On the motorway alone with baby

[firstpregnancy1]

My son is 3 weeks old and in a few weeks time I need to make a trip that would normally take me via the m25, in an area where there is often either heavy traffic or some sort of hold up due to an accident or lane closure etc.

What would you do if you were driving on the motorway alone with a newborn and there was a traffic jam resulting in standstill/ stop start traffic for a period of time. Some queues can delay you well over an hour sometimes longer. If your newborn started screaming for a feed, and you were stuck in stop start traffic, would you just try and hold out? For how long? Would you use the hard shoulder to pull over to feed baby? If it was 100% standstill then you could just feed baby there but 99% of traffic jams aren't just standstill it's usually moving and very slowly which wouldn't be safe to have baby out to feed!!

I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway so as to avoid this potential scenario but it got me thinking about what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..

So what would you do?

Baby is due a feed, you're stuck and have been for 90mins, it's stop start traffic and showing no sign of improvement, nearest services is miles away..

Baby would just have to wait and you’d have to put up with the screaming. They won’t be harmed by waiting.

You absolutely cannot pull up on the hard shoulder to feed, nor can you attempt to feed even if the traffic was at a complete non moving standstill. Both are extremely dangerous and shouldn’t even enter your mind.

I’d most likely take the route and if needed pull off at the next exit or set of services - not sure about all babies but don’t most sleep in cars anyway, the traffic wouldn’t be so bad that they would starve

I know this is not the question you are asking, but I think with babies that young, there is a time limit for keeping them in their car seat without a break. I was told by the hospital on discharge up to six weeks to limit the length of time we had baby in a car seat to - maybe 49 mins or something around that?

So then you would definitely need to avoid motorway traffic and find a route to allow for regular breaks.

Newborns and car seats, 30 minutes at a time with a max of 2 hours a day I think is the guideline.

Op, having faced similar problems, all
I can say is if the trip is truly necessary, try to avoid peak traffic times and stay in the lane that affords you the best access to an exit.

I'll take it as given that you need to make this journey, but with 3 weeks to plan it, have you looked at alternatives like public transport and/or taxi? Delegate the driving to someone else then you can be sure to be there if your baby needs you.

Op i would seriously think about doing this trip. Baby is so tiny and a screaming tiny baby is just nerve wrecking trying to ignore. Is this really necessary if you have 3 weeks to arrange?

@katy1213

What's so important that you need to go? Clearly not an emergency if you have three weeks notice.

Just what I thought. I wouldn't do it with such a young baby. If it was absolutely essential I would get someone else to drive and I'd sit in the back with the baby but really, prefer to postpone.

Do you have a lie flat baby seat? If so baby can stay in there for much longer at a time safely and will probably sleep better during the journey. I used to time travelling for just after a feed so my dd would be full and sleep. My parents live just over an hour away down the motorway, unless sick or huge poo then I didn't stop. I completely get your nervousness about being able to stop but honestly it's just a case of waiting for the nearest services.

Wow, some of the replies here are crazy. This isn’t that stressful a situation and I can’t believe so many of you are making such a big deal out of this.
OP I would try to time it so that I set off just after a feed so that you’re more likely to be ok if you’re stuck in traffic as the baby has just been fed. And that’s it. I certainly wouldn’t be spending 3 weeks dreading it.
And please, whatever you do, don’t stop at the hard shoulder to feed the baby, that would be incredibly dangerous and probably illegal.

You need to look at the car seat guidelines. A baby that young needs to be out the seat every half hour and only in a car seat for a maximum of 2 hours. The lullaby trust have information on this:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/car-seats-and-sids/

I'd let them cry and I'd only pull over once I got to a service station.

You are overthinking it a little though, as pp said 30 minute delays are common but being stopped for over 90 minutes as in your example is extremely rare. I've driven on a motorway almost daily for over a decade, that's probably happened a handful of times.

We once had a hideous journey on the m25 with a baby abs toddler. Journey normally takes 1h30 but it took us about 5 hours in total. We had a point where we were stuck in traffic abs the baby was screaming and the toddler was screaming because the baby was upsetting her. The older one needed a wee etc. Although it was standstill we didn’t want to risk getting out. As soon as we were moving we just had to pull in at the next services. You learn quite quickly whether you can manage to drive safely with the kids screaming. My husband can block them out in a way that I struggle to.

@katy1213

What's so important that you need to go? Clearly not an emergency if you have three weeks notice.

It could be a funeral. I doubt she’s going somewhere on a whim with a three week old FGS.

Do not use the hard shoulder.. the last thing you need is an emergency services vehicle attending the incident ploughing into you at 100mph or obstructing them and costing someone’s life.

Someone I knew stopped on the hard shoulder of a motorway, for reasons unknown. She had her toddler in the car.

A lorry crashed into her car, killed her and her child suffered lifechanging injuries.

The lorry driver, who had exceeded his hours and fallen asleep at the wheel, got 2 years for causing death by dangerous driving.

I'd never stop on the hard shoulder unless it was unavoidable.

Having said that, I was once stuck on the M25 for 4 hours when a lorry caught fire. It was a boiling hot day (temps well into the 90s), and everyone was out of their cars, milling about on the carriageway and chatting. But that was safe because there was absolutely no traffic moving and we'd have baked to death if we'd stayed in our cars.

As horrific as it will be you’d have to leave your baby to cry. Check them in mirror to make sure they’re safe and stop as soon as it’s safe to do so to tend to them.
Obviously this will be hugely distressing for you both and isn’t ideal but it hopefully won’t happen.
All you can do is try and mitigate the risk of this happening by planning a low risk route and having plenty of rest stops planned in which is sounds like you’ve done.
Don’t ruin now worrying about what may never happen.
I hope it goes okay.

I used to do loads of motorway driving with tinies. Agree with the others, no hard shoulder. If you do actually breakdown you know to get out of the car with baby and way up the bank at the side yes? M25 can be awful but rarely completely stopped for hours. It did happen to me once on the M3. DS was about 18 months and hungry and it was awful but after that, if I knew I was headed into rush hour or something I took non motorway routes so there were always stopping options. But listen to the traffic news, 99% of the time its fine.

To be honest, earplugs!

Feed and change baby just before leaving then go, driving 2-3 hours is fine - they may desire a feed but can wait

I did this recently with 3 week olds and did get stuck in traffic. Luckily she was fine but once I left the traffic I made an unscheduled stop at services to feed. Good job as there was more traffic later. It will be awful if they scream for it and you can help but they're in no danger so just try to zone out, sing to the radio or something. Can also feed just before you go so that they're probably full anyway

Also should say non motorway routes can be just as bad if an A road

@PyongyangKipperbang Snugburys is in my (original) neck of the woods - bloody amazing and always worth a detour for. I've not been able to go for a couple of years but they change the straw sculpture every summer. Such a great place!

What is the purpose of the journey OP?

I thought England was in lockdown anyway?
Why is the OP travelling?
Unless the journey is for medical purposes maybe?

I wouldn’t have done a car journey of more than a few miles at that stage. if you have to do the journey pick a time when the motorway will be quiet. There is no way I would be able to drive safely with a crying child in the car and as others have said it is not safe to use hard shoulder. Nb there isn’t a hard shoulder on some of the m25 anyway.

You shouldn’t be putting your baby in a situation where they’re likely to be in a car seat for over an hour.