On the motorway alone with baby

[firstpregnancy1]

My son is 3 weeks old and in a few weeks time I need to make a trip that would normally take me via the m25, in an area where there is often either heavy traffic or some sort of hold up due to an accident or lane closure etc.

What would you do if you were driving on the motorway alone with a newborn and there was a traffic jam resulting in standstill/ stop start traffic for a period of time. Some queues can delay you well over an hour sometimes longer. If your newborn started screaming for a feed, and you were stuck in stop start traffic, would you just try and hold out? For how long? Would you use the hard shoulder to pull over to feed baby? If it was 100% standstill then you could just feed baby there but 99% of traffic jams aren't just standstill it's usually moving and very slowly which wouldn't be safe to have baby out to feed!!

I've decided to take a slightly longer route to avoid the motorway so as to avoid this potential scenario but it got me thinking about what I would do/what others would do / what the best thing to do would be..

So what would you do?

Baby is due a feed, you're stuck and have been for 90mins, it's stop start traffic and showing no sign of improvement, nearest services is miles away..

Even when DS got his arms out of his straps () I haven't stopped on the hard shoulder, just stopped at the next junction
I'm terrified of breaking down on the motorway with 2 x toddlers!

I used to take a journey when my son's were small that took my on the M25. I always did a safety stop at Beaconsfield, gave the baby a little feed and check nappy etc.

We avoided the motorway when the babies were small. It took longer, but when you are feeding every few hours, changing explosive loos etc. It is worth it. We drove to Devon when my eldest was a few months and we didn't take the motorway, so a four hour trip was more like seven, plus lots of breaks. It was the right thing to do, and as it happens there was a tailback at Bristol. We just went with the flow and factored in journeys taking longer than usual, much like everything takes longer than usual with baby!

I never drove anywhere far alone with a newborn honestly. When we went together we stopped frequently. Once it got desperate and I was in the back with the baby (and dangle fed... not to be recommended ), after than I expressed milk in a bottle so could give a quick bottle feed to keep us going until a services.

I wouldn't go. I'm fairly sure babies need to be taken out of their seats every 1/2 hour....(it used to be every 2 hours in my day)...it has nightmare journey written all over it. Get a babysitter, or don't go.

(I took my then 5 month old on a 5 hour motorway journey, when the advice was stopping 2 hourly. We got stuck in a motorway closure and the journey was hell, as DS started screaming and didn't stop....for 9 hours. We did keep stopping, but it was hell) just reading that back - it's no coincidence I used the word "hell" twice.

Because you’re supposed to stop every so often to get the baby out of the car seat when they’re that small, I offered the boob every time we stopped so she was unlikely to get to “empty”.

I also have a mirror on her headrest lined up with my rear view mirror and even from 6 weeks ish I’m pretty sure she could get a glimpse of me reflected in there, she certainly seemed to smile if I caught her eye in the mirror and smiled (when stationary!).

If DD is upset and I can’t pull over, I find singing along as loud as I possibly can to upbeat music keeps me and baby calmer than “oh, poor baby, I’m sorry”.

I wouldn’t take a baby on that journey and it’s clearly not for emergency reasons given the notice. If we are still in lockdown you won’t be able to anyway.

I would not be going unless the journey was life or death. Not with a three week old baby.
Anything else can wait and if it's Christmas related it can wait also. The baby comes first. If you are stuck in traffic for an hour with no way of getting of the motorway you are stuck, you cannot feed the baby or change a nappy.
Is there nobody you can take with you, this is a two person job.

Only time I remember my mum stopping on the hard shoulder was because there were no services nearby and I was literally going to piss all over the backseats I was so desperate for a wee I was crying holding it. Please don't stop to feed a baby, they can wait.

How on earth are all these 20 somethings walking around unaffected by a long car trip in a car seat?! 30 minutes sounds ridiculous, supposing you lived more than 30 minutes from a shop, what are they supposed to do?

Please never stop on the hard shoulder to feed the baby

@BigSandyBalls2015

How on earth are all these 20 somethings walking around unaffected by a long car trip in a car seat?! 30 minutes sounds ridiculous, supposing you lived more than 30 minutes from a shop, what are they supposed to do?

How on earth are there all these 40 somethings walking around unaffected by not having a child car seat at all? I don’t know anyone who died in a car crash as an unrestrained child so not sure why we bother with seat belts at all.

Good god I think you are overthinking.
Baby will most probably sleep through
There may be traffic there may not .
Just go .

I've been stuck on m25 with kids. Just ride it our till you get to a services or pull of at closest junction and find one. Its rarely 90 mins more 45-60 if anything. Never stop on hard shoulder on a motorway unless you have broken down.

I did long motorway journeys with DD as a young baby (7 weeks first trip).

I bought a lie flat car seat as there is evidence that babies' oxygen starts start to drop at 30 minutes in conventional car seats. Even if you go by the old guidance of limiting car seat time to 2 hours that is disruptive to a long journey. A lie flat seat means you don't have to worry.

I would feed DD last thing before getting in the car and setting off and then always stop just before next feed time rather than leaving it to the actual time which builds in a bit of a buffer.

If baby starts crying for any reason and a bit of singing/talking to them doesn't soothe them you just have to focus on the road and leave at the next exit and stop as soon as you can SAFELY.

I would never stop on the hard shoulder for anything. In fact I live in fear of being forced to pull onto it if we broke down or whatever. Horrendous tragedies happen all too often when people are parked on the hard shoulder. I don't even like stopping in lay-bys on A roads if they're only separated from the road by a white line.

Absolutely no way would I do this at all.

Can you explain what is so important that you have to do this?

as above

DO NOT EVER PARK ON THE HARD SHOULDER

I think the statistics give a 5 to 7 minutes life expectancy when you park there. It's stupidly dangerous and illegal.

A baby will be fine as a one-off in a car seat, but I would not take the motorway ALONE with a tiny baby. I wouldn't have taken the car for a few hours drive within a month or 2 either, I physically wasn't well enough to do it. Lack of sleep and long drive with a baby didn't work well with me. Either DH drove, or I took a plane or the train when I had to go somewhere.

I bought a lie flat car seat
I am not sure they are legal in the UK, I had a look for one but couldn't find one and all the advice was against them, in the UK.

@Handsoffisback

slimshady babies are not going to die if they’re in a car seat for longer than 30 minutes. Hours perhaps, but not say one hour.

Someone said 2-3 hours is fine. It's not. It's dangerous, babies have died by being left in a car seat for 2-3 hours.

It's the same as knowing that cot bumpers increase risk of SIDS, knowing not to smoke with children in the car, knowing not to drink while pregnant. My MIL did all those things, DH is fine, but we now know that increases the risk to baby. And not all babies were fine. If you live 40 mins from the shop you're probably fine, it's an essential journey. The problem would be if you drive 40 mins to the shop, keep baby in the car seat while going round the shop for an hour then drive back 40 minutes. Now you babys been hunched over for over 2hrs, now babys asleep, dont wake her up just yet, now babys been hunched over for 3 hrs, without sufficient oxygen. Chances are, baby will be fine. Baby will probably be fine with cot bumpers or a teddy in the cot or maybe not.
Baby is more likely to be fine if you take them out the car seat every 30 minutes. If you dont smoke around them, if you keep their cot empty, if you dont drink while pregnant. People thought that was ridiculous new advice, now we wouldn't think twice.

You will probably be fine pulling onto the hard shoulder, the chances of a vehicle moving from the lane to the hard shoulder at the point you are is slim, but you wouldn't do it, because it carries a risk that's not worth taking.