Entitled kid or normal 9 year old girl?

[Wildwitchofthewest]

We live in Spain though we are Irish. My dd had a friend around last month and I don't know whether to continue to encourage the friendship. Dds friend is 8 nearly 9 and came across as critical of everything. When it came time to watch a film together she went on and on about wanting to watch a 15 film, despite me saying no. Then when it came to dinner she was really fussy asking for food I didn't have (I offered her 3 choices so it wasnt like I wasn't giving her options.). She then complained about about the type of cutlery I gave her as it was different to what she had at home. Then she complained I hadn't given her enough food and she usually had double the amount at home. So I gave her some extra bread, even though desert was still to come. Once desert arrived she complained and protested she didn't like chocolate cake. I offered to get her fruit instead. She changed her mind. Then ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake. When her mum arrived she encouraged my dd to lock my bedroom door and hide behind it. When it was time to leave I gave her a little wrapped up favour. Partly to get her out of the house. She would only accept it, she said, if she knew what it was. I said she would only get it when she was out of my bedroom and shoes on to meet her mum at the front door. AIBU not to encourage this friendship in the future?

Spoilt and rude.

I’d be horrified if my DD behaved like that! I wouldn’t forbid the friendship but I definitely wouldn’t encourage it and we’d be busy for any potential play dates in the future for sure!

Very rude. I’d be ashamed if my dd behaved so badly. I wouldn’t be inviting this child back.

Well that brat wouldn't be stepping through my door again.

She sounds like a complete brat. I would not be encouraging the friendship.

Jesus that’s quite shocking!
I can only picture my daughter forcing a meal down that she hates so as not to offend (which is possibly a whole other problem in itself!).

She has done the whole not wanting to come home yet thing but not quite to that extreme thankfully!

Outrageously rude and NOT typical nine year old behaviour! I would be discouraging this friendship.

Are you sure it’s not a bit of culture shock?

Glad I'm not just imagining that it was over the top. I forgot to mention she also complained about the mugs I gave them their drinks in as it was different to what she had at home

@PlanDeRaccordement

Are you sure it’s not a bit of culture shock?

What, all Spanish children are rude, are they?

Rude! I have a DD that age - haven’t seen that sort of thing from her or her friends. Odd bit of food fussiness? Fair enough, if it’s done politely (eg “sorry, I don’t like tomatoes” - no problem). But this child sounds very rude.

what does your daughter think of her.
why did she pick her out as a friend.

I think your being a bit unfair to the child, ultimately any child, especially one so young is a product of their environment and to actively discourage a friendship after only one visit is extremely obnoxious of you. Talk to the parent (in a nice, non-confrontational way) and bring up that the child was acting up, see if their normally like that.

Spanish kids can be more indulged and blunt, especially only kids, but this sounds above and beyond. Definitely start phasing her out.

We once had a child over who acted like this, never invited her back and even my DD didn’t want to carry on the friendship after seeing how she behaved.

@WorldsNumber1MumSuperAwesome I don't think I was the obnoxious one in this context. I went to a lot of effort on the play date but the girl turned her nose up at literally everything.

Was the kid Spanish or a fellow expat?

Spanish kids can be more indulged and blunt, especially only kids

I should clarify she is a fellow British expat so dds 'friend' wasn't Spanish

@user1473878824

Not at all. But the OPs list of things centre mostly around food and cutlery. Irish food is nothing like Spanish food. Also, I find it strange OP complained about the child asking for more food.

22:18WorldsNumber1MumSuperAwesome

I think your being a bit unfair to the child, ultimately any child, especially one so young is a product of their environment and to actively discourage a friendship after only one visit is extremely obnoxious of you. Talk to the parent (in a nice, non-confrontational way) and bring up that the child was acting up, see if their normally like that.

Why should OP have to do that? It's plain from the child's behaviour that she is a rude, ungrateful little so and so. Of course it probably is the parents' fault but I can't see what good would come of flagging up their parenting fails to them!

Just move on - there must be so many nice children your DD could be friends with instead! Also it sends out the wrong message to your own DD that you would condone that kind of behaviour.

That's really rude.

IME Spanish, Portuguese and Italian children tend to be fairly well behaved and have social etiquette drummed into them very early on.

She'd have managed 3 complaints before I said "oh dear, coat on, time to go home."

Did she actually complain about the cutlery and the mug or did she literally just say “we don’t have this type of cutlery at my house” “we don’t use these mugs at my house, we use glasses”. As a child could see that as just a factual observation. Or did she say along the lines of “these mugs are ugly and I don’t like drinking out of them”?
Obviously the locking herself in the bedroom is rude.

Also the food choices were pepperoni pizza, or fish fingers or quorn nuggets with chips peas. Nothing outrageous!

Ok, not likely to be culture shock then if friend was British.
I’d withhold judgement and see how it goes. Your DD could be a good influence on this child. It’s just too cancel culture to stop friendship over an 9yr old not having learned manners yet.