On the motorway alone with baby

[firstpregnancy1]

My son is 3 weeks old and in a few weeks time I need to make a trip that would normally take me via the m25, in an area where there is often either heavy traffic or some sort of hold up due to an accident or lane closure etc.

What would you do if you were driving on the motorway alone with a newborn and there was a traffic jam resulting in standstill/ stop start traffic for a period of time. Some queues can delay you well over an hour sometimes longer. If your newborn started screaming for a feed, and you were stuck in stop start traffic, would you just try and hold out? For how long? Would you use the hard shoulder to pull over to feed baby? If it was 100% standstill then you could just feed baby there but 99% of traffic jams aren't just standstill it's usually moving and very slowly which wouldn't be safe to have baby out to feed!!

I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway so as to avoid this potential scenario but it got me thinking about what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..

So what would you do?

Baby is due a feed, you're stuck and have been for 90mins, it's stop start traffic and showing no sign of improvement, nearest services is miles away..

The OP said she is going a different route- has anyone read the posts?

if you are going without any other adults then id put baby in the front of the car (airbag turned off) so you can see them and they can see you, then if in traffic you can sing to them and distract them. do they take a bottle or dummy? you could give that if they get very distressed (still in car seat) in reality theyll prob sleep the whole time.

and most importantly, check the traffic before you leave!

@JinglingHellsBells

The OP said she is going a different route- has anyone read the posts?

the question was literally

I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway
what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..

so what do you think people are replying to?

Years ago I got stuck on the M25 with a 10 week old baby due to an accident. We were actually stuck for hours. I called the NHS helpline (new mum didn’t know what else to do)

They told me to pull over immediately onto hard shoulder and get out of car with baby. They sent a police car for support. I felt so embarrassed but they were lovely.

If baby has to be out of the car seat every 30 mins, it is going to be a very long journey. I'm not even sure there are that many services on the M25. Some stretches are devoid of such facilities.

I think the statistics give a 5 to 7 minutes life expectancy when you park there. It's stupidly dangerous and illegal

I don’t disagree that it’s dangerous but a life expectancy of minutes - don’t be ridiculous

I'd take the longer route where possible to avoid a known bad stretch, however sometimes you need to use the motorway. Luckily you can usually see or be warned by say nav and by road reports when there is a delay up ahead so you could pre empt it and pull off and change/feed while letting it clear. If the worst came to the worst you'd have to just power through. No way you should get a baby out the car seat on the motorway

A baby that young will probably sleep anyway. I wouldn't worry about it. Feed before you go, have baby toys fixed to the car seat as a distraction for the start of the journey or when they wake up. If baby starts screaming then put on some music and come off the motorway as and when you can (not on the hard shoulder). I drove a 4 hour journey on my own (more than once and with breaks) when my daughter was small. Relax and enjoy. 🙂

This actually happened to me once on the M25, I was stuck with a 6 month old for five hours at a complete standstill. Journey should have taken 40 mins. I was completely unprepared for this scenario and she screamed and screamed, eventually fell asleep. This was 20-odd years ago now and it still bothers me. My advice is make sure you have plenty if you're formula feeding. If breast, get off the motorway if at all possible and find a safe place to stop. Never ever use the hard shoulder. If you are worried about this possibility, then yes take the longer non-motorway route.

Avoid the motorway. Babies should not be in car seats for longer than 30 minutes at a time at 3 weeks old. There is a very real risk of oxygen desaturation due to the upright position of the seat (required for crash safety).

I'm not saying that 31, 35, 40 minutes or so because you get stuck in a traffic jam is risky - life happens and guidelines are conservative. But if you're stuck for 90m+ with a baby that small, that absolutely is and I would do whatever necessary to avoid that, even though it means the journey as a whole will take longer.

The 30 minutes rule has come in since 2016, it's based on newer research done with newborn babies to assess the likelihood of oxygen desaturation when in a car, installed at the proper angle of 40-45 degrees, subjected to the normal movement of the car and vibration from the engine. The previous recommendation of 2 hours was based on tests done using a static car seat at 30 degrees on the floor, where they are more laid back. The newer research isn't perfect, I can point to several issues with it, but the risk is definitely present and I would strongly recommend you take it seriously. It doesn't apply to older babies, just babies under 4 weeks old.

I had a tyre blow on the motorway, car all over the place but manage to get from middle lane to hard shoulder. We were there for about an hour and a half, very scary as we were on a bend. The noise of the lorries going past was tremendous. It was one of the extremely hot days and I knew I had water in the boot but it was too dangerous to get it out. The police came to check on us and said if we were still there next time they would help out. It was very scary standing next to the police car with the traffic hurtling past.I had contacted a tow truck. He pulled into the nearby services so he could fill in paperwork and we could grab a bottle of water. I got him one too. I hope it never happens again.

As others have said please don’t stop on the hard shoulder.

Take the longer route, otherwise you and baby are going to go batshit crazy with stress even if there are no hold ups (unlikely)
You don’t need this level of stress at such an early time in little ones life, your concentration will be poor. Not worth the risk

the question was literally

^I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway
what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..so what do you think people are replying to?^

Yes, I know what it 'literally' (lol) was!

I just don't know why she posted if she's made up her mind.

Waste of everyone's time mulling it over.

@PeggyPorschen Thats just not true, lie flat seats are completely legal in the UK and are advised for longer journeys as babies can breathe better in them due not be scrunched up. There are several types available such as the Jane Matrix etc.

If you go through life overthinking every scenario that comes up, you’ll be exhausted. You can’t go through life over planning and thinking of what ifs. Enjoy your baby, go through life taking sensible precautions, but in the meantime work on your confidence and coping strategies.

If you are in that situation you just have to hold out, it’s horrible hearing the cry, I’ve been there, but the safest option is to carry on and drive. Never never never pull over on the hard shoulder to feed a baby, the baby will be fine with an overdue feed but the risk of accidents of being on the hard shoulder is crazy high.

Lie flat car seats are legal in the UK, there are two types. One is a sideways type which is actually properly flat like a carrycot. Some of these are actually just carrycots which are approved for use in a car. If they're approved to the older regulation then bear in mind if you have one like this, it's probably not crash tested at all as they aren't required to be. The thinking is that you use such a seat for such a short period of time you would have to be fantastically unlucky to get into a crash. But I do find it quite irresponsible that nobody explains that if you did, it would likely be deadly for the baby. It's a legal exception really for babies that can't tolerate the angle of a car seat, not a real alternative to a crash tested car seat.

Some newer types of these sideways car cots are crash tested but the research isn't great on them and the crash test dummies used to assess them don't have many sensors in them, so it's not really clear whether they are any safer than the older types. Which? seem to think that they are.

The other type of lie flat seat is a type where the seat is installed as usual racing the back of the car, but has the ability to fold out into a flat position (making it very long) for example Joie i-Level, Cybex Cloud. The Cybex one you can't use in the lie flat positin in the car anyway, so it wouldn't be much use for the OP's kind of situation. The Joie and similar that can be laid flat in the car have been crash tested in this position, so it's OK to use them like that. However, because they're so new and niche there isn't yet any research saying whether they actually negate the risk of oxygen saturation, common sense would say they might reduce it, but we don't actually know for sure. So technically the usual advice applies. Of course, you can make your own judgement and do what you like, but I'd be aware that officially there is no exception from the guidance and even the companies themselves are quite careful not to explicitly state that there is, even though they imply it.

Our lie flat was crash tested and had very high safety ratings. It is one that rotates and folds and you can use it upright or lie flat. We did a lot of research before we chose it and it was clear that it was a very safe option. I can also speak from experience because a friend of mine was in an accident with her baby in (terrifying), fortunately the baby was completely unharmed despite the car being a write off. Obviously this is just one example.

Try not to go, it sounds awful and stressful and if you can get out of it then do. I was mentally abused when my baby was young and made to do things unnecessarily for another person. It was the worst time of my life and I wish I could go back and di things differently.

Take the longer route and pull in somewhere safe to feed the baby.

If you do take the motorway, the hard shoulder is for breakdowns not for a feed stop for the baby. It's probably the most dangerous place to be on a motorway!

Good question! I would also avoid the motorway, especially the M25. Might take a lot longer but will be overall a lot less stressful than being stuck in traffic with an upset and hungry newborn.

Good luck with your journey :)

I haven't read everyone's responses yet but just to clarify - this is a hypothetical situation that I was wondering what others WOULD do in a worst case scenario stuck on a motorway with a hungry baby situation.

I have no intention of going on the motorway I already said in my post I decided to go the alternative route, but the thought process made me curious as to what other people WOULD do, IF they found themselves in that situation.

I wasn't saying I would use the hard shoulder, this post isn't really about me and my choices as I'm not going to use the motorway, I was asking what other people would choose to do if they were stuck in stop start traffic with no services or junctions for a while...

I used to travel late, leave straight after a feed (had x2 hrs of sleep after that), stop at service station/junction to feed if I thought baby would wake soon.

Admittedly none of my journeys were over expected 1.5hrs.

However, when I got stuck on a closed motorway late at night (40min journey), I called highways agency who advised that I could get out and (breast) feed baby with hazards on.

However the guy I spoke to had checked the situation first and knew I’d be stuck at least another hour. I also had to give my reg plate and location just in case.

Irony was with no traffic I was about 15mins away from home!

Stop start traffic - I’d wait to next junction there’s usually a side turning or road available off the motorway.

I had to do this when a dual carriage way was shut due to a crash and baby woke up. Parked outside someone’s house, after 30mins or so someone came out and asked why I was there (I could still see nothing was moving on dual carriage) and on explanation offered me a drink which was nice.