (from Amazon) and then gave them that every day and then built up from there. (One lot of steaming was enough for 14 of those pots to start with) Try and make sure you do one pot a day and anything else is a bonus.
I also used Ella’s kitchen pouches and relied on batch cooking and freezing. Much easier than cooking every day.

Christ my 11 month old still throws everything on the floor and barely swallows a thing, unless of course it’s fruit purée because that is delicious!
Calm down, this is normal baby behaviour. Keep offering a variety of food and relax.

I’m afraid babies make mess, and lots of it! Invest in a coverall style bib and give him fuss free easy food and take the time to clean him up.

Your stress is more likely to cause long term issues than any of the things you’re worried about.

It sounds like you are doing fine!

Get rid of the doidy cup and buy a 360. I really don’t get the hype around the doidy, mine sat unused and my 3dc are all able to drink from a glass.

Do not follow sr nutrition on Instagram, she seems obsessed with the perfect diet for her dc and it will just make you more stressed.

Just give a mix of foods, not too much salt, no honey under 2 etc.

I did a mixture of purée and finger food with both of mine. They had ready brek with either cinnamon or puréed apple stirred through it for breakfast, finger foods for lunch and something puréed with some bread and veg sticks for dinner. I'd give them chopped fruit or a bit of toast as a snack.

It comes across that the mess is stopping you here, have you spoken to anyone about it like your health visitor?

It’s not that I mind mess itself; I’m just shattered and can’t face the thought of clearing it up! No I’ve not spoken to my HV.

Playing is fine. Mine have never eaten a proper food item without squishing it on the floor or in their fingers and tasted properly until 1. She will eat when she's ready just keep offering her bits

Get a waterproof bib that attaches to the highchair - we have a bibado but there are lots. Then at least he won’t need an outfit change. (In warmer weather you can feed them in just a nappy.) Also get a jug and just put a little bit in the cup at a time.
As others have said, it is really really messy. My 15 month old still gets food everywhere. Spoon feeding is a bit cleaner if you can persuade him? My little one loved Ella’s fruit pouches.

For me weaning at 6 months is just offering small bits. Until a year they only need milk as nutrician. Although most mums I know like to shovel pureed food down them as they think they need to eat that much. My friend is a health visitor and also thinks kids should be shovelled with food. And I don't mean a couple of spoons I mean a huge jar and then they get frustrated when they don't eat the whole thing at six months when they have never had food before! I have 4 DC and let the kids lead the way. Finger foods that are age appropriate and not stressed about it. They all love their food now and have always been a good weight and height

Please don't worry.

His main food is milk.

The other stuff is to explore and play around with and eat a little bit of. No more than that.

Yes it will be messy .... but try to keep calm and remember anything messy can be cleaned up. It's not forever and he will gradually get less messy with time.

As an aside I've just realised that my 9 year old - who was messiest baby and toddler ever! - is really pretty good with table manners these days.

Our kitchen looked permanently like a bomb had gone off and sprayed puréed squidge and bits of toast everywhere. Not least as my son insisted on holding the spoon himself from the off.

It's a tiring time but it gets better xx

Plenty of good tips on how to reduce the mess or clean it up!

You’re doing fine I’m sure OP. Your baby is still getting what they need from their milk at this stage. If it helps, think of mealtimes as messy play and if anything gets eaten, it’s a bonus.

A cheap shower curtain under the high chair will catch most of the mess that goes onto the floor. Long sleeved bibs for the baby, or strip down to their nappy in the high chair and dunk them in the bath afterwards if you need to.

You are right though that it is a particular kind of soul destroying to be constantly cleaning up and washing bibs and changing outfits.

It's nice though when everything it's all clean again (for the ten mins it lasts!) try to enjoy that bit!

Hang in there !

@rubbishmum33

It comes across that the mess is stopping you here, have you spoken to anyone about it like your health visitor?

It’s not that I mind mess itself; I’m just shattered and can’t face the thought of clearing it up! No I’ve not spoken to my HV.

Re the communication and the doidy cup. If you give a stern tone (but do not shout)he will realise that water is not to go over him. Then gesture and say “ but you are all wet”. Or get one of the lip activated one or one with a slightly modified bottle teat or even a straw style one. You could put a tiny bit of orange juice ( like 1 to 10) in if you think it would help. I did but then stopped giving that once she’d take a bit. Re the mess, either feed in nappy or invest in full body bib. Or even use a swim towel with a hood ( avoids hair mess). The under the high chair a wipe clean mat. Put foods on the high chair table quite near the baby but only a little bit at a time so they pick that up and not the next bit and therefore don’t try and eat one and okay with one or shove too much in mouth. Then once they’ve picked that up take a bit off the plate ( positioned on the big table) and put on the high chair table and repeat.

Bibado bibs - you strap them under the high chair so at least you dont have to clean that up too! Just do one meal a day as baby gets used to food - it does take time. Be kind to yourself and just keep going.

Don't be disheartened by organic homemade stuff on Instagram. Get some pouches and jars in for when you feel overwhelmed. Finger foods are fine. Bread/cheese/fruit.
Babies are messy unfortunately so you can't do much about that but you can't not feed him because of it.
I'm not a fan of mess but some of my fave pics of DS are of him covered in food grinning from ear to ear with a spoon in hand. Try and embrace it, it won't last forever.

Have you got a bibado? That will help. And a big mat for under the highchair.

Good luck and try not to overthink it, you're doing great.

It's still really early, try not to stress. It's not like you're feeding him pot noodles. A bowl of porridge in the morning, banana and toast for lunch or a little snack plate of breadsticks, olives, fruit and cheese and a bit of whatever you're having for dinner is totally fine and I imagine that's what most babies have to eat? Jars and pouches exist for a reason too, use them when you need to!

I rarely went to groups either, hated them. Did no harm, DS is 3 and very friendly and sociable.

Maybe try one of those tommee tippee cups with a spout, much easier for them to handle with creating a flood.

Absolutely agree with @CoconutMangos. I had visions of doing all this Earth Mamma baby led weaning but a) baby hated it and b) turned out to have multiple food allergies. The whole thing was already too stressful by her limitations so I took the added pressure off by using w lot of pre made baby food. It's fine - use it if you need to. She's now a 3yo with a relatively varied diet and interest and appetite for food, despite her restrictions. Weaning takes months, don't worry about the odd bad day. Make it easy on yourself

Oh bless you OP- he’s 7 months, this is completely completely normal. You could have not started weaning at all yet and that would still be fine. You don’t have to hit a specific target.

With my first I was trying all sorts of fancy things and cooking especially for her. With my second, it was much much more straightforward simply because I didn’t have the time to devote to overthinking it all.

Next time you eat, go with this:
Is your DS awake?
Is he in an okay mood?
Are you dishing something up that is reasonably baby-friendly, or do you have baby food handy?

If yes to all the above, give him some. Cut off a crust of your toast or a stick of your banana. If no, or if you cba, skip it. He’s got milk, he’s not hungry. Literally make it that simple for yourself.

Once he’s actually eating, and you’re feeling a bit better, then you can start planning his meals with a bit more balance. But honestly, at 7 months, he’s playing. You’re giving him disposable toys each meal. Ear up on yourself

*Ease up not ear up!!

I also feel like this is as much about breastfeeding as it is about weaning. You don’t need to justify to anyone why you didn’t breastfeed, and you don’t need to feel bad about it. You can’t have that constantly hanging over your head as something you need to compensate for.

Even if you move past the weaning stage, there will be times where your child doesn’t eat the times of things that you want him to, or in the right quantities. Cut yourself some slack.

In these sort of situations I always think about people throughout history and all over the world; have they always had the time and luxury of worrying about every mouthful their baby took? No, of course not - they’d stick something nice and easy for baby to eat in front of it when everyone else was eating and let baby get on with it. Probably with a bit of coaxing and a bit of feeding with spoon or fingers, but 99% of people throughout time haven’t had the chance to micromanage a baby’s food in this way. And yet, here we all are!

I bought a large clear plastic mat from Ikea (along with the wonderful antilop high chair which everyone has) so at least I only needed to wipe that down. But it goes everywhere. I found weaning such a faff I never understood why people rush to wean.

Despite being on my second child, I have lost all my confidence this time around. Thank you for posting as I've realised that I, as are you, am actually doing okay and that it's only pressure I'm putting on myself that is my failing.

We're doing great!

Ps. My 10 month old has mastered the doidy but went to bed with tomato stuck in her hair as I just thought sod it and was both too tired to care. Ups and downs for sure!

I remember at the weaning class thing I went to the HVs said: food is for fun until they're 1.
So don't worry that hardly any goes in. Their main food source is formula/bmilk until they're 1.
Sounds like you're doing great at offering him new foods to try- just give him a bit of whatever you're having and once a week you could do a small batch cook up of stuff like stewed apple, mashed potato and carrot, mushy peas and veggie soup and freeze in ice cube trays or mini pots and then just defrost when you're in a rush but want him to have something.

360 miracle cup is much easier at his age, because he won't learn to use a doidy well for 6 months minimum. People forget ages when kids do stuff, it's not until 24 months that he ought to be able to use a cup!!

He's only 7 months, individual flavours are fine and no need to rush into 2 meals if his weight is good. Don't give things he has to chew on, he's too little, toast that he sucks or pancake are about the limit on thickness if you want him to swallow. Raw carrot is a choking hazard if he snaps a bit off, so don't give that. Pancake is worth learning for pushchair snacks as well at breakfast, just put enough oil at the bottom and practice, then chuck in veg/ cheese/ meat all chopped small, or fruits chopped small (grate apple or pear in, it's yummy). The key with any other meal is to always chop things up very small at his age. I used to cook up a meal, then chop the veg and meat into really tiny bits, serve on toast with a little cream cheese and it's really easy finger food.

As for the mess, it was awful when we had the Ikea antilop, switched to Joie Mimzy plus full sleeved bibs and much less goes on the floor. (Until he reaches the stage of learning to throw...)