On the motorway alone with baby

[firstpregnancy1]

My son is 3 weeks old and in a few weeks time I need to make a trip that would normally take me via the m25, in an area where there is often either heavy traffic or some sort of hold up due to an accident or lane closure etc.

What would you do if you were driving on the motorway alone with a newborn and there was a traffic jam resulting in standstill/ stop start traffic for a period of time. Some queues can delay you well over an hour sometimes longer. If your newborn started screaming for a feed, and you were stuck in stop start traffic, would you just try and hold out? For how long? Would you use the hard shoulder to pull over to feed baby? If it was 100% standstill then you could just feed baby there but 99% of traffic jams aren't just standstill it's usually moving and very slowly which wouldn't be safe to have baby out to feed!!

I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway so as to avoid this potential scenario but it got me thinking about what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..

So what would you do?

Baby is due a feed, you're stuck and have been for 90mins, it's stop start traffic and showing no sign of improvement, nearest services is miles away..

I always went routes you could stop or as another poster suggested. Stopping to do a top up feed.

Take the train. Get someone to pick you up at the other end.
You then get to feed when you need.

I'll possibly get flamed for this but when my daughter was 10 weeks there was a family emergency..... Problem is my family are 200 miles away! My way of dealing with this and all subsequent journies to family was to turn off air bags in front and have her strapped into the front seat. Not ideal but my only option as I had nobody to come with me. It worked well for us but I am fully aware it's not recommended.

In your situation I'd probably take the longer route

Id plan the journey so that everything was packed in the car and ready to go and then once the baby's next feed was due, feed him, wind him really well, change his nappy and then put him in the car and go. hoping that he'd sleep or at least be content for the duration of the journey. id also make sure i knew where all the services were so I could pull off if I needed to.

I would avoid the motorway, have spent too many hours of my life sat on the m25! Very naive to suggest its unlikely you'll be stuck for more than 30 minutes

With google maps its easier as its pretty good at showing major jams and alternative routes. Its quite easy to avoid the m25 in most places, it doesnt add too much journey time and its just a lot easy to find somewhere to stop if its not a motorway. Along with being sat on the m25 have also spent a lot of time on the roads around it

timing - db usually fall asleep in car & dont go until you have given a feed
keep radio on for alerts so you can divert check before you go on the internet

Yes I think you're right to avoid if there's a good chance of being stuck.

If I did find myself in that scenario I think I'd have to stick it out and not get them out of the seat. They're far safer in there and unlikely to suffer too much from being a bit hungry.

After a few nightmare car journeys with baby DS my top tips are:
a) Have 'Happy Song' by Imogen Heap lined up ready to play on repeat - babies all seem to love it.
b) Make sure you feed and change baby just before setting off.
c) If there's any possible way of finding someone else to drive so you can sit in the back with the baby, do that.
d) If there's any possible way of getting there by train instead, do that.
e) If there's any possibility of postponing the trip until baby is older, do that.
f) If travelling in the depths of winter, make sure you have a survival kit in case you're stuck on the verge next to the motorway waiting for a recovery truck. When this happened to us at midnight 2 hours from home we were so lucky we had a hot water bottle with us so baby DS stayed lovely and snug in his car seat under a rain cover and blankets despite the wind DH and I were bloody freezing
g) Make sure you have more spare clothes and nappies than you think you need.

Good luck with your journey OP

Just to add my voice to PPs, lie flat car seats are legal. We had a carrycot type on an isofix base. I did tons of research into it before making the decision to go down this route. The statistic which stuck with me was that In 2015, 21 newborns had died as a result of asphyxiation in car seats but 0 had died in collisions.

As my family and work circumstances mean a lot of long journeys (parents 300 miles away, frequent 100 mile trips with DD who sometimes traveled to work events with me as I was BF her and couldn't express enough) then weighing up safety for long journeys led me to the lie flat seats.

@namechange7438

Why was that the only option?

I'm a single parent so it's always just been DD and I in the car. She goes in the back. I can't see what I could do differently with her in the front that wouldn't mean I was distracted from driving. Even in stop start traffic you have to have your wits about you all the time.

There are loads of exits so if traffic builds up you just pull off and park up to feed. I think you’re over thinking it. We drove 3.5 hours including on the m25 with 6 week old twins and a 3 year old for a family funeral. I fed before we left and when we arrived having left plenty of time. We did the journey in one day. Not ideal for them to be in a car seat that long but it was a one off.

I wouldn’t travel on the M25 with a newborn unless it was absolutely essential. I drove on it every week for years. I once took 5 hours to do what should been a 45 minute journey - because someone was threatening to jump off a bridge over it and they had to take 4 lanes of traffic off onto a small road. Another time 8 hours, going from J6 - J10 towards the M1, but J10 was closed, so I had to go the opposite way round through the Dartford tunnel.

@PegasusReturns

I think the statistics give a 5 to 7 minutes life expectancy when you park there. It's stupidly dangerous and illegal

I don’t disagree that it’s dangerous but a life expectancy of minutes - don’t be ridiculous

apologies, in the UK it's apparently 23 to 30 minutes IN THE CAR according to police statistics.

As this is an average, it's not a risk I would be willing to take frankly.

It doesn't give you the statistic of being involved in a crash but surviving...even with life changing injuries.

I know the M25 pretty well and would say that outside of rush hour it's highly unlikely you'd be caught in a massive traffic jam. I would take the chance tbh and stop at services midway if you need to.

The hard shoulder is one of the most dangerous places to stop. Also part of the M25 is now so called Smart ie no hard shoulder, a live lane. These are lethal if you cant make it to the designated layby if you breakdown. It is also illegal to stop on a motorway except in an emergency. Feeding a baby is not an emergency. Feed baby before you set off and will probably sleep all the way unless you are taking over 3 hours. If so, stop at a service station to feed again and have a coffee.

This happened to me. August bank holiday weekend, M25, DS was about 4 weeks old. He fed almost constantly as a baby (not much has changed 20 years later). My DH hadn't passed his driving test then. We got stuck in the mother of all BH traffic jams, in spite of leaving home super early to try to avoid it. Hardly moving with a screaming baby for about an hour or more. Once we reached a service station, we stopped, he fed and all was fine. It wasn't fun, but he survived.
Good luck OP! You'll be ok

I would go the long way round avoiding the motorway or be prepared to come off the mw at next junction if baba wanting feeding. Don't use the hard shoulder, it's really not safe. If it was me, I would use the A B roads

Speaking from experience. Take the longer route, I took my 3 month old in the M25 and we got stuck for hours in horrible stop go traffic. My husband was with me so I could climb in the back to feed the baby as he was going bonkers. I then had to change him as he had a massive poonami. Had I been alone it would have been hideous.
I had many difficult times driving with the kids but that was head and shoulders above the rest. Take the longer route so you can pull over when you like.

I don't see what the problem is. Feed him before you leave. If he does cry, it won't be through hunger. He will probably sleep anyway.

The hard shoulder isnt for stopping to feed babys 🤣

So you've wasted everyone's time over a hypothetical scenario?

Do you have nothing better to do with your time than make up stories?

@felicisnoz Op was quite clear in her original post that she had made her decision. Its your own stupid fault if you consider your time wasted.

This happened to me. DS was about 4 months old. In the end he cried the most part of 2 hours (with me sobbing with him). We did both survive though and he is now a healthy 10 year old with no recollection

I would pull off at the next junction. If complete gridlock I might consider feeding in the car but that's unlikely.

To be honest I wouldn't be happy putting a baby under 6 weeks in a car seat unless under constant supervision. I would need someone to sit in the back with them. Might sound ridiculous but when you look at a little baby all crunched up it just doesn't look safe! Might depend a bit on the angle of the seats on any particular car.

If you absolutely have to go, be prepared to stop frequently to check on the baby, at least every hour. Plan your route with safe stops at roughly that frequency - so probably not the motorway.

When my DCs were babies, I had them on the front passenger seat, with air bags disabled. This meant that I could keep a closer eye on them (only when stationary) and could give them a quick reassuring pat from time to time! I might be out of date with car seat guidance though. DS2 is now 12!

I drove from London to Scotland, 9 hour drive on my own with my newborn who was 5 days old. Feed and change before you get in the car then drive. Keep an eye on how far away the next service station is and stop within plenty of time of needing to feed. It is very easy to do as long as you just go with the flow and don't stress!